Help me get over this ridiculous crush!

[Needtogetbackinthesack]

I'm newly divorced, haven't had sex since I conceived my 3 yo and I feel it's time to get back out there.

There's a guy I see every morning when dropping my kids off, he works in an office I walk by and his smile makes me weak at the knees. It's got so bad that I can't sleep at night for thinking about him but I'm generally too nervous to even make eye contact as I walk by. He does smile on the odd brave occasion, but he smiles at everyone who walks by.

His office isn't the kind where people off the street could walk in - no customers etc. I literally know nothing else about him, can't see if he's wearing a wedding ring etc. He also sees me walk by with my herd of out of control kids, hardly an attractive prospect. But I can't help but think about him.

How do people deal with such crushes when you're in your mid thirties? I think I need to get out there and meet a real life human and forget about him don't I? But that smile... 😍😆🙈

They are total foof teases! Lol that's what i'll be thinking in my head the next time i smile politely at him: "Yer big foof tease"

Absolutely. Of the couples I know that are separated/divorced, most of the splits were initiated by the women with the men protesting but later admitting things weren't good. They don't end their marriages because they're too comfortable.

Having said that I know mine is single, so if I get knocked back I have the crushing blow that he just doesn't fancy me

I also think i was a 'safe' woman to practise his foof-teasing on because my dcs go to another school and we don't work together. He probably thought i'd never have the ovaries to actually talk to him. Tsk, you think you know a complete stranger and then, bam!

I guess statistically the most likely thing is that she is main wage earner so that’s why he does drop offs etc, but there are just so many possibilities and you never know.
He could be recently widowed.
She could be unwell/disabled

Is English his first language? Maybe he’s just very confused....

Even if he does turn you down, it may be more to do with his job than not fancying you @MymbleClement

I'm not sure if English is his first language @Sharkyfan. If i had to put money on it, and this is a big supposition, i'd guess he grew up speaking Spanish at home but in the US so probably bilingual.

I defo feel like I've been reading too many romance novels. Reading or writing?

My crush found an excuse to touch me last week (that sounds really bad😂) he was getting us to do this exercise and the next thing I know he had come over and straightened my legs, I wasn't the only one doing it wrong but I was the only one he corrected. Before that he was using me to demonstrate the moves. I keep catching him looking at me too. It is so bloody ridiculous, I'm a grown woman but I feel so silly.

@Isitreally77 ask him what he's doing after the class?!

@MymbleClement I would love too but I'm scared (I don't want to get hurt) and have constant self doubt about why he would like me but I am starting to think I should ask him.

Whoa - came here for some updates and it seems there have been loads and I just didn't get the notifications!

@RuffleCrow I can't believe he hasn't responded. Even if he's married I would expect him to message quickly to say so then block you if he was worried. Or tell you next time he saw you, it's a bit rude tbh.

@MymbleClement @Isitreally77love that your crush is still alive and well though! Good luck!

I have updates...

So, for anyone new to this I fancied a guy, gave him a card asking him for a drink and my number, he called to say he's married. Fine.

I still walk past him sometimes when there's no parking round the other side, we chatted a few times - all completely inane chat- weather, nearly the end of the week thank goodness, parking moans including about my road which is just a couple of roads away from school/his office (I have to collect the other kid before the school run from elsewhere so no time to walk) We got on fine but the crush was gone, was quite nice to chat. Bumped into him in a coffee shop, drank coffee together. All above board from my perspective, more general chat. Had my kid with me.

He told me he thinks I'm perfect in every way, he had been deliberately making himself finish work as I walked by so that he could talk to me, he knew there was a connection from the first time he saw me, wanted to kiss me the first time I spoke to him, and he's going to leave his wife for me - would I mind waiting for him until after his son has done his exams and they have been on their celebratory holiday?!

You literally couldn't script it.

I obvs set him straight that he's being an idiot, we have spoken a few sentences a few times so we are literally strangers, and I don't want anyone's leftover husbands thank you. He's since left notes on my car when it's parked outside my house. Thank god it's half term so I don't have to see him at all 🙈

But seriously, what do I do now!? Because as much as I can mostly avoid him I will still see him 1-2 times a week, generally not by myself thank god. Why do men do this!? He started the 'I'm bored in my marriage' spiel my and it sounds like a great marriage other than the sex is a bit boring after ten years, no woman would walk away after what he described. Sigh. So many sighs. Also, why is it always me - this is the 3rd time in my life someone has left their wife "for me" - once when I kissed him at an Xmas party not knowing he was married. He did leave soon after, I was young and stupid and we dated for a couple of years. Another time I was bridesmaid and kissed the best man, again not knowing as his wife didn't come, they'd had a fight so she'd stayed behind. He went home next day and left her and still 12 years later he asks me out, he's even been married in between. I'm like the married man whisperer. FML.

Well I want expecting that update!

Wasn't*

I'm sure it's not always you, it's just that a high number of blokes are opportunistic dicks. But he knows where you live?!

I'm starting to think happiness is to be found in pets, not men

Ha well you can imagine my face when this conversation happened!!! I tried laughing it off at first and when he said I'm perfect I said yes, yes I am and laughed. Then he looked like he was about to cry and started talking about how he knew he had to do the right thing and leave his wife because he wasn't happy and I brought him so much happiness but he knew he'd hurt the wife and son (actually his step son, which I personally think is even worse) and I realised this situation wasn't going to be laughed off. My face must have been a picture 😱

@MymbleClement I hate animals, but I'm beginning to agree!

Yes because of me moaning about the parking in my road he knows where I live, we have the same car and it's a small road so I guess he just drove by and found it?! Again a totally innocent comment on my behalf, it's a road that everyone in the area knows so didn't think mentioning it would be a problem but in hindsight... 😩

How could he possibly know you'd bring him 'so much happiness' he doesn't even know you!!! I'm sorry @Needtogetbackinthesack...I mean on a positive note you now know you weren't imagining it and he did fancy you back!!

@Needtogetbackinthesack The guy sounds a right weirdo, he wants to leave his wife for a complete stranger! It's almost as if he has let his imagination run wild and in his mind you were in some kind of relationship,then to put notes on your car😬. But as Mymble said at least you know you weren't imagining the fact he liked you.

On my crush, I was at the gym last night, happily minding my own business on the rowing machine when who should come and do his personal training session on the mat right next to me🤦‍♀️🙈 I kept telling myself "concentrate on what you are doing, don't look", stupidly I kept looking at the reflection in the window and listening to him giving his client instructions and became all distracted. Caught him looking a few times too though.

Ah I'd get hot under the collar with any old PT near me never mind one I have a crush on 😉

And yup he's turning into a complete weirdo. How do I always get it so wrong?! 😩

We all make mistakes and you weren't to know that he would go all weird. He came across quite normal from what you previously posted about him.

Think mine may have worked out that I like him. A friend told me he probably did it deliberately when I told her there were other mats free. We shall see what happens tonight.

needtoo - I've been following this from the start and was gutted for you when he said he was married. Then I thought it was nice that you might have found a friendship, even if it was only superficial, in passing, but now? Wow. What a shock! How have you left things? Are you still friendly and he thinks he can convince you, or have you told him to back off completely?

Isitreally good luck this evening! Hope it goes well.

Ruffle Crow try not to be too disheartened. I spent 9 months crushing on someone from a hobbyist group I was part of when I was younger. We had no need to speak as much as we did, but in social situations there was definite flirting and lingering looks. Then he started messaging me every day for months on end. He was shy and awkward and I was too, so I eventually plucked up the courage to post him a valentine's card because it was clear neither of us were going to ever "make the move", and I couldn't bear to do it face to face.

Anyway, his response was that he liked me but only as a friend. After months of flirting and endless messaging each evening. I was super embarrassed so distanced myself, but it was just awkward having to see each other at our hobbyist thingy but not talking, so I tried to just be friendly and he leapt at the chance to reel me back in. Just as much flirting and messaging as before. Then he started inviting me out with his friends (not from our hobby, so I didn't know them at all). I thought finally we were going to happen. But nope. The next thing I new he had a new girlfriend. And I realised that he was just one of those guys who liked the attention. Life has a way of working things out though. One of his friends, who I met when he invited me out for the evening, is now my DH and we have 2 DC together. If I hadn't taken a punt, got knocked back, and tried again, I'd never have met DH. So, I guess, whatever happens, it could all be a piece of a much bigger and better jigsaw puzzle.

Mumble I am so invested in your situation. I just so, so want you to say something, and then come back and share your success story with us. I know it could be awkward if it doesn't work out, but I don't think you should wait until your DC leave the school, because who knows who he might meet/whether he'll change jobs by then. I genuinely believe that if you like someone enough, it's worth the risk. Either because the prize is great enough, or because the false hope of not knowing when you're so emotionally invested stops you from embracing anyone else.

@Rabbiting0n you're probably right, and it would be quite a while to wait! It's a small community though and I need to have everything sorted out with STBXH first and a bit of distance between us. I don't want to be the local scandal but he is a really lovely, kind man (and hot).

@Rabbiting0n thank you. I still need to pluck up the courage to talk to him rather than just making googly eyes at him.

Well I just had the weirdest conversation tonight, not with my crush but with my ex! We hadn't chatted for a while as he has a new girlfriend so I stepped back but we are best friends. We were chatting and I just told him that there was this guy I liked at the gym, he told me to grow a pair and ask the guy out for a drink if I think he likes me. He said I need to take a risk and allow myself to be happy.