I am SO CROSS right now

[MrsBobBlackadder]

I’m so tired of being married to a manchild.

We’re due to go away tomorrow to family for a week. I said to my husband earlier today that I would ring our pet sitting (well, pet visiting) company just to double check the arrangements that he had made a month or two (at his suggestion) ago. All good.

As it happened i got dragged into various meetings at work and couldn’t call them, so I asked him to which he (begrudgingly) did. I heard nothing back so called him just now; apparently there has been a problem - they had no record of our booking (ie he fucked it up) and they actually now cannot visit our animals on either Christmas or Boxing Day.

I am absolutely livid with him and am so pissed off that he has put us in this situation. His line is that our animals (cats) will be fine; but it’s me that will end up having to provide instructions for the pet sitters on Christmas Eve so that our animals are fed and happy. There’s no way that I can leave them so long - I’m going to have to drive back on Boxing Day morning now to check they’re okay (assuming he’s actually managed to put me on the car insurance like he said he would - I doubt it). He just says ‘oh they’ll be fine’ and tells me that I’m basically ridiculous for ‘worrying so much’.

I hate him so much right now. Wtf would have happened if I hadn’t asked him to call them?! He’s trying to call me but I am so angry. This is just the latest in a long line of things he’s ‘forgotten’ to do. And he’s just said that I’m being an arse 🤬

Sorry, this isn’t really a question, more a vent 😩

Thank you all. So much to think about here.

We do have a timed feeder. But again it will be down to me to provide written instructions for the pet sitters to fill said feeder on Christmas Eve - it just feels like yet another chunk of mental load that's down to me. If I'd known earlier that this would happen, I'd have booked them into a cattery.

In answer to a previous poster: yes this is just the latest in a long line of ways that I think he's let me down after saying he'll sort something. This one has hit home though because I can't bear to think what would have happened if my cats had been left alone for six days.

It was a similar sort of scenario which made me call time on my relationship with a man child.

We had had our kittens neutered (kittens which he desperately wanted) on a day when I had an existing commitment in the evening. You're not supposed to leave spayed kittens alone but I wasn't worried because he was going to be in.

As I was about to leave, I came into the living room to say goodbye to hear him on the phone making arrangements to go to a gig with a mate.

That was the end of our relationship because it made me realise that the only person/living thing he really cared about was himself.

I honestly would re-evaluate your relationship OP. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with a man who doesn't care if your cats starve?

Food for thought @Clymene. I would 100% give up my husband before my cats.

'He said that was different because he got paid there'

Wow, what a bellend.

It's not ideal, but you could chuck the cats loads of food and water and they'd be ok.

Seriously tho, not much is keeping you with this man against your will. How's the housing situation/finances etc? You could call it quits and just live with someone you can rely on (you) or if you want, find a partner who isn't an inconsiderate fucktard.

No way I'd be leaving my dog... Tell him to GO alone ...

Is he an actual moron?

I have a cat, there is no way she would be okay on her own for two days without company. I’m going away for xmas, my usual sitter doesn’t cover the xmas period so I’m taking the cat with me.

I would definitely stay at home with the cats. Is this something you would consider OP?

God what a depressing existence

@Tooner I would love to stay at home. But then I will get accused of ruining Christmas

Except he ruined it by not ensuring that the smallest furriest family members were going to have food & water.

Oh dear. What a terrible thing. "You ruined Christmas"

How about he ruined Christmas and your relationship? What's so great about him that he's worth the disrespect, the fact he doesn't give a shit about the cats, the fact he basically considers you staff?

You don't even have kids with this tool ?

What the fuck are you doing with your life.

Got to agree with @Tooner

That is annoying and I would be pissed off BUT as a fellow cat owner, your cats will be fine. Just leave out extra food. Ours are hardy Toms but we leave the shed open and food timer bowls and their cat beds in there for ours for anything less than a week, they’re always fine.

Sorry meant @AnyFucker

So he's training you. He's allowed to abdicate responsibility and if you get stressed when you discover the mess he's made, you're the bad guy. But you must be at all times responsible and do the things you've said you will or... you're the bad guy. You've ruined Christmas even though he's the one that's content to starve the cats. Heads he wins, tails you lose.

He's a prick and you know it. I hope you do choose the cats. Permanently.

No MrsBob. You haven't ruined Christmas, your husband has done that by not sorting out the cats care when you asked him to and depended on him doing so. I wouldn't feel at all guilty saying I'm staying at home with the cats. He messed up so he can go alone.

He'd have left your cats to starve to death, and he isn't absolutely mortified/ upset?!
If it was me that fucked up i'd be absolutely heartbroken, and so grateful that my partner had realised.
I wouldn't go to his family for Christmas, and I'd use the few days alone to evaluate if you want to spent the rest of your life mothering your husband.

Part of the issue is that he's very quick thinking during arguments/discussions () and twists things, leaving me confused. So he's back now and is very apologetic about the cat sitter booking, saying that he would never have left them with no one visiting.

Thing is, that is EXACTLY what he did do. If I point that out right now, he'll say I didn't give him a chance to resolve the situation and that he would have definitely contacted them If I hadn't reminded him. Which, of course, I can't prove (even though I KNOW it wouldn't have happened).

I also know this whole situation is fucked.

There's a name for that - gaslighting.

You know what? I'd tell him that you're staying with the cats and he can bugger off to his relatives and get their presents etc. I used to leave my cats for a few days with lots of food and water but I knew they'd be left so prepared for it.

It's the same when I leave my dog for 6 hours the odd time that I'm away and before the kids get home from school. I prepare for it by giving him a huge walk the evening before etc.

@Tooner I would love to stay at home. But then I will get accused of ruining Christmas

But @MrsBobBlackadder you wouldn't be ruining Christmas, he would because he can't make simple arrangements

How about another perspective. They are cats. They will survive perfectly happily without you. Let them out and forget them.
Cats are not kids. Not having kids, doesnt mean, you put the same emotional energy into some other random object (cat).
You chose Op to waste the emotional energy. Your DP rightly doesn't see cat sitting as a priority.