Huge argument... I don't know if I was being unreasonable.

[NamechangeoutedbyMIL]

I'll start off by saying that I recently went back on hormonal contraception and it's made me incredibly grumpy... I just don't feel myself.

Anyway, last night, DPs friend knocked in the door and delivered a parry invite. DP was in the bath so I went to the door, thanked friend for the invite etc.

When I got inside, opened the invite and saw it was just addressed to DP and not me. There was a cutesy note alongside basically saying to keep costs down, there were no plus ones.

This immediately pissed me off. We invited this friend, his plus one and his parents to our engagement party (at DPs request, he spent a lot of time with this friend and his family in his teen years). They all came and ate, drank etc at my expense. I just thought it was incredibly rude to come to the house where I live with an invite to a party that I'm not invited too?

Anyway, DP agreed it was pretty rude but he was going to go anyway because he didn't want to miss his friends party.

Then I remembered that another of his friends has a party shortly after out engagement party that I was invited too, but DP told me he would rather go alone.

So in my anger last night, I said it seemed like I was good enough to pay for everyone to come to our party but not good enough to attend any parties with him.

This then escalated into an argument that after 8 years together, I barely know any of his friends other than to say hello too and at our wedding, there's going to be 70 off people there I barely even know. Again, that I am paying the bulk of.

I don't understand his insistence to keep me and his friends separate?

I asked him and he said that it was bevause he "can relax and be himself" when I'm not there to which I replied saying I found that to be a concerning statement and so who is he when he's with me if he is himself when he's alone with them?

I'm still mad this morning, he slept in the living room last night.

I don't even know what the point of this is, I just need to get it off my chest I think.

The Op has said he only goes out with his mates once every couple of months. So she is not constantly being overlooked or abandoned for his friends....

She has also explained that the party she has not been invited to is a formal occasion - a joint party between her partner's friend and his mother, who is organizing the event.... so that means the true 'inviter' is three steps removed from the OP! Doesn't seem like it should be a huge insult to me for her to be excluded (especially since she doesn't particularly like them).

I do agree they need a good conversation about how they include each other in their lives and how they feel about that. But this is an eight year relationship, in which the OP says he is a loving partner who treats her well, pulls his weight, and has been the primary earner for he huge majority of it.

Suggesting for example, that the OP must be overweight or her partner must be after her money or citizenship based on this, or that she is crazy not to leave is farcical. BIWI if you think I am not reading the posts properly then please quote for me what OP has said that points to evidence that she is in an awful situation she needs to wake up to. I genuinely see none. I see a lot of hysterical projection - and unpleasantness towards the OP.... little genuine concern or listening to what she actually says. I wouldn't be surprised if she has left the thread for this reason...

Some posters really have very low expectations of men and their behaviour.

A lot of us are married to lovely men so when we come across behaviour by men who are supposed to love us that we would find hurtful and very humiliating then it's not "bonkers"

Isn't that a form of gaslighting?!

Goodness so many women appear to expect so little in the way of kind and thoughtful behaviour on here it is tragic.

Ok op, your fiance is a delight, don't worry, he is being kind and thoughtful for you by excluding you from having to deal with his friends and true behaviour

@BraveGoldie

Thank you summed up my feelings on this thread very well. He is a good, kind, funny, thoughtful, handsome man who goes above and beyond for me practically every day. I certainly didn't expect to come on here and have people absolutely convinced that my DP, a man they don't know from Adam is seeing prostitutes, taking drugs, conspiring behind my back, cheating on me let alone that he is only with me for my money... (my paltry 25k salary... Hardly) despite the fact that when he was the main earner he was very good about it.

I don't think this thread was very helpful, we are genuinely happy, this is the only argument we've had for about 3 years and really, it's quite a minor thing. Yes, we need to discuss in more detail but the absolute screams of LTB are over the top completely.

I appreciate everyone posting and trying to help but not every man who has a couple of small perfections is an abusive, cheating, drug addicted cunt!!!

Crack on then OP . Hope you sort it with a little chat.

This has reminded me of a row I had with DH years ago.
Although he was very keen for me to meet his family and family friends, he seemed reluctant to have me spend any time with a specific group of his single male friends.

It turned out to be him feeling insecure about himself and worrying that, if I saw him in a bad light, he might lose me.
Daft Loon that he was.
There could be loads of reasons your radar has picked up that he he has an issue with this. Sometimes a good old row is the only way to bust things open for an honest conversation.
He’s behaving weirdly and it’s made you feel bad. You need to talk kindly to each other about it.

That's good OP, sounds like a good chat with him would be the ticket. From everything else you've said he sounds like a reasonable guy who will listen to and respect your feelings .

When I posted earlier with my experience, the context with my ex was that he was going out all night multiple times a week and almost certainly has a drug and alcohol problem... He also refused to have a discussion about it . So much more extreme than your DP!

I think as long as you feel can have a good chat about it and take each other's feeling on board then you'll be fine.