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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I am SO CROSS right now

130 replies

MrsBobBlackadder · 20/12/2019 17:56

I’m so tired of being married to a manchild.

We’re due to go away tomorrow to family for a week. I said to my husband earlier today that I would ring our pet sitting (well, pet visiting) company just to double check the arrangements that he had made a month or two (at his suggestion) ago. All good.

As it happened i got dragged into various meetings at work and couldn’t call them, so I asked him to which he (begrudgingly) did. I heard nothing back so called him just now; apparently there has been a problem - they had no record of our booking (ie he fucked it up) and they actually now cannot visit our animals on either Christmas or Boxing Day.

I am absolutely livid with him and am so pissed off that he has put us in this situation. His line is that our animals (cats) will be fine; but it’s me that will end up having to provide instructions for the pet sitters on Christmas Eve so that our animals are fed and happy. There’s no way that I can leave them so long - I’m going to have to drive back on Boxing Day morning now to check they’re okay (assuming he’s actually managed to put me on the car insurance like he said he would - I doubt it). He just says ‘oh they’ll be fine’ and tells me that I’m basically ridiculous for ‘worrying so much’.

I hate him so much right now. Wtf would have happened if I hadn’t asked him to call them?! He’s trying to call me but I am so angry. This is just the latest in a long line of things he’s ‘forgotten’ to do. And he’s just said that I’m being an arse 🤬

Sorry, this isn’t really a question, more a vent 😩

OP posts:
MashedSpud · 20/12/2019 18:26

Do you have kids with this idiot? He’s not very reliable.

Awrite · 20/12/2019 18:27

I can't stand ineptitude.

In this case, it's learned ineptitude.

If it were his family you are visiting, I'd consider not going at all.

Taddda · 20/12/2019 18:29

Okay, given the whole picture he does sound like a bit of a dick..I didn't like the 'yeah but I get paid there' comment at all....

slipperywhensparticus · 20/12/2019 18:30

Yeah so I wouldn't be going with him

Original poster
MrsBobBlackadder · 20/12/2019 18:31

No kids involved fortunately. My cats are my family which is why I'm so upset about this I think.... it upsets me to think that he didn't bother to check that they would be visited over the next six days until I nagged (hate that word) him to.

It is his family we're due to go to tomorrow. I want to stay here 😢

OP posts:
BetweenTheMoon · 20/12/2019 18:32

I would 100% be staying at home. I'd love the excuse to stay home and not go to someone else's family for that long though!

JoyceDivision · 20/12/2019 18:32

Stay home, 'cause, you know, you don't get paid to do this visiting thing....

category12 · 20/12/2019 18:32

Don't go then.

Just stay home. He's got no respect for you and it's more than time to take a stand.

Let him feel some consequences for once - he fucked up, so he goes on his own.

WireBrushAndDettolMaam · 20/12/2019 18:33

Stay home OP. He can see his family by himself.

sanmiguel · 20/12/2019 18:33

Frankly I would stay home, unless he agreed to do the drive back to check on the pets. Or fuck that, I'd stay home anyway. Have you got anyone else to see Christmas Day?

category12 · 20/12/2019 18:33

And take some time to think about why the fuck you're with someone like this.

WireBrushAndDettolMaam · 20/12/2019 18:34

Stay home, 'cause, you know, you don't get paid to do this visiting thing....

Yes!! Use his own argument for anything you don’t want to do for him. “I don’t get paid for it so why would I?”

Strongmummy · 20/12/2019 18:34

Your cats WILL be fine, but it isn’t about the cats. I’m guessing this is a long line of similar incidents where he’s been shit. He’s disrespecting you. Tell him to fuck off to the spare room until he grows up

TheReef · 20/12/2019 18:35

Stay home, 'cause, you know, you don't get paid to do this visiting thing....

Yes this

AllYouGoodGoodPeople · 20/12/2019 18:38

Stay home, 'cause, you know, you don't get paid to do this visiting thing....

Oh yes.

tomatoesandstew · 20/12/2019 18:43

This is all a pretty rubbish and i empathise hugely having been in similar situations myself.

It also sounds like fundamentally you are both stuck in a mother child relationship which has a tendency for the dynamic to increase with time rather than decrease.

If you want the relationship to improve and you both move out of these roles counselling may help ( in a way that berating the uselessness of your manchild doesn't).

Or if you think this is a sign of his permanent uselessness and you don't wan't to spend another year as a martyr mother then you know what to do in the new year...

ferrier · 20/12/2019 18:43

The cats would not have been fine, but for op's stepping in to manage the situation which should have been under the dp's control.

I'd go late on Christmas Eve and come back early Boxing Day. No way I'd leave my cats for six days without company.

frazzledasarock · 20/12/2019 18:44

I really would stay home. Rather the cats were well cared for than schlep down to his family whilst having packed and remembered all the gifts.

Did you pack and buy and wrap all the gifts?

I’d go home unpack and shrug ah well off you go on your own as I’m not insured on the car and I will not treat my cats cruelly by starving them.

Clymene · 20/12/2019 18:46

Either don't go at all or come home on Boxing Day and stay home. He can't be bothered with you and the things you love so don't bother with him.

Clymene · 20/12/2019 18:47

Cats won't be fine if you leave them a week without food FFS Angry

CloseEncountersOfTheTerfKind · 20/12/2019 18:47

Why does he have so little care, kindness and respect for you? Would you treat someone you loved like this? I doubt it, so why do you think it's acceptable for him to do it for you?

I absolutely would be staying home and I would also be ending the relationship, not just because of two days of cat feeding, but as it's part of the bigger picture. He just doesn't respect you enough to make the smallest of effort and he doesn't give a shit about making your life harder.

Fuck that shit. Seriously. You deserve better, and you sound like you know it.

CloseEncountersOfTheTerfKind · 20/12/2019 18:49

And yes, spending time with a man who doesn't even seem to like you very much, versus spending time with cats? No contest.

Silencedwitness · 20/12/2019 18:51

What a dick! Have you got any friends locally who could pop in? Or a shout out on a local Facebook page. Or even a timed feeder. I’d be really cross to. Especially as it shows a distinct lack or care.

violetbunny · 20/12/2019 18:51

I would 100% rather spend the holidays with my two lovely cats than an asshole like him.

Beamur · 20/12/2019 18:53

I would be furious.
Cats would really not be ok without food and water for 5 days. In fact, they might be dead or at least suffering from renal failure, dehydration and severe hunger.
I would stay at home and not go with him.
Don't have children with this fuckwit. It will drive you insane.

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