Reported DM to DVLA..... was I wrong?

[Shesalittlemadam]

Hi please be kind! I didn't do this to be malicious. I honestly thought I was doing the right thing, but now I'm not sure...

My DM has had Cornea Transplants on each eye due to a Dystrophy she has. This has vastly improved her vision and after a suitable number of months, she was given the go ahead to continue driving.

She's a fab driver. Used to race in the 60s and knows her way round an engine even! (Not that they are required to be one of course)
In my 36 years I've never known her to have so much as a single bump and only 2 speeding tickets. If no claims bonuses exceeded 15 yrs, then she'd have about 36 to maybe 40+ years!
So yeah, for 75 years of age she is an unusually competent, decent driver.

However,

The one issue she does have, is that when driving at night, she says "I struggle a bit with glare from lights" (quote). Therefore, sensibly, she avoids driving at night. Great. Although if she needs to drive then she will do.
This is what worries me. I've tried talking to her calmly & in a friendly way about not driving after sunset (or on dark days) AT ALL and well, it did not go down well....

So I checked the DVLA website and sure enough, although they are aware of her eye condition, it does say that you must inform them if you suffer from 'Night Blindness' at all.
I asked her if she had and of course, no she hadn't. I got a huge mouthful for even asking...!

Cue more worrying and reading of a horror story article and I submitted a report to the DVLA.....

Today she got the letter and understandably, has Hit. The. Roof!!!! Had a huge go at me about how I've tried to ruin her life and destroy her independence and quite understandably, wont listen to my reasons for doing it. She now is no longer speaking to me. Which I get 🤷🏼‍♀️

Now I'm wondering if what she said she struggled with "glare from lights" is actually the same thing as 'Night blindness??'

I just worry so much that she's going to kill herself or someone else and/or spend the rest of her life in prison 😳

Did I do the right thing??? 😢

Please don't be too harsh, I can take on board criticism if delivered in a reasonable manner!

Thanks

@saphire

Actually sweetheart if you read my initial post you'll see I mentioned her Dystrophy!

I'm out, can't be doing with pathetic school bullies piling on with nothing better to do!

MNHQ are deleting this shortly anyway

If you wanted to just be told you're right then why not say that in your OP and save us all the effort? Why make a thread saying 'Was I wrong?' and then argue when people say you were. You obviously don't think you were wrong so you clearly just posted here either to be goady or because you expected to be patted on the back.

OP, when was the last time you went with your mother to St James's?

SerendipityJane, OP reported her mother because she might have Night Blindness.

Once more (with feeling ! ) I was addressing the wider issue of all and any medical issues that might affect someones driving. So the ins and outs of night blindness weren't - and still aren't - connected to my sentiments about trying to keep the roads safe.

@equa Erm 2016 I think? Used to be at the other hospital in Leeds but I went when it had moved to St James

She WILL NOT HAVE HAD HER LICENCE REVOKED BASED ON A REPORT. You continue to drive after a report is made, until a decision has been made. I know this because a relative has (fairly) recently been reported and is under the DVSA medical team for assessment.

I don't think you were unreasonable OP. The surgery was years ago and her eyes could have altered since then. She told you that she's dazzled by lights and this could be an issue moving ahead. I think you acted sensibly buy perhaps could have dealt with it slightly more delicately - spoken to her regarding the matter first. That said, if she's anything like my relative, she wouldn't have listened anyway and ignored any and all advice given.

If she's proven fit to drive, she won't have an issue. Please don't hold your breath though, the DVSA have had my relative's licence and details for 11 months now and they're no further forwards with it, it's definitely a slow process.

That's so nasty of you! She hasn't got night blindness. What a busybody. No wonder she's furious!

@serendipity Apparently I'm drop feeding for not mentioning that the Dystrophy i mentioned in my OP is Fuch's Dystrophy!!! How many dystrophies are there?!

Why else would she have TWO corneal transplants?!

So I should be reported too then? I had my Operation 6 or 7 years ago. I drive at night. I get night glare.

She has had Fuch's Dystrophy since 2003

If you really wanted to help her you would have first got her checked up and diagnosed before reporting her. You acted on half information and have impacted her life. If your concern came through kindness you would have gotten her help in checking into what was the matter before jumping the gun

@mummyway

How in god's name to suggest I do that? Tie her up and throw her in my boot?

SHE REFUSED!!!!

I'm out.

MNHQ are deleting this shortly anyway

Ah, the refuge of those whose threads don’t go the way they want. 🙄

No one is 'demanding' anything, we just asked you a question. That's all. Sorry if being asked a question on a thread you posted for advice is a sin, or makes anyone a 'troll'. It appears that you are being a troll though.

You mum will not talk to you, yet is there with you and you are telling her all this? Wow, you really are a poor liar. It's now obvious that you're just a troll.

FFS it's your own mother you have reported no wonder she hit the roof.

Very slimy indeed, well you've done it now be prepared to be at her beck and call since you took her freedom away. I wish I new you because I'd happily tell your mum that it was her daughter who reported her.

It's now obvious that you're just a troll.

Is that why MN are deleting it or is it because the OP is throwing all her toys out of her pram because she's not getting her way.

I sense OP is a teenager who doesn't drive (hence has no idea what 'glare' is and that it is completely normal). Their hostility and immaturity is off the charts. I think MN will probably delete the thread and ban the poster.

Serendipity Apparently I'm drop feeding for not mentioning that the Dystrophy i mentioned in my OP is Fuch's Dystrophy!!! How many dystrophies are there?!

I will be brutally honest, I didn't really pay that much attention to the actual condition. My thought (or so I'd like to think, seems some here might take issue with the word) processes were:

OP: I've become concerned about someones vision not being up to scratch when they drive [incidental details] did I do the right thing reporting them to the DVLA ?

SJ (that's me ): Yes - if there is any doubt better safe than sorry.

Clearly we are but a minority ( I'm sure there's a Wildean quote there somewhere).

I wonder what response you would have got in AIBU ?

Perhaps Op you should have got your facts together first before reporting. My dad is diabetic and was having issues with his blood sugar levels. He mentioned his concerns about driving. Instead of jumping to report we suggest he speak to his doctor about his driving. That way once the fact were in an informed decision could be made rather jumping to conclusions.

Spiteful

Well, OP, it sounds as though you just volunteered to chauffeur your mum for the foreseeable future.

Funny you should say that! This is a woman who made me homeless at 15 and then refused to believe me when I finally told her about the abuse I'd suffered from my dad - her husband of 40+ years!

I was wondering how someone could be so awful to so such a thing, especially as night blindness is not the same thing at all. Now I understand, you did it out of revenge.