Dating thread 177. Drinking Prosecco on our own trying to arrange a christmas snog

[Marlboroandmalbec34]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Grrrr!
So I had the kids last NYE. The one before that, I had just discovered my husbands affair and my marriage had ended, I had an awful virus and that same day had fainted in a fast food restaurant and knocked myself out on the floor (couldn't make it up). I had the kids then too and think I was in bed by 10.

Anyway, only fair that this year the ex has them, which he is but he's messaging me saying how crap he feels (we both have colds) and because the kids can't agree about what to do on NYE, he might just do nothing and go to bed because he can't be bothered to mediate.

They are 12 and 13 ffs, they are supposed to be a little awkward. He's having a right pity party at the moment but I'm not attending as I've had two years of hell and am finally moving forward 🤬

@shitwithsugaron Do what you need to do but I wouldn't give him the present. I'd actually let it go to waste rather than that but I'm sure someone else could use it or you could ebay it.

Ah @shitwithsugaron you are not boring anyone, I am full of admiration for how you have coped with a Christmas break up. And if you want to gave an idle swipe on the apps, no harm done. I unpaused mine today and saw MrMedia1 again ... he has updated his profile and I would totally go for him, and had to remind myself we went on a date and I was totally unimpressed IRL ... (it was his randomly spaced teeth and high pitched voice. He has his mouth shut in all his photos, wisely. Also oddly pale skin like a vampire). But if his is the best profile today and he did not live up to it WTF will the others be like?

@EchoElephant and @Dancerinthemoonlight hope your irons get their acts together today on the messaging front. It is easy to make excuses for why people have not messaged (and i am a patchy messenger myself) but given you are in actual exclusive relationships they should be treating you better

@unambiguousbeard here are some from me. And @TigerDater how are you? How was Christmas with your DC? Your post about DD moving out made me confront why I am on the apps when am so ambiguous about the whole thing. And I actually know if my kids were younger and I weren't facing the prospect of an empty nest in 2 years I wouldn't be bothering. I'm busy and happy and don't need to seek people out, but am terrified of one day living alone as I never, ever have. This is not a good reason to date is it?

On that subject matched with a very tall man this morning and told him I was 5'1" therefore possibly too short for him and he replied 'that's ok I like younger women'. So I sent a emoji back and he went 'Sorry I mean I like petite women'. Even my phone autocorrect couldn't cock that up. Freudian slip, much? (And I'm only 5 years younger so???)

@Sunshineandflipflops I'm sorry but the thought of a sober rave would fill me with horror! Though maybe that says more about my sober dancing than the event concept

MrMedia2 is still messaging. God I wish I fancied him more, he is so easy to get on with...

And yeh @shitwithsugaron I think I would Ebay that present, though up to you.

@Sunshineandflipflops fuck that, he has a bloody cold not bubonic plague, doesn't stop him being a dad. Though would help you swerve the sober rave

@shitwithsugaron There’s never a ‘right time’ I think if you wait for that you wait forever. I was forced (heavily coerced) to join a dating agency about three weeks after leaving my ex, thought it would be mortifying/embarrassing (the interviews were!)and also far too early to meet someone else, but it meant I met MrNN so it was worth it.

@UtterSocks I kind of feel the same about the rave (I think it's just a disco really) but I feel like I should go if Mr Ad wants to as we don't have any other plans (I'd rather just stay in with a nice meal for two to be honest...never been much of a NYE fan).

He says he doesn't mind though so maybe I need to just say I'd rather not!

@shitwithsugaron I wouldn't give him the present. It's keeping things lingering when you know it's done. Send it back or sell it on eBay.

In my experience they always come back. Blocking Mr S has given me peace of mind it's all done and dusted and he can't just appear in my life and throw things out of balance again.

@UtterSocks Oh, I'm not offering to have the kids! Not that I actually mind and I'm sure Mr Ad wouldn't mind as he's met them now but it's the principle...I've had them the last two years while he's done whatever he wanted and while I've been a lot more ill than he is!

@SimonJT A dating agency? Sound a bit upmarket for this thread 😂

A dating agency reference always makes me think of Carry On Loving where Sid James and Hattie Jacques ran a dodgy "marriage bureau" 😂 (showing my age)

Ooh just spotted a man on Hinge whose opening line is "Message me if ... you're not a moron". Nice. Though conversely if you did message him
you would be one, so ....

Another says 'if you have a nice arse you're halfway there'. What's the other half, charmer? Tits? Minge? And halfway to what, a date with a crass sexist? Ugh. Am off to read a book! Have a great day, daters xxx Watch out for all the idiots out there

@Sunshineandflipflops It’s not!! There was no way I was going to use grindr or scruff.

@uttersocks it makes me think of the undateables 😂

Hmm a sober rave wouldn’t bother me, but I have absolutely no issue making a huge tit of myself, the key is to dance so badly that other people are embarrassed for you.

Will try catch up properly but this is my morning...

At work today. Work colleague keeps emailing/messaging on bumble. Telling me I look hot today and he really wants to kiss me and basically propositioning me for a kiss at lunchtime.

I'm 😡 not even 'why don't we go get lunch?'

How should I play it the rest of the afternoon? Ignore? I'm pissed off. Can't wait til he leaves now tbh.

Hey everyone just checking in. Christmas without the kids over. Phew. Hope everyone is good and looking forward to 2020

Xmas eve I went out and got drunk, was messaging Mr Big. Started throwing myself a pity party basically asking him why he didn’t want to be in a relationship with me and then sending him passive aggressive song lyrics. (Waaaah) Tbf he took it in good grace and commenced with normal messaging on Xmas day but for me that’s it. Over. He doesn’t want me and as cringy as my messages were to him. I suppose the sentiments were true. I’m done with him.

I’m not accepting less than I want and deserve. I have 3 warning irons and hopefully will have some dates in January 🤞

Block.

That was to @TheDevilsPedicure

Good call @PerfectPretender

I'm going to be a complete ice maiden this afternoon.

Yes block devils

I’m actually ok shitwith it’s been nearly a year and I have never been brave enough to ask why he doesn’t want me. His reason is things are very complicated with my ex which is true but that because my ex is a twat and my kids are tiny. I cannot change that so it’s pointless 🤷‍♀️

@Marlboroandmalbec34 you know hats just an excuse and not a genuine reason. Do you think the time has come to block him and move on. You still have feelings and I can't help feel you are holding yourself back by keeping in touch and sleeping with him. Nothing has changed for him except you have lowered your expectations.

@Marlboroandmalbec34 but you don't want him either. You just keep forgetting!

Well exciting times here, off for a long weekend with him ... could it be the real thing??? I think by next week I'll know if it's worth pursuing or just a fun phase

@shitwithsugaron are you able to send it back and get a refund?

@EchoElephant did you ignore his morning message?

So I asked MrIT (date tomorrow) what time and he said he had to double check train times. This was Christmas day. Nothing yesterday. So I thought, maybe he has changed his mind. So I sent a message today just saying "hi, are you still on for tomorrow" and he just messaged "yes". No time or anything. Not sure what to make of it really.

Yes notcool it’s time. I don’t know if I should tell him not to contact me or just fade him. Blocking seems harsh as he has given me great support through my divorce and court cases with the ex. I know it’s not the genuine reason but I prefer it to having to thinks it’s something about me that’s not good enough.

I know unambiguous and I really don’t think I do but it makes me feel crazy. My feelings towards him yo-yo so much. I need to be rid to find someone I do want who also wants me.