Help me get over this ridiculous crush!

[Needtogetbackinthesack]

I'm newly divorced, haven't had sex since I conceived my 3 yo and I feel it's time to get back out there.

There's a guy I see every morning when dropping my kids off, he works in an office I walk by and his smile makes me weak at the knees. It's got so bad that I can't sleep at night for thinking about him but I'm generally too nervous to even make eye contact as I walk by. He does smile on the odd brave occasion, but he smiles at everyone who walks by.

His office isn't the kind where people off the street could walk in - no customers etc. I literally know nothing else about him, can't see if he's wearing a wedding ring etc. He also sees me walk by with my herd of out of control kids, hardly an attractive prospect. But I can't help but think about him.

How do people deal with such crushes when you're in your mid thirties? I think I need to get out there and meet a real life human and forget about him don't I? But that smile... 😍😆🙈

I would say he fancies me, he was smiling and friendly and it just seems a bit of a coincidence that he's always just locking up as we go by, he literally turns the lights off and steps outside just as my son runs ahead. That's surely too much of a coincidence?! I think he does that deliberately to see me.

And when we were chatting he was really smiley and when he said he was devastated that I wouldn't be waving every day he was laughing and flirting a bit.

BUT I also wonder why he didn't just say something? I was mortified about the kid/wee thing, and then that he ran off into the road but he didn't have a kid to distract him and could have said something, so I'm not sure he's interested even if he fancies me.

However, I've got my super sleuth brain on and managed to find out his full name - which is dead common so zero chance of any proper stalking, and he doesn't appear to be on social media 😩

Maybe he didn't want to make a move in front of your dcs? I know that's the main thing putting me off with my crush. Also, ppl with dcs are usually married and were he to put the moves on he doesn't know whether your 6ft5 imaginary hubby might be coming down to his office to tear him a new one?

Omg that made me laugh - my 5ft 6 ex husband, small man syndrome, fairly ugly, more than a little aggressive, who was too lazy to ever defend me in any way and this guy is 6ft +, well built, good looking, cheerful and confident and chats to me. I'd love to see them in a fight 😂 but yes I get your point. It's just SO obvious I fancy the pants off him surely he must see that?! I act like some kind of Jane Austen character swooning with blushing bosoms at the mere thought of him. I'm such a fucking loser 😆🙈

Men do get nervous about making the first move too. From all your posts it sounds like the two of you are doing a bit of a dance round each other - put him out of his misery!

Are we twins needto? My ex is exactly like yours sounds, right down to the aggressive short man syndrome and i'm also doing the Jane Austen thing - right now with my guy's Tinder lookalike ffs . Let's be losers together

@RuffleCrow ha I wouldn't be surprised if mine had women on the go I didn't know about 🤷🏻‍♀️ Did you respond to the tinder guy? I've given up on tinder - I signed up and chatted to one guy who sounded nice but he never got on and asked to meet, the rest were weirdos so I've deleted myself for now.

@MymbleClement yes I do know deep down that they get nervous too, I just feel like this is SUCH a big deal - my first crush/date since separating - that I'm finding it really tough and could really do with someone leading the way and being gentle with me first time!

@Needtogetbackinthesack think how great you'll feel if you can find the courage!

What happens when you start dating and decide he's not for you?

How awkward would that be, having to see him on the daily after that?

@Mojaverattles - she won't, she's moving jobs!

What I love most about mn is that 99% of people say go for it, sounds like he fancies you then 2 come along and say meh he'll never ask you out and imagine how awkward it'll be when you decide he's not for you, and completely burst your bubble 😂 (I jest, I love the honesty and balance, and find it hilarious)

But @mymbleClement is right - I only see him because I make sure I park somewhere I get to walk past his office, completely for the benefit of seeing him - it's not the most convenient place to park. It's actually much more convenient for me to NOT walk past his office, and park right at the school door. For 50% of th school runs I can park on a completely different road and never see him, and for the other 50% I can park further round the corner and fairly easily not see him either. Not saying I'd never have to see him again but it'd be easy to avoid him.

Following as I’m a newly single mum with a huge crush too! Mine’s on a guy I meet every so often through work. We’ve been at a lot of the same events lately due to the industry we’re in but the busy period is coming to an end. We follow each other on Twitter and he keeps ‘liking’ my posts, and every time he does I feel so giddy!

Now that you know his full name, ring his office and ask to speak to him

Yeah @needtogetbackinthesack i've been chatting with him most of the evening - if you can call it that! He was really pushing me to meet up like now for a drink and i was trying to say "look i think you're hot and all but i'm not really looking for a quick hookup" and then when i didn't reply for a bit he went all "i guess you've got loads of guys to reply to tonight" so dunno. Also he said he's been watching Power on Netflix which i think is a bit misogynistic? Haven't seen it myself. Yep, there are so many weirdos tonight on Tinder i don't blame you. One guy just sent me "you are so amazingly beautiful" erm, no, i look like a bulldog chewing a wasp! #lovebombing.

What kingsleysbootlicker said!

I'm thinking of popping a note into the letterbox saying thanks for letting my son in, can I buy you a drink to say thanks?

Great idea Good luck!

Agree, great idea needto

I'm feeling like i've got Tinder depression today. It all seems to pointless. The one guy i actually want isn't even on there. I've narrowed down where he must live to about two streets, about 10 mins from where i live. Tempted to go and have a wander in that direction as my dcs are with their dad. However, i believe that's commonly known as stalking

@RuffleCrow I stopped my time fee profile showing up in searches but somehow still got a match this morning. I must have been drunk or desperate or mistaken when I swiped right on him 😂😱

I don't think walking the streets is stalking. Entering his property might be but browsing isn't. You never know he might be nipping out for some milk and offer you a cuppa!!

I've bought a card. I'm now suddenly so nervous about this whole idea that I can't write it because my hand is shaking. But I figure next week is easy to avoid him - I can park in the opposite direction on Monday and weds, won't see him Tuesday or Friday and that leaves one pick up on Thursday that I usually do with a friend so Safety in numbers. And by next week it'll be old news, right? And I'll still only see him a couple of times a week and can park in the other direction if it's that awkward so I can near enough completely avoid him forever if I have to... so what's to lose, right?! Eek!

Tinder profile that should say

I did go past what i think is his turning but sadly no sign.

I think you're a courageous woman for even buying the card tbh. You're "daring greatly" as Brene Brown would say! (Think i need to go and watch her Netflix show again). And like you say, worst case scenario it'll be old news in a week's time.

I didn't know Brene was on Netflix, that's tonight's entertainment sorted then! I love her and could do with being a bit more daring.

I feel like it's a bit out of character, I have NEVER asked anyone out in my life. But I also feel like life is too short, and really it wouldn't be that embarrassing to be turned down, I'd just laugh it off. I see him so often because I go out of my way to, I could easily go out of my way to avoid him and move on. But I also have a good feeling about him and don't want to waste the opportunity. There are lots of circumstantial things that have led to me doing the walk past his office (how we came to be at this school against all odds etc) that make me think maybe there's a bit of fate at play? Or maybe that's a load of bollocks but if it gives me confidence then I'll take it!!

Gutting that you didn't see your chap though 😢

Well, there's ten lots of school run for me to look forward to next week . I wonder if that's why we develop these crushes - to spice up the monotony?!

You have such a great attitude about all this I'm in awe. Here's to the brilliant Brene (and to you and the nice office guy)

GiveHerHellFromUs Mon 06-Jan-20 09:35:33
If you don't want to get over it, just go for it and give him your number discretely tomorrow.

I could never do that and would be absolutely mortified so I'd make up a life for him in my head.
Something along the lines of:
He's walking because he's banned from driving for driving while under the influence of drugs. His wife left him because he slept with her best friend while under the influence of said drugs and gave her chlamydia.
And, as part of his punishment for drug driving, he also wears a tag and is only smiling at you because you look like his probation officers doppelgänger and he's hoping it'll help his cause.
.....
That is brilliant.

OP, put the card through the door. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. I was in a similar situation with the man who became my DH and I am glad every day that I didn't let him slip through my fingers!

@KitMarlowesCodpieceOfThigh omg no way! Tell us more!! Give me hope! Ha. Did you actually instigate it all? Has DH ever said what he thought? That's my only real reservation... would a man think I was just pushy and weird?! Or confident and that it's an ok thing to do??

How exciting though, I love a happy ending! 😍