Help me get over this ridiculous crush!

[Needtogetbackinthesack]

I'm newly divorced, haven't had sex since I conceived my 3 yo and I feel it's time to get back out there.

There's a guy I see every morning when dropping my kids off, he works in an office I walk by and his smile makes me weak at the knees. It's got so bad that I can't sleep at night for thinking about him but I'm generally too nervous to even make eye contact as I walk by. He does smile on the odd brave occasion, but he smiles at everyone who walks by.

His office isn't the kind where people off the street could walk in - no customers etc. I literally know nothing else about him, can't see if he's wearing a wedding ring etc. He also sees me walk by with my herd of out of control kids, hardly an attractive prospect. But I can't help but think about him.

How do people deal with such crushes when you're in your mid thirties? I think I need to get out there and meet a real life human and forget about him don't I? But that smile... 😍😆🙈

@Rufflecrow damn!

I know what you mean - before DH I had some truly awful boyfriends. I worry that I'm really good at picking the worst men. We have the option of five free counselling sessions at work and I plan to take them, I am very anxious to avoid choosing more terrible men. Out of the frying pan etc.

I only hesitate as he is a teacher at my kids school 😳 (but doesn't teach my children and won't in the future). Although a good friend of mine researched on my behalf and assured me it's definitely allowed! I have a couple of years to go until the youngest leaves, that would be a long time with egg on my face...

Some good news though as DH seems to be coming round to the idea of moving out and that just staying is bad for everyone. I am scared to do things on my own (money etc) but excited at the same time.

That's really good news that he's thinking of leaving. And good news that a relationship between you and the teacher guy wouldn't be off limits. (She sounds like a great friend btw!)

I remember that fearful feeling - you're so used to having someone else to do all the household admin/ money stuff with, and then suddenly it's like starting from scratch.

Having said that, sitting in the building society opening my new bank account and taking my name of exh's joint account was a landmark moment for me. It's been a very drawn out journey for me since then but i wouldn't change my decision for anything. If i can do it, anyone can

And yes, good counselling is worth its weight in gold.

Hello all, just reviving @needtogetbackinthesack thread as not sure where else to post this! Hope you don't mind.

So, after like, a whole week of waiting i finally saw the guy again just now. Timing is still a bit off but hopefully getting closer. He did seem to be looking at me from a distance as he went round the corner of the road i was about to cross but i had an umbrella in the way so couldn't properly make eye contact . Sadly i was too late to pass him properly - he had already gone a way down the turning by the time i got to the other side of the road and i felt abandoning the dcs to run after him in the wrong direction just to give him a note would have been a bad look! It has to be casual, right?

Oh, RuffleCrow, just rugby tackle him to ground, stuff the note up his shirt and then apologise, saying the 6 nations hype had got to you!

Ha, if it wasn't for the constant presence of the dcs i would have rugby tackled him a long time ago!! He is quite a lot bigger than me though, which could make things...interesting...

@RuffleCrow sounds like rugby tackling him would be fun

Any news anyone?!!!?

Still tumbleweed here i'm afraid.

How about you? How's the job going?

An outsider might think i'm stalling for no real reason:

So he was coming towards me but holding a dc with both arms so i reasoned he wouldn't have a free hand to grab the note. And the logistics of actually giving it to him looked awkward. Also my eldest (13) had just joined us en-route home and i didn't want her to twig/ take the mickey!

He did smile and hold my gaze as he walked past though.

So - am i giving genuine reasons for not doing it, or am i making lame excuses? I actually had the note in my hand if that makes any difference?! Arrrrghhhhh!!!!

@Rufflecrow I feel for you, but you could spend forever trying to pick the perfect moment - just do it!! I had a few weeks where I felt I was slightly getting somewhere with mine - my good male friend is convinced he likes me from what I've said but says men are clueless so I need to make it clear , but I don't want to be too obvious in case other parents start gossiping! In the last week I have been almost totally preoccupied with sorting out separation stuff and I haven't really even seen him but I shall do tomorrow, trying to work out how you flirt with someone as I am thoroughly out of practice

@Mymbleclement i know what you mean about the fear of gossip! Flirting is a bit like riding a bike, or so i've heard! I think eye contact for 2-3 seconds and then breaking it in a coy way is the most important thing - or so Doctor Google tells me

I totally get it around the separation stuff - that must feel like a huge weight to be carrying around when you're on the verge of something new and positive. Maybe allow yourself to "put it down" and give yourself permission to feel free in those moments you're with your crush.

I actually think there's a part of my brain that still thinks i'm married and that might be part of what's holding me back when i have to make that split second decision to give it to him or not. Guilt. Also, there's another part of me that thinks he's way out of my league and why the heck is he even giving me the eye all the time when i clearly ming?! So there's that.

I suppose what i need to bear in mind is:
a) it's very nearly half term and i'll be alternately in need of someone lovely to fill my child free moments when they're at their dads and then overwhelmed with them being at home 24/7, so if i've got even a casual messaging thing going on with him by then it will lift my spirits.

b) although i might not seem him tomorrow or V-day (cringe) i definitely won't see him after half term. And i'll miss his beautiful face so a short moment of embarassment over the next 48 hours could pay off with lots of lovely stuff.

I suppose, like you say, i've just had this picture in my head of that 'perfect moment' where his kids are way ahead of him, mine are way ahead of me and i'm able to be super subtle and keep it just between us. But life's not like that is it? Is messy and chaotic with umpteen kids between us and i just need to find a way to flow with it and do my thing.

Think i need to go and read some inspirational stories about people overcoming real difficulties to achieve great things in order to put my note-slipping in persective

I definitely won't see him during half term, i mean. Sorry for the epic post.

@RuffleCrow ah we have done quite a bit of this already! Also sometimes when we are talking we both end up trailing off but still maintaining eye contact, which is quite weird. I also gave him some info about an art show I went to that he was interested in a few weeks ago and when I was talking to reception, out of the corner of my eye I saw him clock me when he went past, then he came and hung about till I'd finished just to tell me he was planning to go...with his dad! I felt like I was being given some signals there...but then I thought I might be imagining it! God this is pathetic - I'm 40 odd not 15

Life DEFINITELY isn't like that! Half the time when I'm talking to mine I have a child tugging my arm. But your bloke has children so he will understand that won't he? I would do it before half term! It could be nothing or it could turn out to be a sex-fuelled fling or something much bigger than that. We only get one life, go for it.

OP, you will feel obsessively attracted to this crush because your body has released love hormones. It is not all in your head. Your body has been affected and it takes time for those to dissipate. Hormones designed to keep people in love and together cause obsessive attachment even when you know it is not going anywhere. Try to avoid contact/seeing this man and it will speed up your ability to see straight! You will look back one day and wonder what the hell you saw in him!

That all sounds really promising @MymbleClement. And yes, in many ways the sexy eye contact is the easiest part - it's deciding what to do after your eyes have told your brains that yes, this is a thing, that's the hard part. Because i suppose in prehistoric times the 'copulatory gaze' would have been followed fairly swiftly by people acting on it!

@RuffleCrow very true! I don't think it helps that we're both quite reserved people generally. Keep me updated!

@needtogetbackinthesack no news here. I saw him last night and still have the ridiculous crush. Think I'm going to take things slowly and actually get to know him, that's if I can bring myself to speak to him without going all giggly teenager. He had to adjust my legs in one of the exercises last night, that was funny🤣. He was wearing some tight tracksuit bottoms last night that left little to the imagination too.😳🤭

It is done.

Shaking so hard i can't type

That was so awkward i'm cringing like mad. I feel like such a dick! He was sort of forced polite about it and took it.

Anyone around? I think i've hugely over-estimated my allure. I need remember i'm late thirties, not some goofy teenager men my age find attractive. I don't think he will reply in case i'm insane and start stalking him via phone. Of course he will be happily married - aren't they all? In serious need of a handhold.

Oh @RuffleCrow well done for putting yourself out there! I think you’re so brave. Hold your head up high, there’s nothing to cringe about. He just wouldn’t have been expecting it that’s all.

Thanks. Am now feeling like the ugliest thing to ever walk the planet, however.

How/why did i even convince myself he might feel the same? Just because he looked at me?! That's what people do, Ruffle, it doesn't mean they all want to shag you!

Come on, you had smiles, you had lingering looks. You didn’t imagine that. He might not be in a position to take things further but that’s ok, I bet you’ve given him a spring in his step anyway. And if you hadn’t tried you would never have known and would have though what if.

I know. I'd just love to know why it's so hard for these men to just text back promptly with a "thanks, but i'm married." I mean, i don't think ì've ever given him cause to think i'm stalkery (until today).