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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I put myself on the line and now I’m a bit mortified. Hand hold anyone?

144 replies

SaucepanWater · 08/01/2020 14:18

I met someone for a date on Saturday night. I liked him and instead of holding my nerve I got very, very drunk. I’m not sure it was necessarily noticeable to him that was THAT drunk, as I am not a falling over sort of drunk but I became extremely chatty (through nerves and alcohol) and I said all sorts of things that aren’t really me...flirting a bit with the barman and stuff like that. Being very over the top in general, talking about stuff and being louder than usual.

I hardly ever drink much and never get drunk on dates! All in all I was not myself and couldn’t wait to get out of there. Understandably when we said goodbye he said that it had been nice but ‘we’ probably both know there’s no connection here. And that was that.

I was so annoyed at myself for this as we’d had some nice chats leading up to the date and I really fancied him. I decided to text last night and say basically could we have a re run...I didn’t feel I was myself and that I was feeling shy so had too much to drink. I tried to make a joke out of it and said obviously no pressure but I liked him. He’s not read it yet (has read receipts on texts). I feel a bit sick for sending it! Usually I’m very confident on dates and would never behave like this.

Don’t know what I’m asking really, maybe a bit of a hand hold as I wait for the rejection text.

OP posts:
SaucepanWater · 08/01/2020 16:24

Wish I’d not sent it now!!

OP posts:
MrsWooster · 08/01/2020 16:29

You were honest and open-showed your vulnerability and your courage. If there was a connection underneath the booze, if he’s a , he’ll appreciate that /you. If there wasn’t a connection, or he’s a bad lot, you’re well clear. Either way, you did a brave thing (ignoring the slight balls up of getting too pissed!) and a decent person should appreciate it.

MrsWooster · 08/01/2020 16:30

The gap after a, should read ‘if he’s a good’un’ !

Ohyesiam · 08/01/2020 16:33

Don’t feel silly op. Asking for what you want in this situation is really fine.

SaucepanWater · 08/01/2020 16:34

I’m not sure he knew I was as drunk as I was to be honest. I can barely drink anything without feeling tipsy.

He probably thinks even less of me for texting.

OP posts:
Closetbeanmuncher · 08/01/2020 16:37

Don't worry about the text, put it down to experience and just watch what you drink in future.

He was probably pissed off because he didn't get his leg over.....tit.

Sultanaofping · 08/01/2020 16:38

Well if you're not going to see him again does it matter what he thinks of you? And if he says he does want a re-run then he can't be thinking less of you Smile I think you've been honest and brave, if he's a decent person he'll respect you for that even if he doesn't want a second date, and if he isn't then you've dodged a bullet. Head up OP, you've done nothing to feel bad about Flowers

Bluntness100 · 08/01/2020 16:39

Op, if he doesn't want to see you again who gives a shit what he thinks of you? He's just some guy you'll not see again.

However he might say yes, you never know. Nothing ventured nothing gained. I'd say as you sent it yesterday, if he doesn't respond tonight he clearly isn't interested.

SaucepanWater · 08/01/2020 16:40

I think I feel a bit embarrassed. The text was nice (I think!) and left it open to say let me know if you’d like that drink. But maybe the drink or my behaviour wasn’t the problem and he just didn’t find me sexy or something! Mortifying if that is true and I’ve sent that message.

OP posts:
SaucepanWater · 08/01/2020 16:41

He only read it about half an hour ago

OP posts:
ravenmum · 08/01/2020 16:41

He hardly knows you, so if he is judging you negatively then all that shows is that he's overly judgmental about strangers. You got very mildly tipsy, then wrote a hopeful text. Knowing that about you, in my view you sound like a perfectly normal person, if a bit of a worrier! At most he might be feeling a bit uncomfortable as he didn't fancy you and doesn't want to go out with you again.

ravenmum · 08/01/2020 16:43

He was probably pissed off because he didn't get his leg over.....tit.
If he'd just been after sex he'd have gone for a second date, surely.

Flavarings · 08/01/2020 16:44

You're very brave for texting OP, I would have been too mortified and would have ended up locking myself in the cupboard or something.

Fraggot · 08/01/2020 16:44

Best way to get over the shame, wait for him to respond then reply: ‘sorry who’s this?’ Grin

dodgeballchamp · 08/01/2020 16:45

I think you were fine to text but maybe avoid drinking on dates in future! I’m teetotal and always just have a ginger beer or lemonade. I don’t mind if the other person drinks and nobody has had an issue with it so far

CelebrityDave · 08/01/2020 16:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SaucepanWater · 08/01/2020 16:48

Oh godddddd I’m feeling more and more embarrassed as time goes on!

Why did I text! It probably sounded really desperate

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 08/01/2020 16:48

Best way to get over the shame, wait for him to respond then reply: ‘sorry who’s this

Yes, that will totally help her get over the shame. Confused

SaucepanWater · 08/01/2020 16:49

I’m not even desperate really, I’ve had two dates since him! Feel so sick. Blush

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 08/01/2020 16:49

What did you actually write?

God I'm invested now too, 🤣

Insaneinthemembury · 08/01/2020 16:51

🤞 for you OP!! This is the sort of thing I would do on a date!

LuluBellaBlue · 08/01/2020 16:51

Envisage a positive outcome OP!

Kittykat93 · 08/01/2020 16:53

Op in the nicest possible way - calm the fuck down Grin

Okay you had a few too many sherberts due to nerves. It's mot the end of the world and if there was a connection it would have been there I think even with you both having a few drinks.

If you don't get a response then it doesn't matter, you'll likely never see him again so was worth the texting as you've got nothing to lose at this point!

I hope he replies!

SaucepanWater · 08/01/2020 16:53

I don’t want to write it here word for word.

It basically recognised that the text was a bit out of the blue and then just jumped in and said I’d felt like I had given the wrong impression during the date and had had too much to drink by my drinking abilities, because I felt shy. Then I said if it wasn’t a physical thing that was off putting maybe we could get a drink one day and to text me it so

Better explained than that really and hopefully a bit nicer but don’t want to copy and paste it!

OP posts:
StegosaurusRex · 08/01/2020 16:55

Don't be embarrassed. A few days after my first date with DP, we had a big communication error while texting. I fancied him so much and really liked him straight away, which was a big change from how I usually felt on dates. I sent him a message explaining/apologising and said let's give it another go because we'd been getting on amazingly up to then. Been together 10 months now and I'm so happy with him. Worth every moment of wondering if he would think I was a ridiculous, creepy stalker type until he replied. If you like someone, I think it's always worth putting yourself out there