How to ask out a practical stranger? Bad idea?

[JukeboxRomeo]

I have namechanged for this. I'm almost mortified about posting it and I don't know if this is even the right place.
Basically, in a nutshell, how on earth do you know if a guy likes you and how do you ask them out? Without causing extreme embarrassment if it goes tits up.
Back story goes there is a place that I frequent (not hugely often but have been there twice in the last two months) where said guy works on the front desk. I fancy the pants of him. I can't really explain why, I wouldn't say he is particularly attractive but there is just something about him that is driving me mad. I have this mad inkling he might feel the same (I could be wrong, hence the not making a fool of myself bit) and I am aware that I don't really know him but there is just this really strong tension that I have never felt before whenever I am in his presence. I nearly give him a christmas card with my number in last week but chickened out at the last minute. I'm kind of kicking myself.
So how do I go about this? Is it a stupid idea to persue this in the first place? Has anyone here ever asked out a semi stranger? Did it go well? I would really like to be able to visit this business again so I'm wary of it going wrong. Very wrong, but something in my gut is telling me to do something. I think I'll regret it if I don't.

I'm going to have to admit I haven't done it yet. If I'm honest with myself I'm annoyed that I didn't do it last time as there was the perfect opening and I didn't think and I doubt I'll get that kind of chance again.

I'm going back there at the end of the month anyway for an appointment and I'm really going to try and do it then. I'm just hoping he is single. I think that would be somewhat worse than rejection finding out he is actually attached and I've misread everything and made an idiot of myself. Please everybody wish me luck, I'll need it!

You wouldn't have made an idiot of yourself though OP.

If you think he's showing signs of being interested then that's probably because he is. If he's attached then that's him that is being an idiot.

I had a similar situation in my early 20s where I gave a guy in a coffee shop who had been flirting with me (and giving me free coffees!) my phone number. He texted me and said he was married with two kids! I was upset but didn't feel like an idiot and because that place was the regular hangout for me and my friends I kept going there and after feeling awkward the first couple of times it all settled down and was fine.

This is NOT an update. I'm just sulking.

I don't think it's looking good. I was so set to give him my number but I think I might be wrong.
I just messaged the business to make an appointment (different appointment to the one at the end of the month, it's for March and necessary). The guy handles all messages to the shop so I know it's him that's replying. He responds immediately all good, appointment booked. He then proceeds to forget my name. He knows my name, he has used it several times, it appears at the top of the screen. This is done on an app where a picture of you is next to the messages like on messenger. What's more infuriating is he used a longer version of my actual name that I hate. Think your name is Isabelle but being called Isabella, or Hannah and Anna.
Blehhh. I'm irrationally annoyed.

Stop making excuses and just do it!

When people come into my work that I fancy. Just add them on insta and they normally message anyway xx

How can you be absolutely sure that it's him replying? You could make a lighthearted joke about the name thing, say I thought after x months you would know my name is "Anna" and not Hannah and then it clears up who is replying, and then if it's him you've got a chance to make the conversation not about work and ultimately message about something socially. If it's not him - no problem, back to the drawing board.

Luna I'm like 95% sure it was him. I really don't want to say what the business is but it's a really small alternative business (less than 5 people working there). It's not a structured business like a doctor's surgery or dentist and this guy mans the front desk but also controls the social media and appointments.
The name thing has really bugged me. I really don't think he doesn't know it. I've made many appointments before and he hasn't got it wrong before also he once remembered a tiny detail I sent in a message 10 days previously that even I had forgotten.
The only other thing I can think of (and I really don't know if this is the kind of thing a man would do) is when I was there before Christmas he kind of made a tit of himself by accident. Not in a nasty way, in a mouth engages before brain and you accidentally say what you were thinking. I thought it was cute but he kind of went bright red and looked like he wanted the ground to swallow him up. Maybe it's something to do with that, or maybe he really has forgotten my name. Jesus christ I hope nobody who knows him recognises this as unlikely as that is it would be just my luck.

this is where women fall down: the over analysis of everything. He's a guy, just ask him, he'll probably be flattered

I agree 100% with you Cruddles. I want to slap myself. I'm not normally like this.

I reckon he cant do anything about it because he is attached.. guys find a way when they want to.
Is he not on tinder? Happn?

Well if he went red in front of you then don’t you think this may mean he fancies you?

Ok, I just had a brief look stalk on his instagram. No woman from what I can see. In fact he looks permanently single. There is a picture in his tagged photos with him and his female cousin and she has written something like 'my older cousin he is single', this was a few years ago. Is there actually something wrong with him?! I hope not.
All his colleagues are either married or in long term relationships so it's not like he exists in an environment where it's better to be single.
I AM giving him my number next time I'm there. I need to get this out of my system.

yay defo do it!

He is maybe very shy hence the cousin writing ‘he is single’ beside his pic, his crippling shyness is why you need to ask him out this instant!

I asked out a guy recently. Was shitting it. But I did it anyway, and it's one of the best things I've ever done

We sometimes have to ask men out, it’s not fair to always let them ask us and men are just as afraid, if not more, of asking us out as we are them!

You missed an opportunity to just pop in to make another appointment!

Can you not ask the person who you gave the appointment with if the guy us single and if they can pass on a card from you?

Put a note & your number in the card.

Yeah ask someone else if he is single, and then you can decide once and for all.

In ye good old days, women used to drop hankies, men would take the hint and use it as an excuse to talk to them.
He has, effectively, dropped a hankie in using the wrong name in emailing you. You have an excuse to pretend berate so he makes amends talk to him. Do it!
Good luck.

I've considered asking his boss who my appointment is with. I also start to go a bit doolally during these appointments (I start to feel a bit drunk) so I could wait for that to happen and then ask. I could probably dig a bit.
I am 50/50 on whether his boss may suspect anyway. A little while back I had an appointment and I went up to book in and (this is so cheesy, I can't believe I'm writing it) I made eye contact and completely lost my train of thought. I do not know what I was saying to this day, I hope it was somewhat coherent and not just words. This went on for a while and his boss came over to talk to me about my appointment and stood there for ages. In the end he had to interrupt . Then I finally went to sit and wait (thank christ I was the only person there, I was mortified) and 'the guy' forgot where the light switch was and proceeded to tell me he couldn't remember where it was . I'm glad I've got that off my chest, it doesn't sound so bad written down but believe me it was.
I was still with ex husband at the time though and made it clear to the boss that I was married as I suspected he sensed something.

So you and the guy sort of forgot yourself? If so then to me this is a ‘sign’.

I used to be like this with a guy I fancied and eventually went out with, I would lose all train of thought when I saw him and I would be in the middle of a sentence and then I would forget wtf I was talking about!

Stop overthinking and just crack on with asking him out op

It’s a tattoo shop isn’t it?

GET ON WITH IT !.

The overthinking is poison, making you invest too much emotionally in someone you don’t know anything about. You won’t know whether you’ll be a good match unless you go out with him, which can only happen if you ask. He might be the love of your life, or he might annoy you constantly within 10 minutes of starting to drink your coffee. You won’t know until you ask.

Unless you want to spend the next five years wishing you could rip off his shirt without ever having the opportunity?