DP acting extremely strange...

[Ishiede]

Over the last few days, I keep catching him crying. He says he is having nightmares a lot, and when I ask what is wrong he says it’s a long story. He is also treating me like I am the enemy and being quite nasty towards me for absolutely no reason. He doesn’t like his job and finances are tough at the moment. I just can’t work out what the problem is. Living with him is unbearable at the moment. I having done anything to give him a reason to be so cruel and nasty towards me. He won’t talk to me and is very bad tempered. What should I do?

It does sound like he's looking for a fight and for you to be the 'bad guy' in it.

Decide what you want and act accordingly. If you don't want to live with him being a miserable arsehole to everyone and blaming them for his misery, then tell him to go. If you want to get to the bottom of it because this is unusual, tell him you're concerned about him and would you like to accompany him to a depression screening at the GPs.

good luck

Sounds like depression OP.

I would be suspicious of the bad dreams reason tbh it sounds like an excuse

He does have these episodes of self pity. Woe is me and then he’s fine. I find it very self absorbed. Especially when we have three kids to look after.
Things might be getting on top of him but I’m exhausted with having to pick him up all the time. Especially when if I’m upset he tells me to stop being weak. Therefore my sympathy for him isn’t stretching as much as it used too. I’m pretty fed up of it all.
Finances he controls and when I ask to look at them, he says when I start contributing to the house I can. Which is nice.

So he's stressed at work, picking fights at you and there have been problems with "girls at work" before.

OP, they can always find time at work. Before work, lunch, after work, taking holiday days you didn't know about, broom closet...they always find a way.

There's an OW and she's dumped him (or refused to leave her husband). That's why he's crying, spitting venom at you and complaining about his "work stress".

Finances he controls and when I ask to look at them, he says when I start contributing to the house I can. Which is nice

Are you SAHM and not married? Very very vulnerable position.

Pics last time I knew straight away. I really don’t think there is OW somewhere. How would I even find out? I don’t have access to his phone

Twenty and don’t I know it. I’m a full time carer for our son. Can’t work until September when he starts school.

Bad dreams....or guilt meaning he can't sleep?

People usually suggest gambling debt you don't know about if he won't let you see a bank statement.

Finances he controls and when I ask to look at them, he says when I start contributing to the house I can. Which is nice.

Start invoicing him for his half of the child care at £12 per hour

Then start giving a portion of the money back

Arse

Him not you

'Especially when if I’m upset he tells me to stop being weak.'

This is not ok.

'I’m pretty fed up of it all.'

If you haven't yet, you could tell him the 'I won't be used as an emotional punchbag' line. That was good.

'Finances he controls and when I ask to look at them, he says when I start contributing to the house I can. Which is nice.'

Wanker.

Whenever he goes on I would just say 'I can't help you, you need to see a professional. Please see the GP as you're making life hard for all of us. If you won't do it for yourself, do it for me and the kids.'' or something along those lines.

If he talks shit, answer him back, it'll show him and the kids it's not ok, and make you feel better.

'Isn't this what you wanted? Misery.'

'No not really, I'd prefer not to live with someone who makes us all walk on eggshells.'
'I'd prefer my husband to deal with his mental health problems, if that's what it is.'
'I'd prefer not to live with a fun sponge.'

I would find this stuff difficult to get out of my mouth, but I admire women who do it.

If this is a repeated pattern then you could consider throwing him out, at least until he gets help.

Best wishes and so sorry you're living with this. xxx

He sounds like a controlling fuckwit to me

Does he have any good points at all ? Likes dogs ? Doesn't smack you about ? Nice to old ladies ? I am struggling to understand why you are with him.

OP, I am very sorry. It sounds like nothing has changed.

A year ago you wrote about your misery with this despicable man. He is physically, emotionally and verbally abusive to you. He had 2 EAs when you were pregnant, and has upskirted other women. He admires Travellers who marry 15 year old girls.

He has attended only one hospital appointment for your disabled son whom you care for full-time. He has checked out of parenting your 3 children, but has threatened to take them from you if you leave him.

You were advised to contact Women’s Aid. It is disturbing to hear that you and the children are still in this toxic environment. I hope that you can find a way to leave. Perhaps individual counseling could provide some much needed support for you.

Regarding the possibility of an OW, plenty of people cheat during lunch and by leaving work early.

Sounds exhausting OP, I don't blame you for wanting out of this relationship. Sounds toxic for you and the children

Thank you interestedwoman that’s really helpful. I’m going to become quite robotic and emotionless. I’m not going to give him anymore attention. It’s almost like dealing with a teenager. I want to make moves to get out of this relationship now. I’m so tired of the pattern we are going over. It’s not healthy for the kids or me, he can play silly buggers on someone else’s time.

Christ. Sounds like him shagging OW would be a blessing if it made you call time on this shit show.

Did you talk to him op?

Agree with PicsInRed - my first thought was he'd been dumped by OW.

Spuds it is exhausting. But I feel stronger to do something about it now.
MsDogLady I didn’t have a plan then but I do now. I was getting through it for the kids but it’s affecting them now and I can’t ignore that.

My BIL was acting just like this a couple of years ago. Although he denied it for months months, he was having an affair. The crying and upset was basically guilt, and not knowing what to do.

However, whatever the reason behind this situation he has no right to treat you so horribly. Money problems - you work and on together and source appropriate advice. Potential depression or other medical issues he sees his GP. Work problems, discuss with his line manager and/ or looks for other jobs. Please don't put up with his nasty behaviour.

Maybe he was having an affair and has been dumped ?

Not yet Alexandra. Kids are still awake. Will wait until later on. I don’t have anything left in my tank anymore. Actually looking forward to starting a new life.

I’m going to confront him to see if there is OW also. You guys seem to think he might be so I’ll ask him. I will know by his reaction.