Help me get over this ridiculous crush!

[Needtogetbackinthesack]

I'm newly divorced, haven't had sex since I conceived my 3 yo and I feel it's time to get back out there.

There's a guy I see every morning when dropping my kids off, he works in an office I walk by and his smile makes me weak at the knees. It's got so bad that I can't sleep at night for thinking about him but I'm generally too nervous to even make eye contact as I walk by. He does smile on the odd brave occasion, but he smiles at everyone who walks by.

His office isn't the kind where people off the street could walk in - no customers etc. I literally know nothing else about him, can't see if he's wearing a wedding ring etc. He also sees me walk by with my herd of out of control kids, hardly an attractive prospect. But I can't help but think about him.

How do people deal with such crushes when you're in your mid thirties? I think I need to get out there and meet a real life human and forget about him don't I? But that smile... 😍😆🙈

I can't believe I've read this whole thread in one sitting just to get to the end and you still haven't made a move OP, disgraceful

The thank you card is perfect! What're you going to write?

Hahaha @SausageSimon I'm also slightly ashamed, I remember breaking up for Xmas holidays and it feeling like an age to get back to school so I could see him.

I'm feeling confident enough to write the card when the kids are in bed I think, I've had a glass of wine 😂🙈👍🏻

the card says on the front "just a note to say..." (was the most neutral non girly one I could get in John Lewis wirh the kids kicking off 🙄)

And then inside write something like "... that I'm really embarrassed about my kid asking you to use the loo but thank you, can I buy you a drink to say thanks/sorry?" And put my number.

And then put it in the door tomorrow, he's always in well before I do school drop off so will defo see it before he usually sees me, if I don't hear before then I'll just hide. All week 🙈😂

Thoughts??

I think that sounds great OP, I don't think you should put about being embarrassed or saying sorry though! I'd go a bit more lighthearted possibly?

I think I'd put:

Thank you for letting DC use the loo the other day, you're a life saver!
Can I get you a drink to say thank you?

Then your number and name at the end and of course a kiss

@SausageSimon ok I'm on it! Give me a couple of hours to get the kids in bed and I'll write it! Eek, no backing out now

I'm so excited! This time tomorrow you may have had a message

He's not there again til Monday but hopefully by 48 hours time I'll know... and I think silence speaks volumes so I will know everything I need to know I think! Eek!

Go for it! I can’t wait until Monday (and that’s a phrase I didn’t think I’d ever write!)

I often find myself looking forward to Mondays to see him (and pack 50% of my kids off to school - win win 🤪🤗) it's quite tragic really isn't it?!

@Needtogetbackinthesack He came to speak to me before I had to email him, but it was the day before my contract ended. I'd had to stalk him through our staff network to find out who he was, and I had an email drafted to send in case he'd been too shy - it was actually in my drafts folder in my email! We just went for a cup of tea at a cafe near where we both worked and we haven't really stopped talking since. He gave me his phone number and there was NO WAY I wasn't going to find an excuse to text him. Every day. Since then

If you give him your number and he doesn't respond, then you haven't lost anything - you don't have to see him, and if you do, you can give him a slightly ironic, knowing smile. It's so much better to have tried than not! We have a gorgeous baby and everything!

Fortune favours the brave

Hi OP, just discovered your thread and have become hugely overinvested! And I have a suggestion... when you next bump into him, tell him you've been looking for a bracelet/necklace/anything that you think you lost somewhere around here. Give him a note with your name & no on and ask if he could hang onto your details in case somebody finds it and brings it into his office? Hopefully at that point he'll make a flirty 'joke' about calling you anyway and you can take it from there :). My gut feeling is that he's just waiting for a green light...

Oops sorry missed your latest update OP!

Just watching Brene brown - "real courage is that first date after divorce" right after "if you know courage you WILL know failure." Christ alive... 🙈😂😳😱😆

@KitMarlowesCodpieceOfThigh ah what a lovely story!!! I'm not really looking for a husband, haven't fully divorced the last one yet, but I'd like a few fun dates and to get laid 😂🙈

Ah yes I'm being silly thinking it'll be tomorrow, I'm also looking forward to Monday!

I also look forward to Monday because I get to see the man I fancy, however I couldn't ever act upon it as wonderful as he is! So I must live through you instead OP do me proud

Ooh @SausageSimon tell me more!! Why can't you act on it?? I love that this thread has brought all these crushes out of the woodwork. I wonder if all of us just grew a pair and asked them out how many acceptances and rejections there'd be??

@Needtogetbackinthesack the card is a great idea! In fact I thought of doing much the same at the end of the year so I don't have to face him again for six weeks I've never done anything like that in my life, I've always waited for blokes to make the first move but look where that's got me so far...nothing ventured, nothing gained! Do it!

I definitely don't have a chance unfortunately! He's actually my counsellor, and there is a well known cliche that people fall for their counsellors but to look at he's my type exactly which I don't often come across! And of course because of his job he is clearly a lovely person but there's nothing I can do and the chances are he doesn't feel that about me. While I love that he's gorgeous and kind, it's kind of frustrating that there's no chance as I rarely meet men that are my type

I do make him laugh though which can't be common surely when counselling people he's so smiley and lovely it makes me sad! Fortunately it doesn't interfere with my counselling but I was very surprised when I turned up to my first session and met him and was kind of disappointed he was my type cause it isn't appropriate haha!

Anyway, it's nice to dream isn't it

Ah that sucks, @SausageSimon. I had a bit of a crush on my past councillor too - who was female and really seemed to "get me" like no-one else. She seemed to grow more beautiful with every session. It wasn't anything i wanted to act on, because like you i realised it was a side effect of really being 'seen' by someone good.

Gosh that bit of the show always makes me well up, @Needtogetbackinthesack. What a truth-teller she is. I got a bit side-tracked reading Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine, which is ironic as she spends most of the book stalking and planning an imaginary life with her stranger-crush-guy

Yeah it's a shame really because if I'd met him in any other area of my life I would be as attracted to him! But never mind, I will live vicariously through you instead

@SausageSimon ah I understand; though it does suck a bit. I've got form for fancying completely inappropriate people so I completely understand how you came to fancy him! It's nice to look from a distance though I guess. And live vicariously through the rest of us in this thread 😁

@ruffleCrow I've also got form for having crushes on people who make me feel 'seen.' I also bloody love Eleanor oliphant! Books are a huge issue in my life, I read so many romances that I get a bit swept away by a happy ending and reality blurs wirh fiction 🤔

@MymbleClement I've never done it either and I'm not sure I feel 100% confident about it but as you say nothing ventured nothing gained. I don't think he's going to ask me out - and I'm not yet sure why - but I may as well see if it's because he's not brave enough/sure I'm single or whatever!

You have a huge thread here, so my interaction is not really important...but for crying out, jus ask him !!!!!

Just read the whole thread (my cat doesn't let me sleep past 5). I'm so excited for an update

Everyone is so excited for an update but I'm going to be slightly gutted if it's a negative one - I quite like this thread and all the input from everyone. I'll have to start a new topic if it's a no go tomorrow!

Tomorrow - eek 😱