Help me get over this ridiculous crush!

[Needtogetbackinthesack]

I'm newly divorced, haven't had sex since I conceived my 3 yo and I feel it's time to get back out there.

There's a guy I see every morning when dropping my kids off, he works in an office I walk by and his smile makes me weak at the knees. It's got so bad that I can't sleep at night for thinking about him but I'm generally too nervous to even make eye contact as I walk by. He does smile on the odd brave occasion, but he smiles at everyone who walks by.

His office isn't the kind where people off the street could walk in - no customers etc. I literally know nothing else about him, can't see if he's wearing a wedding ring etc. He also sees me walk by with my herd of out of control kids, hardly an attractive prospect. But I can't help but think about him.

How do people deal with such crushes when you're in your mid thirties? I think I need to get out there and meet a real life human and forget about him don't I? But that smile... 😍😆🙈

Ooh @MymbleClement how exciting!!! Though I am also jealous that yours is single haha. Do keep us posted!! This is so exciting!

I went to court today and totally wiped the floor (by myself) with my husband and his expensive barrister. I wondered if I might feel weird about seeing him. Nope, still a pillock. Though I am feeling a bit deflated about fancy man being married today, will I ever meet anyone decent and single!? (I don't feel like this very often, first time since leaving the ex so it'll pass soon I'm sure...)

i did the exact same thing myself! Whoever is advising these arseholes to hire £££££ worth of barrister to take on one solicitor-less stbx-wife needs to give their heads a wobble. All it does is make us look more vulnerable and the courts are there to protect the more vuonerable party. Dur!

You ladies are awesome. Wiping the floor with douche bag exes and being brave enough to go for it with strangers you fancy - I love this.

I'm only still following now to see what happens with your man @RuffleCrow!

Do you mean Clark Kent is married too? Or the original guy?

Get yourself back on tinder when you feel up to it. Even if you just want the confidence boost of sexy men trying to get you to hook up, you'll find it. I'm decidely average looking but if i wanted casual sex with a hotty tonight, i could have it. I know hookups aren't what we're after here, but the idea that i could if i deigned to has helped me keep my chin up a bit.

@Needtogetbackinthesack I will definitely keep you posted!

Well done today I'm so in awe. We are separated but still in the same house as he refuses to leave Trying to get the courage for the next steps. So I can't really pursue anything at the moment anyway.

Thanks @giveherhellfromus

Aww man. I was following this and just came across it again and I'm bummed at the outcome but to be honest it sounds like a bit of a lucky escape if hes married and offering out his email to a woman hes just met. I would be a bit peeved if I was her.
At least this experience has given you confidence and the knowledge that you are hot and attractive and ready to get back on the dating scene. Xx

@RuffleCrow nobody advised him to get that barrister, he hadn't had any proper legal advice until a week or so ago, he's been sending badly written letters made to look official but full of mistakes. I reckon he panicked last min - I googled the barrister and her chambers comes up as something like "premier London barristers in family law who has great success rates" so he's clearly paid through the nose. She was terrible. And it definitely didn't work in his favour, the court were really helpful and supportive of me not being represented and I feel I got away with a lot. I had the panel laughing with me by the end of it ha! And no I meant I was feeling a bit gutted about the original man being married, even though we have firmly established I dodged a bullet. I reckon hot teachers isn't single though, there are a lot of hot young women who work at the same place who will be drooling I'm sure.

@MymbleClement living together must be the worst!! I feel completely ambivalent towards him now but that's only happened since we lived apart. In the same house I hated hi with a passion I've never felt before, I can't imagine ever hating anyone as much. It was such a physical feeling not just an emotional one. Distance has certainly helped. He wouldn't leave either, I had to pack my bags and run when he was at work one day.

I do need to get back in the tinder game, I've never actually met anyone from there as they all start sounding so boring when they start chatting so maybe I need to just meet quicker, shag and get it done with 🤷🏻‍♀️

I see @Needtogetbackinthesack, well it's his own fault then. I can totally relate to that feeling of hating the man you're married to. Like you, i'm mainly at a point of indifference now - although he still does whatever he can to upset me - i have to remind myself his powers are greatly diminished. Have you ever seen Orange is the New Black? I have a quote from the show: "Break the String" on my fridge and i glance at it whenever he's trying to belittle/ control me again. It helps.

Agree it must be a nightmare for you still living together @MymbleClement sending you unmumsnetty hugs .

Still no sign I'm afraid, but we live in hope

@RuffleCrow any sign?! Update?!

I'm still completely besotted with the married man. I've done nothing but wave (and dream. A girl can still dream, right!?)

Of course you can dream - that's how we create our lives - even if it doesn't always go exactly the way we want.

The fact that you took the bull by the horns like that is setting you up for a great future (and present) where you don't settle for scraps like "do you want my email address?" because you already know that's only going to keep you in limbo and let him dangle you on a string. You're way too good for a guy like that. and you'll be oggling the sexy maths teacher tomorrow anyway.

American guy has disappeared off the face of the planet it seems . I was getting loads of other male attention today though, and was like "right, looking hot today, for once, let me at him!" but still no sign. It all seems to hinge on when our respective dcs get let out of their schools. I guess either the stars align or they don't! I'm just very impatient to get it over with tbh. And hoping he's not avoiding me.

That sounded way more down on your guy than i meant it to! I know he generally seems a good guy.

That sounded way more down on your guy than i meant it to! I know he generally seems a good guy.

I can't believe you haven't seen him since writing the note! Fate is killing us here!!!

I know it's frowned upon to drool over other peoples husband, and I promise I wouldn't do anything or act on it (and accept scraps like email addresses) but it's so hard to stop feeling those stomach butterflies and he looked so shaggable today. Sigh.

I do really feel like better things are ahead - not the sexy maths teacher because I feel like he might have a personality like cardboard but someone will be out there for me soon. I just wish he'd hurry up and reveal himself - a girl has needs!! 😳😊😂🙈😱

@RuffleCrow your second message only came through after I typed my response but you're completely right. He sounds like a complete nightmare. But I still fancy him 🤷🏻‍♀️ Even though I know I'd never want a relationship with him. Crushes are weird AF !!

I think my phone's playing up.

Yep, sadly i suspect my newfound witchy powers may have accidentally turned him into a frog (possibly kermit?) when i thought i'd only said an innocent "hi" . Hopefully his dcs will manage and it won't intefere with his parenting

Do you think seeing office guy daily and trying to stay on friendly terms is making it harder for you?

Haha you need to turn those powers into good witch powers! How often do you usually see him?

Nah, I think I actually think about him more when I don't see him. Haven't spoken to him for a couple of days (Tuesday afternoon I think, v brief couple of sentences) and I'm worse than ever. I think seeing him reminds me that he's a scoundrel who doesn't wear a wedding ring. Doubt I'll see him tmrw either which means a weekend of dreaming 😆🙄🙈

That depends on how much i'm thinking about him. Can be every day twice a day for a while and then i make my mind up to actually do something about it and he vanishes for days and days. And by the time he reappears my resolve has gone. Not this time though. . He's getting this note even if it takes me til we're both pushing zimmer frames to see him again! I expect i'll be joining you on the dream-waiting. Patience, precious

My usual partner for my gym class last night didn't turn up, so I ended up being paired with my hot gym instructor, that was one of the most interesting 30 minutes of my life. In fairness it wasn't until it was over that I actually thought about it as he was making me work so bloody hard I didn't have a chance to feel awkward😂😳

I saw mine earlier but not to talk to as I had kids hanging off me. I had to hold his hand for my experiment! It's all I can think about! Can't help imagining them elsewhere I'm pretty sure it's mutual but I don't know how to move it on...I haven't done this for 15 years!

@Isitreally77 that sounds agonising!

Omg so many updates - @MymbleClement hand holding!!! This is so exciting!!! Though I've got no tips for moving it in, I'm as out of touch as you are ha!

@Isitreally77 and this is also exciting! Though I'd personally hate to be in a position where I had to exercise jn front of a crush, I'm SO unfit 🙈

Will any of you have to see them again today? What about you @RuffleCrow do you reckon you'll get a chance today? It's hot maths man day today - though I don't know enough about where to find him yet so it's not guaranteed. Working from a different office next week so there's potential there too. Other than that I'm going through a barren patch - I literally never see eligible men in my life, sigh 😔

Sounds like a great workout @Isitreally77! And yes, it's funny how we can have delayed reactions in those sorts of circumstances.

@Mymbleclement - that's great that you're getting the feeling that it's mutual. Is there a very casual way you can suggest something - lunch or coffee so you can suss out his relationship status? Because it sounds like he's someone you'll still have to see everyday - whereas both me and needto have/had the cut-n-run avoidance option!

I really hope so, @needtogetbackinthesack. In theory there's no reason why i shouldn't at least see him on the morning school run. However, ds has an appointment after school so i probably won't see him then.

To be honest it's curiosity that's keeping me going at this point: after lots of counselling am i instinctively at least going for decent men and women or am i still stuck in the destructive arsehole-loving path? That's actually even more interesting to me now than whether he's single or not.

Wishing you the very best of beautiful scenery at work today

Sorry @MymbleClement i forgot you'd already said he was single! Just blooming go for it

Arf, my timing's off. Got to the turning where our paths intersect and had a good look up the road to see if he was coming. Think i saw him in the distance but couldn't think of a way to stall the dcs long enough to wait for him, and besides, drivers were waving us across the road! Did say to the dcs "shall we go this way? It might be quicker" so we could walk past him, but they were having none of it. Quite rightly!