Reported DM to DVLA..... was I wrong?

[Shesalittlemadam]

Hi please be kind! I didn't do this to be malicious. I honestly thought I was doing the right thing, but now I'm not sure...

My DM has had Cornea Transplants on each eye due to a Dystrophy she has. This has vastly improved her vision and after a suitable number of months, she was given the go ahead to continue driving.

She's a fab driver. Used to race in the 60s and knows her way round an engine even! (Not that they are required to be one of course)
In my 36 years I've never known her to have so much as a single bump and only 2 speeding tickets. If no claims bonuses exceeded 15 yrs, then she'd have about 36 to maybe 40+ years!
So yeah, for 75 years of age she is an unusually competent, decent driver.

However,

The one issue she does have, is that when driving at night, she says "I struggle a bit with glare from lights" (quote). Therefore, sensibly, she avoids driving at night. Great. Although if she needs to drive then she will do.
This is what worries me. I've tried talking to her calmly & in a friendly way about not driving after sunset (or on dark days) AT ALL and well, it did not go down well....

So I checked the DVLA website and sure enough, although they are aware of her eye condition, it does say that you must inform them if you suffer from 'Night Blindness' at all.
I asked her if she had and of course, no she hadn't. I got a huge mouthful for even asking...!

Cue more worrying and reading of a horror story article and I submitted a report to the DVLA.....

Today she got the letter and understandably, has Hit. The. Roof!!!! Had a huge go at me about how I've tried to ruin her life and destroy her independence and quite understandably, wont listen to my reasons for doing it. She now is no longer speaking to me. Which I get 🤷🏼‍♀️

Now I'm wondering if what she said she struggled with "glare from lights" is actually the same thing as 'Night blindness??'

I just worry so much that she's going to kill herself or someone else and/or spend the rest of her life in prison 😳

Did I do the right thing??? 😢

Please don't be too harsh, I can take on board criticism if delivered in a reasonable manner!

Thanks

@Insaneinthemembury she went behind her back. She didn't speak to her, she didn't tell her, she didn't go with her to her optician, she didn't suggest contacting her consultant or GP, she didn't sit with her while night driving to see for herself - from one comment she reported her. That's why she fucked up.

SerendipityJane, you need to give over.

Nope. Although there are a few parts to this thread now. Some people (yourself included) concentrating on the word "glare" and addressing all their responses around that.

Meanwhile others (raises hand) are commenting on all and any medical conditions which may affect someones ability to drive safely - and legally.

And I'm standing by what I said. I'd rather any doubt was checked out, than someone gets themselves killed by a driver who should not have been on the roads.

Isn’t there an advert on Facebook occasionally for special night time glasses that reduce the glare? May have been worth trying those first. I understand why you reported her, but wonder if it may have been an overreaction. Perhaps you should have spoken to her GP first to see if she actually had the condition.

@SaphfireRose Why on EARTH is it relevant whether I drive or not? So you can pile on me about any health issues I have or whether I would "like it"

You're behaving like a bully and have totally lost sight of my question. This is not a school playground. Grow up

@flamingo On what planet would a doctor speak to me about somebody else's condition?!?! Have you never heard of doctor patient confidentiality?!

I know for a fact that she has Fuch's Dystrophy. I've been to St James with her numerous times for it

@Shesalittlemadam if she reapplied for her licence when she was 70 and again when she was 73 then it's only 2 years since she's been cleared as OK to drive. That's not the same as 2003

Your OP reads like the operation was last month then on page 4 you casually drop in that it was 2003!!

Okay then

@AHintOfStyle She hasn't reapplied for it though at all? It's just continued? She had a new photo in 2010 but that's been it?

Give up the bullying now please. Point taken
Bullying? Seriously. You clearly struggle with definitions. You have not been bullied, nor does your mother have night blindness.

Anyway, so you say ‘point taken’, has it really. What are you going to do to rectify this situation with your mother. Have you apologised? Have you expressed any regret to her, because you haven’t on this post, except in your opening post, which you’ve toned down since we all told you that you were in the wrong.

Send her flowers and a card saying "I'm so sorry, I panicked because I misunderstood and was afraid you were going to hurt yourself "

And buy her some night vision glasses, as a PP suggested.

@itsjustme I hope she treats you just as shitty one day

Funny you should say that! This is a woman who made me homeless at 15 and then refused to believe me when I finally told her about the abuse I'd suffered from my dad - her husband of 40+ years!

@Shesalittlemadam It is relevant in a few ways. If you have nothing to hide, why not just say it? No one is 'bullying' you. All I did was ask you if you drive. That's all. Your refusal to answer the question, and your nastiness is proof that you need to grow up. You said you can take on reasonable criticism. I only asked a simple question. If you aren't mature enough to engage in a fair and honest manner, then why post your OP? Stop lashing out at people, being nasty and abusive, and just answer reasonable questions. If you can't, you have a lot of growing up to do.

@guacamole What are you going to do to rectify this situation

None of your business!

@Shesalittlemadam you have to reapply every 3 years from age 70 onwards

You can drive if you suffer from glare - there are things you can do like wear a peaked cap/glasses.

This is not 'night blindness'

You have grassed your mother up for nothing and she will probably have to jump through lots of hoops to get her licence back now.

I'd be absolutely raging at you - how dare you assume you know what her condition is!

None of your business!

Okay, I’m out. I’ve invested too much time with your thread already. Have a nice day.

@Shesalittlemadam surely she would get her eyes tested every year or maybe more often give her prior eye problems? Any optician would be able to confirm whether she has a diagnosis of night blindness.

SerendipityJane, OP reported her mother because she might have Night Blindness. Two minutes' googling would have revealed that, on the basis of what her mother was reporting, she didn't. There was no element of doubt.

@AHintOfStyle Well she must be lying then as she says she hasn't heard anything and that her licence doesn't expire until 2023??

Here comes the drip feed. 'She has an eye disease, that I never mentioned in my opening post and only mentioned it now because I am not mature enough to deal with reasonable opinions/questions'. And, 'she kicked me out of home at 15' - sympathy ploy (or possible revenge motive). You sound more immature and vindictive the further you comment.

Imo reporting your dm to the DVLA is beyond despicable and if you were my dd I would seriously struggle to forgive you for being so underhanded, and even more so because you do not appear to believe you have done anything wrong.

After your alleged agonising, no doubt you sent your 'report' with a sanctimonious smile on your face.

What is your problem? Don't you have a life to be getting on with or is it simply your nature to interfere where no interference or intervention is needed?

It's just continued?

No. You have to apply for your licence more regularly and tick boxes. You don't take another test but you do have to talk about health conditions.

OP I hope you can repair the relationship with your DM, if that's what you want. It does sound like there is more to this than your first post

I'm normally pretty relaxed about drip-feeding, but the drip-feeding on this thread reaches fairly amazing new levels.