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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

How to ask out a practical stranger? Bad idea?

78 replies

JukeboxRomeo · 20/12/2019 21:18

I have namechanged for this. I'm almost mortified about posting it and I don't know if this is even the right place.
Basically, in a nutshell, how on earth do you know if a guy likes you and how do you ask them out? Without causing extreme embarrassment if it goes tits up.
Back story goes there is a place that I frequent (not hugely often but have been there twice in the last two months) where said guy works on the front desk. I fancy the pants of him. I can't really explain why, I wouldn't say he is particularly attractive but there is just something about him that is driving me mad. I have this mad inkling he might feel the same (I could be wrong, hence the not making a fool of myself bit) and I am aware that I don't really know him but there is just this really strong tension that I have never felt before whenever I am in his presence. I nearly give him a christmas card with my number in last week but chickened out at the last minute. I'm kind of kicking myself.
So how do I go about this? Is it a stupid idea to persue this in the first place? Has anyone here ever asked out a semi stranger? Did it go well? I would really like to be able to visit this business again so I'm wary of it going wrong. Very wrong, but something in my gut is telling me to do something. I think I'll regret it if I don't.

OP posts:
FestiveFavourites · 20/12/2019 21:25

It's not Christmas yet, get down there with that Christmas card with your number in it - put a message saying 'fancy meeting for a drink after Christmas? Call me' and see what happens. Nothing ventured nothing gained.

Is there anyway you can find out if he's single first though? Because if he's got a partner and a couple of kids then it would be a very bad idea.

Original poster
JukeboxRomeo · 20/12/2019 21:32

Ahh jeez, I was semi hoping the responses would be along the lines of 'your being ridiculous, you don't know this guy, let it go'.
From my facebook/instagram stalking I don't think he has children or a girlfriend, however I do have children and an ex husband (seperated not yet divorced) so I'm wary of the fact I might not be what he is looking for. I believe he is in his later 20's as am I.

OP posts:
CrotchetyQuaver · 20/12/2019 21:36

The only time I've ever done this because I had this overwhelming feeling I should (which had never ever happened before) - he turned out to be the love of my life, I kid you not. He died recently, so I'm glad I piped up and said something at the time because it's too late now. Go for it, the worst that can happen is he says no.

SpoonBlender · 20/12/2019 21:43

Do the card. Do it. What's the worst that could happen? Mild embarassment next time you see him. What's the best? An amazing future. Weigh those up against each other!

dudsville · 20/12/2019 21:48

And then please come back and let us know!

INeedNewShoes · 20/12/2019 21:52

There's a guy who I've thought similar about at my local garage! Luckily I've chatted to him enough to know that he is happily settled with wife and kids so I didn't give him my number. Had I thought he was available I probably would have given it a go. Nothing ventured...

Thelnebriati · 20/12/2019 21:59

You say 'would you like to go for a coffee sometime? And if he says yes you offer him your phone number which you have written down. And you say 'call me and let me know when you're free'. And then you give him a frozen rictus nonchalant smile and run round the corner and hide in a cupboard Grin

Sunshine1235 · 20/12/2019 22:04

Write the card, go and chat to him and ask his Christmas plans - that way you get a clue if he’s single. Then if he is give him the card. What have you got to lose?

Original poster
JukeboxRomeo · 20/12/2019 22:14

I'm going to have to do it now aren't I? Grin
I'm terrified at the thought of it.
I do think the business is closed until after Christmas now though and it's not really somewhere you can just pop in. Can you buy happy new year cards?! Thelnebriati hiding in a cupboard with gin will be the accurate representation of what I will be doing when I pluck up the courage to do it.

OP posts:
waterSpider · 20/12/2019 22:28

Think the worst that can happen if he'll feel very flattered, even if he didn't want to proceed.

Yes one strategy would be a 'seasonal greetings' card with number, or maybe email.

You could try some English self-deprecation (Hugh Grant style), as it sounds like it may fit you? "I may just be embarrassing myself, if so I'm sorry, but I wonder if we'd get on if we went for a drink? Now I'm just going to leave my number on this card, and run away. Do call or text your reaction! Sorry".

Divebar · 20/12/2019 22:36

I was at a military event working as a police officer.... I was stood next to an officer from a Cavalry regiment who I really liked ( must be the sword and knee boots). I sent him a note to his barracks with my number. He called me and we went out! Nothing ventured nothing gained.

ISmellBabies · 20/12/2019 22:37

Give him the card, that's perfect. If he's free and interested he contacts you, if he's not he doesn't but you've made his day and no harm done. Do it.

MaidofKent78 · 20/12/2019 22:39

I did it once with a guy I met through work. Asked him out for a drink which was nice but neither of us felt "it".

Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Original poster
JukeboxRomeo · 20/12/2019 22:45

I am going to do it, I think I knew that before I even posted.
I just have a gut instinct that I need to, it's been there since April and I can't shift it. I'm trying to work out how and what do I do if it goes wrong. I really like this business and have been going there since before this guy started working there so don't want to make a big mess here.
I like the self depricating idea. What I ideally want is a way of doing it so that if it's a rejection he can text it to me rather than saying it publicly and me wanting the ground to swallow me whole.
He is also one of the most awkward/nervous people I've ever come across so I want to do it in a way that makes him as least awkward as possible.

OP posts:
Original poster
JukeboxRomeo · 20/12/2019 22:46

Also thank you for all these stories! They are giving me hope!

OP posts:
dramaqueenforlife · 20/12/2019 23:48

Do it. What have you got to lose? Never live with regret. What is the worst he can say. That he is with someone or no. At least you can then move on. I have some close male friends and back when they were single they loved being asked out by women. I asked out a man who I had seen a couple of times at his place of work once. Unfortunately he was married but hey wasn’t meant to be.

Charlottejbt · 21/12/2019 00:04

Definitely go for it! I had a similar situation once, and never dared to ask him out. It was never the right moment, and now it's too late. We certainly weren't soulmates or anything like that, but he was utterly gorgeous and it seems like such a waste not to have tried my luck. I googled him recently and found that he had died years ago - he was decades older than me and a smoker so not surprising really, but I was a bit gutted. Carpe diem and all that.

managedmis · 21/12/2019 00:10

Since Tuesday, a new guy at work has been sat next to me, new in my team. We've been introduced, chatted a bit etc. Yesterday was both our last day before Christmas : so we did the usual 'have a good break' , 'enjoy the rest: etc. I also said to him ' we should grab a coffee just the two of us in the New-year'. My intentions are honourable. I just want to get to know him a bit better. He immediately agreed and said yes of course.

This is anecdotal but this is how easy it is - just say that! He'll either say oh, I'm busy etc and you never need go in that shop again or it'll be the start of a beautiful thing.

DO IT!

burgerrings · 21/12/2019 02:32

My dh worked in the same building as me. Had barely said two words to him before. I emailed him Grin

babymomma123 · 21/12/2019 02:58

Love this thread please keep us all updated x

Pinkbonbon · 21/12/2019 03:19

Defo go for it! :)
Could be meant to be!

On a warning note though: Just be careful he isn't a narcissist or something similar as there is often this...extreme, electric chemistry in the beginning with them. Know your red flags and set good boundaries for yourself going into things and it'll be fine though.

You gotta take chances in this life from time to time :)

Original poster
JukeboxRomeo · 21/12/2019 08:36

Thank you everyone. I'm going to do it but it will have to be after Christmas as they have now closed. Should have done it last week. There was a perfect opportunity as well and I just stood there like a lemon. I'm really kicking myself.
I know I will regret it more if I don't do it whatever the outcome maybe. Even if it turns out I've misread all the signs and actually he just thinks I'm a weirdo I would rather know so I can put it in the past.

OP posts:
Yamaya · 03/01/2020 19:13

So... Did you do it OP?

WTF0ver · 03/01/2020 22:43

Years ago I used to fancy the pants off a guy who worked in a clothing store in town. I'd go in there every weekend to catch a glimpse of him. He was rather pretty. Eventually, after some encouragement from a friend I nervously went up to the desk and handed him a piece of paper with my number on it then left.

Didn't hear anything. The next time I saw him he was in the shopping centre with a woman. So, it didn't work out for me but might for you if you took the chance!

Chochito · 03/01/2020 22:45

Yesterday someone asked me out like this and while I hadn't realised I liked them or that they liked me (beyond enjoying conversation) it was very flattering and they're certainly very attractive. And we did go out, and has a nice time.