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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Help me get over this ridiculous crush!

554 replies

Needtogetbackinthesack · 05/01/2020 15:33

I'm newly divorced, haven't had sex since I conceived my 3 yo and I feel it's time to get back out there.

There's a guy I see every morning when dropping my kids off, he works in an office I walk by and his smile makes me weak at the knees. It's got so bad that I can't sleep at night for thinking about him but I'm generally too nervous to even make eye contact as I walk by. He does smile on the odd brave occasion, but he smiles at everyone who walks by.

His office isn't the kind where people off the street could walk in - no customers etc. I literally know nothing else about him, can't see if he's wearing a wedding ring etc. He also sees me walk by with my herd of out of control kids, hardly an attractive prospect. But I can't help but think about him.

How do people deal with such crushes when you're in your mid thirties? I think I need to get out there and meet a real life human and forget about him don't I? But that smile... 😍😆🙈

OP posts:
Mammyloveswine · 04/02/2020 07:33

Noooo!!

glutten4punishment · 04/02/2020 07:41

Nooooooooo!! Why don't men wear their rings?!!
Was he the withheld number?

glutten4punishment · 04/02/2020 07:42

Oh and good luck in the new job! New chapter for you!

Original poster
Needtogetbackinthesack · 04/02/2020 07:42

@MaxPanic yeah I do have mixed feelings about the whole thing - he was definitely flirting and even on the call was a bit. Scoundrel 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
Needtogetbackinthesack · 04/02/2020 07:42

@glutten4punishment yep he was the withheld number. So clearly I do look stalkerish haha. I know, I always find it weird when men don't wear rings. And a bit suspicious tbh...

OP posts:
KitMarlowesCodpieceOfThigh · 04/02/2020 07:53

Well, OP, at least you put yourself out there. Onward and upward, and good luck for your first day at your new job!

Not very impressive that he offered you his email address - presumably because his wife doesn't read his emails? Hmm Naughty.

PetitTorteois · 04/02/2020 07:54

I mainly feel sorry for the poor DW! She is the only one who has no idea of what's been going on.

TinyTimsCrutch · 04/02/2020 07:54

Damn him! At least you know you’ve still got itWink
Have a fab first day

MaxPanic · 04/02/2020 07:56

Seems to me he enjoys the excitement of a bit of flirtation and seeks it out, but being married has no intention of acting on it.

Maybe he thought you were married too so saw you as a safe bet - and is now hurriedly backtracking!

Look on the bright side though - you've still got it. Wink I'm happily married but no ones flirted with me for years anyway, booo.

Tell a lie, I got a "Morning Gorgeous" from a big fat sweaty builder in a Sainsburys car park about 5 years ago, which was delightful. Hmm

Original poster
Needtogetbackinthesack · 04/02/2020 07:56

@PetitTorteois obviously had I known there was a wife this never would have happened!

OP posts:
GiveHerHellFromUs · 04/02/2020 07:58

@PetitTorteois you don't know that. He might have said "you'll never guess what's happened. You know that lady I told you about with the really cute kids...?"

Don't just assume he's a scumbag Hmm aside from the blatant flirting but sometimes that's harmless!

PetitTorteois · 04/02/2020 08:23

@Needtogetbackinthesack
Sorry I didn't mean it like that, I just tried to say that I wouldn't like to be in the DW's shoes.
@GiveHerHellFromUs
aside from the blatant flirting
Exactly, he was blatantly flirting! How was it not harmless? He went on to give the OP his e-mail address so that the wife wouldn't be suspicious. Plus he withheld his number so that the OP wouldn't be calling back at inconvenient times, e.g. a family dinner. Yeah, totally fine...

Original poster
Needtogetbackinthesack · 04/02/2020 08:25

It's also not his first wife... (I braved it and saw him this morning and did some digging.)

OP posts:
GiveHerHellFromUs · 04/02/2020 08:26

@PetitTorteois yeah offering his email address is weird but maybe he thought they could genuinely be friends? He didn't offer to take her out and hide his wife from her did he?

The withheld number was much more likely to be in case OP turned out to be a crazy stalker, than in case this woman who nothing has happened with phoned him at tea time.

Original poster
Needtogetbackinthesack · 04/02/2020 08:38

I mean, if I hadn't fancied him/asked him for a drink I'm sure I'd have ended up chatting to him more over the next few years and I've made friends like that in the past. We had a perfectly innocent chat this morning and it was nice. And maybe I just totally misread the situation and he wasn't flirting at all because I'm not sure he actually did anything that could be classed as inappropriate really - he chatted and waved a few times and smiled. I was the one who asked him out - and that was only because I didn't know. And I think maybe the email thing was just a bit of nerves and he didn't really mean to say it. Who knows. Either way, I won't be pursuing a married man but I do have to see him for the next 8 years so I'm glad I braved it and had a chat this morning.

In other news, 2 separate women I've never seen before stopped me to tell me I look "beautiful" and "glamorous" so I'm feeling good about today!

OP posts:
SweetpeaOrMarigold · 04/02/2020 08:42

Ah gutted 🙁

GiveHerHellFromUs · 04/02/2020 08:45

You're so dignified OP. I want to be like you when I grow up!

Original poster
Needtogetbackinthesack · 04/02/2020 08:56

Haha @GiveHerHellFromUs I'm fairly dignified sober. Give me a couple of vinos and I'm a completely different story 😂

Plus I don't really have much choice - I don't want to be an ow, so I can either hold my head high or hide 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
GiveHerHellFromUs · 04/02/2020 08:57

@Needtogetbackinthesack probably a good job he withheld his number then Wink

bobstersmum · 04/02/2020 09:24

When did he ring then, very late? He sounds dodgy to me. He owed you nothing, but his wife everything, he'd have been better to pretend he never got it. Offering his email is off, who needs to email someone that they don't know? I'm sure you said it's harder work for you to walk past his work op, I think you need to go the simpler way from now.

RuffleCrow · 04/02/2020 09:27

A bit gutted for you @Needtogetbackinthesack. Sending you unmumsnetty hugs ((()))

But on the upside at least he was honest. And it sounds like he does fancy you but neither of you are going to act on it under the circumstances. The email thing does suggest he was having second thoughts and trying to find a 'third way' but good for you for rebuffing him! I would like to think i'd be strong enough to do the same. Good luck with the new job Smile

lifeisgoodmostofthetime · 04/02/2020 09:33

I've been rooting for you op. You tried and you're very inspiring. Good luck with your new job

Sunflowersok · 04/02/2020 10:32

I think you dodged a bullet there... he was definitely enjoying the excitement OP, clearly flirting and it seems very strange how he’s married but you commented that he had no ring?

Still, gutted for you, but at least you went in all brave and who knows what can happen next with your newly found confidence. Hats off to you!! Wine

NotSusanna · 04/02/2020 11:53

I'm surprised how many people think it's unusual for a married person not to wear a ring.

I never wore a ring when I was married and I know many people who don't wear a ring.

Zoflorabore · 04/02/2020 13:20

Echoing that workplaces are full of eligible men op! Unless you’re working erm.. tries to think of something female dominated but can’t. Go get em Grin