Help me get over this ridiculous crush!

[Needtogetbackinthesack]

I'm newly divorced, haven't had sex since I conceived my 3 yo and I feel it's time to get back out there.

There's a guy I see every morning when dropping my kids off, he works in an office I walk by and his smile makes me weak at the knees. It's got so bad that I can't sleep at night for thinking about him but I'm generally too nervous to even make eye contact as I walk by. He does smile on the odd brave occasion, but he smiles at everyone who walks by.

His office isn't the kind where people off the street could walk in - no customers etc. I literally know nothing else about him, can't see if he's wearing a wedding ring etc. He also sees me walk by with my herd of out of control kids, hardly an attractive prospect. But I can't help but think about him.

How do people deal with such crushes when you're in your mid thirties? I think I need to get out there and meet a real life human and forget about him don't I? But that smile... 😍😆🙈

It's a shame it never worked out with this guy but at least you won't be left wondering " what if" and it's probably a sign you're mentally ready to meet someone. Give online dating another try, it's worth it in the end.

At least you found out now and not when you're overly invested (insert winky face here)

NotSusanna That's interesting, because I only know two married people who don't wear a wedding ring, and they're both men in their seventies! All of my married colleagues and friends wear one and I personally haven't met any married men younger than about fifty who don't wear a wedding ring.

Happy to be told I'm wrong - just my observation

Drumroll please... I've discovered the hot colleague 😍😍 a maths teacher with a body like Adonis. Swoon.

However, I do not not to shit on your own doorstep so I shall be admiring from afar. (Lesson learned the hard way. More than once 😟)

I do know not to that should say...

Who knew maths teachers came in adonis form? How have you seen his bod already, needto? You work fast?! Or were you doing the thing i do where you look for how his shirt falls, etc?

I wrote my crush a little 'would you like to meet for coffee?' note in your honour btw. Stashed it in my phone case ready to use some subterfuge like "excuse me, i think you dropped this yesterday" - said with a knowing smile so he twigs but the dcs don't?

I'm sick of waiting around for a sign - he's either shy or married and dammit, after this thread I need to know which one! Now!

Sadly my dcs came out of school late and i missed him. Still, i'll keep it in there so as to be prepared.

On his walk back from school he could walk on either side of the road and it wouldn't make much difference but he tends to walk on my side - and more so the more we've looked at each other the previous time, it seems.

His shirt didn't fall at all, it clung to his huge muscly torso (not my usual type at all, I'm much more a fan of a dad bod but I was so awestruck one of the older ladies who was with him smiled at me after she clocked me gawping. Cringe)

OH EM GEE I'm so excited and proud about the note, you have to keep us posted!! I can also confirm it's not that cringey if he is married, I'm over it already.

Though typically there were parking issues today so I had to park near his office and we had another chat and it was nice. He came out of his office again as we went by and we talked about my job and how my first day went and what my last job was and it was literally just nice. No flirting, no nothing just a quick chat in passing. The kind of chat that I'd be completely ok with my husband having. So I think now it's out in the open my giggling and flusteredness has completely gone. Winner!

I can't even picture this maths guy, except maybe Superman when he's Clark Kent! So glad your new job has some gorgeous scenery.

'My' guy is on the very fit end of the dadbod scale. In the summer he tends to wear crisp plain white tshirts, that kid of thing and i just drink him in. That's how long this silliness has been going on.

Yep I'll come back and update as soon as the deed's done, so to speak. I was going to ask you if you minded me posting on your thread if it's good news, but i now realise the chances of that are so incredibly slim, i may as well ask if you mind me posting if he turns out to be a day-glo unicorn.

Also glad your friendship with the office guy is going well. That's lovely to hear.

I just tried a google search to help you imagine, to no avail. But yes effectively he looks exactly like that, with a fairly chiselled jaw and dark hair and facial hair somewhere between a beard and stubble. And intelligent which i have a big thing for, could listen to a man talking intelligent stuff forever 😍

And YES you better come back and update us either way - this thread has been such a lovely chat for a few weeks. Although I'm a bit disappointed with the outcome I've still enjoyed it! I actually quite miss the excitement of the chase tbh, so I'm going to be living vicariously through you and everyone else who revealed their crushes on this thread!!

Just came back to this thread for the update can't believe he's married! I think he was probably enjoying the attention and then when it got real he felt bad and put a stop to it. I'm glad you've managed to avoid things being completely awkward!

Aww sorry to hear that a lot of them are married unfortunately I've met lots of men like this, married with no intention of ending it but still up for a flirt or even an affair it's so infuriating as a single woman who is looking for a partner, not an affair partner! But at least you know now and can move on. Good luck with the hot maths teacher! @RuffleCrow I reckon it s your turn to ask yours on a date next! And then maybe I'll be brave enough to ask mine!

@MsChatterbox yeah I agree - and tbh today, since I found out, things haven't been flirty but it's been just nice to chat to him. Not awkward, no harm done.

@stillsexy PLEASE do, and the promise to come back and update us!! I've had such fun on this thread and want the fun to continue, it's been lovely!

Yep @Stillsexystillsingle I have the 'final version' of my note all folded up and stashed ready to give to him, so i'm comitted now, lol. You should definitely "enter the arena" and follow suit! I'm already feeling 'relieved' at the idea that the uncertainty is nearly over but my hands are shaking.
It now says "hey, I feel like we're supposed to do more than just walk past each other! Let me know if you feel the same. x" i decided to shoot from the heart, so to speak. Is that lame? Argh! So nervous!

I'm so pleased it's not awkward and you can still talk to him, that's great. Ask if he has any single friends!

@RuffleCrow did it happen today?!

Haven't seen him yet. Was planning to give it to him on the afternoon run anyway to minimise the chances of him amusing his coworkers with my desperation.

I don't honestly think he's 'like that' but the truth is, i don't actually know him at all. All i have to go on is a generally 'vibe' but i've been very wrong about people before!

I figured it's less likely to get lost if he's on his way home too. Plus my dcs go to their dad's tonight so i can mope alone, rather than being all distracted and irritable with them.

I'm awful though, i have this whole imaginary future planned and keep imagining positive conversations/ outcomes in my head. Trying to get on with some work to keep myself sane.

How's Kent Clark this morning?

Or Clark Kent even? Lol, my brain is truly fried by this debacle

I don't work on weds, won't see him til fri. I'm in court divorcing the ex today 🤗

oh god needto good luck!

I finally divorced my ex last year after he dragged me through the courts twice (and he hired a fucking Rumpole style barrister as well as a solicitor to rip me to shreds last time. Which, conveniently of course, means he can now blame me for his being broke) so i'll be thinking of you today.

Hope your ex isn't quite as much of an abusive arse as mine

@Needtogetbackinthesack I'm gutted it didn't work out but super super impressed with how you approached things. Something better is coming for you I'm sure. Take heart from knowing you've inspired a whole bunch of women to put on their big girl pants and do the same

Good look at @RuffleCrow keep us posted!

i completely agree @mymbleclement.

Big girl pants are on but no sign of The Guy. He's probably seen this thread, recognised himself and is cowering in a corner of the school playground, too scared to leave

That's the problem with these (admittedly great) threads, we all get so impatient and life is like "chill, you'll see him when you see him" .

So frustrating but i will keep going. I've come so far - i can't quit.

Today I managed to get mine to take part in an experiment I'm doing (for what it's worth I highly recommend 'Would you like to help me with science?' as a chat up line ) - not only did he agree, he went and recruited me a bunch of other men as I didn't have enough! But I didn't get any further than that - damn my social awkwardness

Lol that's great. Will you see him again to follow up on the experiment?! What's it on?

I think "Hi, I think this is yours" before thrusting my bit of paper at him is as sophisticated a chat-up line as i'm going to achieve. Before rushing hurriedly away. I hope he takes it. Oh dear lord what if he doesn't even take the note? Or what if he takes it but doesn't look at it and puts it in his kid's schoolbag for his possible wife to find?! So many horrible possibilities.

I see him every day so yes - can't say what the experiment is because it would massively out me but it has allowed me to establish that he is definitely single

I sympathise, I could just about manage to get the data I needed without blushing furiously (I had to touch him! )