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Original poster

I put myself on the line and now I’m a bit mortified. Hand hold anyone?

144 replies

SaucepanWater · 08/01/2020 14:18

I met someone for a date on Saturday night. I liked him and instead of holding my nerve I got very, very drunk. I’m not sure it was necessarily noticeable to him that was THAT drunk, as I am not a falling over sort of drunk but I became extremely chatty (through nerves and alcohol) and I said all sorts of things that aren’t really me...flirting a bit with the barman and stuff like that. Being very over the top in general, talking about stuff and being louder than usual.

I hardly ever drink much and never get drunk on dates! All in all I was not myself and couldn’t wait to get out of there. Understandably when we said goodbye he said that it had been nice but ‘we’ probably both know there’s no connection here. And that was that.

I was so annoyed at myself for this as we’d had some nice chats leading up to the date and I really fancied him. I decided to text last night and say basically could we have a re run...I didn’t feel I was myself and that I was feeling shy so had too much to drink. I tried to make a joke out of it and said obviously no pressure but I liked him. He’s not read it yet (has read receipts on texts). I feel a bit sick for sending it! Usually I’m very confident on dates and would never behave like this.

Don’t know what I’m asking really, maybe a bit of a hand hold as I wait for the rejection text.

OP posts:
Original poster
SaucepanWater · 08/01/2020 17:57

Ha Bluntess thank you!

Still no reply although he finishes work at 6:30.

OP posts:
lovemenorca · 08/01/2020 17:58

What? Fact that I say I wouldn’t want a second date who got really drunk and flirted with the barmaid?

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 08/01/2020 18:03

Don't be embarrassed! I think you were right to text. If he doesn't reply you've tried at least

Bluntness100 · 08/01/2020 18:11

Lovemenorca, it's just it's not very nice to point out you wouldn't date her either and a bit unnecessary really.

Lindy2 · 08/01/2020 18:12

You've got nothing to loose by texting him.

I can't imagine a text saying what you said being a problem at all. Most people are a bit flattered to be told they're liked even if they don't feel the same way.

At the moment you aren't going to have a second date. Your text may make him think about meeting up again. It's not going to make anything worse.

Good luck OP.

BertieDrapper · 08/01/2020 18:15

I think you left it very open ended.... you didn't specifically ask him for a drink or if even say "did you want to go for another drink?"
He could text tonight or in a weeks time, when he decides he might fancy it.

But I certainly wouldn't worry about being rebuffed, you put yourself out there, if you hadn't you would alway wonder.

Justkeeprollingalong · 08/01/2020 18:21

Stop worrying about it, when you are old you'll regret the things you didn't do more than the things you did!
Nothing lost by texting him and it may do some good.

Sparkle567 · 08/01/2020 18:35

Hope he reply’s’

helberg · 08/01/2020 19:11

I don't think you should be embarrassed about sending the text. Absolutely nothing wrong with sending someone a message like that. If he isn't interested he can either ignore it or send you a brief message back and if he is interested... well, good.

Just get on with your life and see what happens.

KidCaneGoat · 08/01/2020 19:17

I think it’s amazing you texted! Honest and open and brave. More people should be like you. Don’t feel embarrassed at all. Hope you get a reply either way.

Original poster
SaucepanWater · 08/01/2020 19:17

He replied. He said he thought I wasn’t interested in someone who works away in the week (he spends 4 days a week in Germany for work) and that he didn’t think there was chemistry. but given what I had said he was up for drinks (yes I know) on Friday if I was free and he was interested to see where things could go. He also said it was nice that I had text and better to have text than have regrets.

It’s made me like him more but also made me wary as he’s basically said he didn’t think there was chemistry!!

OP posts:
Karwomannghia · 08/01/2020 19:25

Ooh go for it!

lovemenorca · 08/01/2020 19:29

Op it will be surely be a waste is time

He actually said he didn’t think there was chemistry - that’s pretty definitive.

I would not be surprised if he bails at last minute

Original poster
SaucepanWater · 08/01/2020 19:32

If he does then I know for sure. I’m glad I text.

OP posts:
YasssKween · 08/01/2020 19:48

I would say that sounds good but leave the ball in his court to see if he follows up to organise.

I only say that because if I was him I think I'd have felt a bit under pressure to agree to another date, because I'd think it was really nice you'd sent the one you did. I wouldn't want to say yes it was a bit cringe etc. Who knows eh?

But you can't force chemistry so just be mindful it might be awkward if you get there and both of you don't feel it - if this happens our tendency is often to drink to ease nerves so be wary of doing that again!

Well done for sending the text though I think it was brave and stops you regretting the first date.

ginsmyname · 08/01/2020 19:57

Well done you. It's hard putting yourself out there. Hopefully he does turn up for date 2 and there is chemistry

yogo · 08/01/2020 19:59

Go, what's the worst that can happen?

readitandwept · 08/01/2020 20:03

Well done, OP. That took guts. Good luck second time round. He obviously didn't dislike you, so that's something.

SleepingStandingUp · 08/01/2020 20:23

Enjoy op, worst case he cancels or still feels same

ChristmasSweet · 08/01/2020 20:32

It took guts to text and at least you got a positive response.

But if a woman came on here saying her date got drunk, flirted with the barmaid and then text days later to say that it isn't how he nornally acts, that guy would have been torn a new one, called a waster and all sorts of names.

You're lucky he texted back and didn't just block you. If he doesn't bail on you, or even if he does, don't drink again on dates when you clearly have zero idea of what your limit is. You could end up in a whole heap of trouble if things go badly.

Original poster
SaucepanWater · 08/01/2020 20:32

I was thinking maybe he felt forced into it. It’s a minefield this dating malarkey! I think I will just suggest a couple of dates and say to let me know in the next couple of weeks if either suit him.

OP posts:
mamato3lads · 08/01/2020 20:32

I think you did great. No regrets. You've got to try! Fair play on you xxx

CatAndHisKit · 08/01/2020 20:39

he may have meant he didn't think there was chemistry from your end what with you chatting to everyone around you - but he wouldn't actually say'I thought you didn't fancy me'.
I'm sure that if he absolutely didn't fancy you, he would have replied with a polite 'sorry but no thanks'.

Original poster
SaucepanWater · 08/01/2020 20:43

I hope so! He’s very polite though and was polite on the date so I guess he may have felt obliged or uncomfortable so just said yes?!

OP posts:
CatAndHisKit · 08/01/2020 20:45

I doubt it - face to face it's difficult for a polite person to say 'no' but easy enough by text, to the person he'll never see again!