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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Help me get over this ridiculous crush!

554 replies

Needtogetbackinthesack · 05/01/2020 15:33

I'm newly divorced, haven't had sex since I conceived my 3 yo and I feel it's time to get back out there.

There's a guy I see every morning when dropping my kids off, he works in an office I walk by and his smile makes me weak at the knees. It's got so bad that I can't sleep at night for thinking about him but I'm generally too nervous to even make eye contact as I walk by. He does smile on the odd brave occasion, but he smiles at everyone who walks by.

His office isn't the kind where people off the street could walk in - no customers etc. I literally know nothing else about him, can't see if he's wearing a wedding ring etc. He also sees me walk by with my herd of out of control kids, hardly an attractive prospect. But I can't help but think about him.

How do people deal with such crushes when you're in your mid thirties? I think I need to get out there and meet a real life human and forget about him don't I? But that smile... 😍😆🙈

OP posts:
Original poster
Needtogetbackinthesack · 03/02/2020 20:03

@littlestrawby I'm going to bed shortly after 9 (my kids have been hideous through the night recently, I reckon they can sniff my new job in the air, I'm bloody knackered) and then I'm not going to be able to answer my phone all day tmrw or weds (or Friday if we get that far in this saga) so fingers crossed.

OP posts:
Original poster
Needtogetbackinthesack · 03/02/2020 20:06

@motheringmayham ah similar to me then in terms of ages, I do agree that the lack of time is a bit of an issue. I'm lucky enough to have mum nearby and she's pretty good but I've got loads of other stuff planned so I do need to be at home sometimes/not take the piss with my mum. But I figured that's a great time to start seeing someone casually because at least I won't get over invested quickly, and if it goes tits up I've got plenty of distractions.

It's definitely hard navigating all this as a single mum!

Also, your ex sounds like a complete pillock. Well done for getting rid!

OP posts:
MrJollyLivesNextDoor · 03/02/2020 20:12

Why can't you answer your phone tomorrow???

You must!!

RuffleCrow · 03/02/2020 20:13

No @DamnItsSevenAM don't worry i haven't given anything away that you wouldn't get from a review. Plenty more to the book than that bit.

Stillsexystillsingle · 03/02/2020 20:15

My feeling is it is him making the missed calls ... you need to answer your phone!

DamnItsSevenAM · 03/02/2020 20:15

Thank you Ruffle! I appreciate knowing; think I'll treat myself now as I'm in the bath.

OP i hope there's news soon. Fingers crossed.

Original poster
Needtogetbackinthesack · 03/02/2020 20:24

@MrJollyLivesNextDoor because it's my first day in a new job!!! And I'm not sure answering those kinds of calls on my first day is a great look 🙈 (I did tell him I was starting a new job this week so wouldn't see him around...)

OP posts:
Original poster
Needtogetbackinthesack · 03/02/2020 20:24

Obvs I can in the evening but it doesn't look like he does evenings 🙄

OP posts:
Original poster
Needtogetbackinthesack · 03/02/2020 20:25

And @DamnItsSevenAM Eleanor oliphant is a brilliant read!

OP posts:
MrJollyLivesNextDoor · 03/02/2020 20:38

Ah I see, yes could be awkward!

Well please carry it around like an iron lung just in case you get the opportunity to answer 🙂

Original poster
Needtogetbackinthesack · 03/02/2020 21:21

So the 9pm prediction was wrong, and I'm now off to bed. The drama continues for another day...

(Joke, before anyone moans at me for not answering my phone!)

I will provide updates as soon as I can!

OP posts:
TripleXtra4 · 03/02/2020 21:43

OP do you frequently get calls from an unknown number? Just thinking if you dont recieve them type of calls usually..then it could be him. Have just read the whole thread and really hope he does get in contact with you.

Original poster
Needtogetbackinthesack · 03/02/2020 21:57

No not really, but I've got a few appointments etc this week to do with the kids school/hospital/solicitors etc and the new job, so it equally could have been any of those calling. I'd have thought any of them - or him - would have left a vm though?!

OP posts:
MrJollyLivesNextDoor · 03/02/2020 22:49

School/hospital/solicitors all likely to leave vm

I hope it's him!

MrJollyLivesNextDoor · 03/02/2020 22:51

Also..and more importantly really 😎..good luck in your 1st day at your new job tomorrow, hope it goes well!

Original poster
Needtogetbackinthesack · 04/02/2020 06:36

@MrJollyLivesNextDoor ah thank you! It's my first 'proper/office based' job since mat leave and the first job since separating so today is the start of a whole new life and financial independence! It's such a massive deal to me so I'm not letting one minor, potential rejection stop me today!

OP posts:
MikeHannigansStripyShirt · 04/02/2020 06:42

I hope your first day is brilliant - how exciting to have financial independence.

Just a little thought - have you recorded your own answering message on your phone or is it generic one? It might be an idea to record your own - promising to return calls as soon as possible - and then that might encourage this mystery person to leave you a message?

GiveHerHellFromUs · 04/02/2020 06:52

Have a fantastic day!

Original poster
Needtogetbackinthesack · 04/02/2020 07:19

He's married 😩

OP posts:
MaxPanic · 04/02/2020 07:21

Aaaarrghhhh! What happened?

GiveHerHellFromUs · 04/02/2020 07:21

Oh god 😩 at least you can't avoid him. And you've realised there's life after your scumbag ex!

GiveHerHellFromUs · 04/02/2020 07:22

*can

littlestrawby · 04/02/2020 07:25

Nooooo 😫😫

Original poster
Needtogetbackinthesack · 04/02/2020 07:26

Haha he phoned and sounded really nervous and just said he wanted to be honest and he was married, he was lovely about it. And we had a very brief chat while my kids gave me aggro in the background, it was all very awkward but fine and I said I'd continue to wave to him. He offered me his email address which is think was a bit odd - I'm not really prepared to email a married man so I just glossed over that.

Ah well, onwards and upwards. I'm laughing to myself while getting ready so I think I'll survive... maybe just avoid him for the next few days 🙈

OP posts:
MaxPanic · 04/02/2020 07:32

Oh what a choker. Never mind, at least he was honest (we'll gloss over his weeks of flirting shall we) - have a great first day, onwards and upwards! Flowers

there'll be someone hot at work