Dating thread 177. Drinking Prosecco on our own trying to arrange a christmas snog

[Marlboroandmalbec34]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@NoMoreWeepingAndWanking you sound so much more positive which is great to read. I should follow your lead and sack the apps off til January! Nice that you can look forward to some fun with Mr Pilates in January.

I totally get what you mean about ex introducing the DC to the OW. It's no surprise you feel this way, they're a pair of arseholes who broke up the family and you want to protect your DC. I don't know if this helps or not, my situation is different as there never was an OW. But I've got no control over what stbxh does with regards to stuff like this so I refuse to let it bother me. As long as my DC are safe when they're with him that's all I care about. He was abusive and would love to think of these kind of things bothering me, but I refuse to give him the satisfaction so if he meets someone in the future I will enjoy making him realise that IDGAF really. He will HATE that.

You already know as do we that you're a million times better as a parent than he is. Maybe adopt the approach of treating it as a game (I do this)- you can't control what he does but you CAN control your responses and think 'how do I win this situation?' Constantly maintain the upper hand by keeping your dignity, showing you are the one with class. Even if it's bloody infuriating to do I think you will feel satisfaction at doing this. You're so much better than him 💐

Oh I'm still fucking wobbly believe me. But I'm trying to take care of myself. It's I initially hard to let go of the apps etc because they give you do much distraction abd that vague sense of hope (Not too mention little hits of dopamine wgen you match etc) and it's hard to give those up but I'm actively seeking replacements and it feels like a healthy choice. Focusing on the real world.

An d God knows there's enough to desk with in the real world.

I'm bein g the bigger person. I always am. I hate that sometimes people then think they can walk all over you but I am working on clear boundaries and making them more visible and god knows you know when you push too hard against my absolute boundaries. I'm a little embarrassed of the scene I made but actually it's probably good for him to realise that i can be pushed too far. He'd do well to remember that. I have the means to cause him enormous problems if the mood struck me.

Ack. Apologies for typos. My phone hates me. I know the right 'to' to use - honestly!

I was actually so annoyed at my mistakes I've downloaded a new keyboard for my phone to see if it improves things!

So far so good. I could do with being more quickly comprehensible rather than constantly going back to correct everything I've just written! 😃

Having said no OLD over Christmas, I've been chatting to two new irons. There was a third but he referred to himself in the third person and mentioned sex in a sideways but unignorable way too early on for my tastes.

MrRelativelyLocal - seems nice, doesn't chat much but that's not necessarily a bad thing, I'm looking for a date not a pen pal. And MrSmart, who lives about an hour and a half away, is clearly intelligent, has very appealing photos and seems calm and respectful (possibly too much so given my slightly impulsive nature). So I now have two dates lined up for Christmas week and I feel a little uncomfortable with multi dating when the irons seem so nice. It's the right thing to do though, right?

I'm still chatting to an old iron but there's no future there except as friends which is ok and for the best as although I liked him, we wouldn't have been a good match longer term. I have also accepted that the brief romance I had back in Sept is now dead in the water.

My gyroscopic swiping earlier in the year has taught me some useful lessons and helped me work out what and who I'm looking for. I feel positive about the new year, getting my divorce done and moving on with my life.

Hello everyone, I have an update but I wanted to read all of yours first which took me most of yesterday evening and an hour or so this morning!

@midthirtiesandsingle AMAZING I’ve got the warm fuzzies, love it!

@NoMoreWeepingAndWanking I understand. I’m years down the line from you and still find it hard when my children are with OW. The first time my son met her he was 10 months old. I gave the clothes he was wearing that day to charity as I couldn’t bear that she’d touched them. It gets easier, as with everything.

@shitwithsugaron your issue with your mum sounds familiar.. mine does similar and ‘doesn’t talk to me’ if she doesn’t approve of something I’m doing. It hurts. Aside from that I’m so glad you’re getting counselling. It’s a long journey but you’ll feel so much better.

My update, I had an unexpected child free day yesterday and rearranged my date with mr stood me up. Four hours, lots of laughs and the most lovely snog in the car park! That’s all I wanted, a Christmas snog, I’m happy now!

gingham that’s lovely, let’s hear it again for car park snogging!

It reminded me of when I first met Mr Mad. Didn’t make it to a car park, snogged for 15 minutes at a bus stop. He drove home, I got on the bus and sent the first text because I had something I had to say: ‘I could have kissed you all night, I want to kiss you all night’. Then fell asleep, missed my stop and has a half hour walk home eating a kebab. Best night ever!

Sigh. I am the old aunt in the corner, drinking Baileys and reminiscing

@shitwithsugaron no, you won’t. You’ll meet someone better. You can do it and you’re worth it you’re being super strong.

@TigerDater i was thinking of you all when I drove away! Yay for car park snogs! It was so lovely. And that does sound like a good night! Did you see him again for more?

@shitwithsugaron

You will.

I'm thinking that about my ex, who dispite flaws I loved, and still love. And no, someone else won't be him, but they may give me what I need in a way he couldn't

So I have a lunch date with Mr Gray today, and I'm shitting myself. We have chatted online a lot, hoping there is a spark in real life

Either way, I'm backing off Pof, if this doesn't go anywhere I need to have a pause over Xmas and get through to January before I think again

Thinking of you shitwith. And you are young with everything ahead of you - there won't be another Mr B, but there'll be someone else who makes you happy

shitwith your grammar is perfect, as I’m sure are you. Breaking up is horrible, at Christmas doubly so, but you are strong and brave and you will get through.

gingham yes we’ve seen each other fairly often ever since early 2018. He’s flawed but lovely and kind, a good friend and a bloody fantastic lover.

Think I nd of you @shitwithsugaron. You won't ever meet anyone like him again but he obviously isn't right for you so that's not a bad thing. It's really hard letting someone go when you love them...I did it with my exh. I knew that holding on to something that was never going to be what I wanted or needed would be even harder though.

Mr Ad is meeting my kids in a couple of hours -eek!
We had a few words last night (great timing) because we were talking on the phone and he saw someone he knew on their way to an AA meeting and he needed help so Mr Ad just cut me off. I was in the middle of telling him about something that had happened that day that had stressed me out a bit and he just said "I'll call you later" and hung up.

I spent years in a marriage where I couldn't say how I felt because he would sulk or not listen to me so I told Mr Ad I'm not doing that again. He upset me and I told him.

He apologised and things are ok now, luckily!

Wish me luck!

@shitwithsugaron there WILL be someone else. Take really good care of yourself 💐

sunshine you have beautiful boundaries, well done! And good luck to all with the meeting, I bet Mr Ad is nervous

wanderinglost good luck to you too

@Ginghampanther yeah for car park snogging !

I think I’ll see mr gray next week now as he swapped a shift and a kid day (not for me just worked out that way) . So we are both free the Friday night now. He’s coming to mine and staying which is a big deal to me 😬

@shitwithsugaron. There may be couples everywhere but you can never know what’s going on they could look happy but be all kinds going on. I’d rather be happy alone

Aw @shitwithsugaron sending and later on And respect to you for paying attention to your grammar at a difficult time! (SO much dreadful literacy on the apps). That clearly says to me you are one in a million and worthy of a wonderful man

@cheerup I'd say yes to multiple dating if I could actually find multiples that I click with, but I always like to hedge my bets because I don't trust anyone and my self esteem is vulnerable to rejection after a bloody long and loveless marriage, but I think you need to find what works for you. Hope your Christmas dates go well!

@Tigerdater and @Ginghampanther ...that spontaneous snogging sounds awesome. The only person I had that with was unfortunately a really bad match for me in every other respect and didn't like him . I am just not meeting people I fancy. Am in two minds whether to text MrBeard and mention I will be in town today and then if he wants to meet me before he buggers off again for work until Christmas Day he can suggest it and if not I'll move on. He could be 4ft tall with a squeaky voice anyway (which is what I will tell myself if he disappears)

@WanderingLost167 good luck with Mr Gray today

Ooh and @Sunshineandflipflops good luck with today xxx Let us know how it goes

Ladies how long do you chat before being asked out? I've been chatting for 2 days to a new iron and I don't want it to turn into a whole penpal saga. It is near xmas though and most people are busy

Good luck today @shitwithsugaron hope it goes as well as it can do.