Dating thread 177. Drinking Prosecco on our own trying to arrange a christmas snog

[Marlboroandmalbec34]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@Menora. I thought you had been seeing me moving about the same time as I met my mr gray. He’s coming over tonight abs staying but only due to us both being child free and no work tomorrow. It just worked out that way but I wouldn’t expect time to be taken away from
Kids.

Can I get a bit of perspective? (Sorry, I'm always looking for advice but I'm not good at giving any).
Mr FO is staying with his family, including his grown up kids at the moment. I don't when he is returning, but I'm unlikely to see him until the new year.
He knows I'm on my own until Saturday.

Yesterday's messages: 'Merry Christmas', 'Thanks for the pressie' and 'I've been doing xyz today'. He didn't ask how I was or what I'd been doing.
Today I got 'Morning, hope you had a lovely day yesterday. I'm doing xyz today'. And then at lunchtime 'I'm out for lunch with my kids, catch up later'. Again didn't ask about me. And I expect I won't hear from him again today.

I get that he's busy with his family. But I can see he has been on and off WA and Fbook most of the day today and yesterday (I know! I shouldn't look).
Am I being needy to expect a bit more from him?
I don't know how to say "I feel like you've forgotten about me" without coming across as a bit pathetic.

I don’t really have a type , I’m not really attracted to very thin men or those shorter than me. I also generally prefer men around my own age. Other than that i don’t think I have any preference at all but obviously there is something that attracts me to people but I’m not sure what 🤷🏼‍♀️.

@EchoElephant are you messaging him questions he can answer and then say how about you etc ? If he’s with family he may not want to message. Do you normally speak on the phone ? Could you say give me a call if you have 5 mins ?

He just reacted ‘sure fine see you tomorrow’
No kiss no emoji 😂😂😂

I really hope he did not take them back early to try to get to see me. I had already told him my entire plans for both days - working Xmas eve, packing up driving to Dsis, back again Xmas night, swapping DD’s over with ex, packing with DD1, going back to Dsis to drop her off. Working tomorrow. I also have pets, laundry and all the normal house things to do - my house is a chaotic tip

@EchoElephant

I did find it hard yesterday when I was in a group of people to be on my phone and concentrating, so much going on and I was just trying to enjoy the moment. I think some families are very active, doing activities and socialising and some are very ‘sitting on the sofa watching TV’
If he’s the first type then it’s likely that he’s giving you courteous texts but trying not to get into a convo, because he’s just busy. I wouldn’t take it too personally

Oooh @Menora he's not happy is he!

people also tend to find less brain power and engagement is required to just browse through FB, whereas texting is an active convo and needs more energy. I know I can be like this

By not asking you anything and just giving you updates IME he is just not starting a convo, but trying to be polite by sending messages

Jane1978xx yesterday I asked about his day and what he'd been doing. He told me but didn't ask about me.
Today I haven't bothered, especially when he said he was going out for lunch and would catch up later (which he says a lot and usually means I don't hear from again that day)

I don't want to keep messaging him if he is busy with family. But if he's that busy why is on WA and fbook all the time? He was on WA til after midnight last night. But I didn't hear anything from him after 2pm.

this is a hard one as I think I am guilty of this Echo

I have a few group chats on the go and yesterday I was putting photos on them of the children for people who were not at my Dsis house to see. I also text with my DD a lot. I also read messages when they came in but didn’t reply to them all. I also FB and IG browse on the loo out of habit 😂

Menora thanks for that perspective. I'm hoping that he's just busy.
Like I said, I don't want to come across as needy but I just feel like he's not bothered about me.
And if he can be on WA at midnight then I'm sure he has some time to send a proper message.

I'd probably feel different if I was busy with my family, though. Hopefully it will feel better once life returns to normal

This time of year he may be messaging old friends and family etc or he may have just left it open. You are getting responses and he’s replying at times like meals out. And catch up later can be something people say like see you soon it’s doesn’t always mean that they actually will. Mr Gray is a wierd texter sometimes 20 long messages in a day and sometimes I don’t hear from him at all for 24 hours even if I ask a question 🤷🏼‍♀️ But that’s what it’s like and he always comes back in the end

devil your criteria list basically described MrY he's bloody stunning to look at, I get butterflies just thinking about his face. He's a bit Mr Shelby-esque but so much fun.
Simon can you safely use retainers as whitening trays?! I asked my dentist about this as my retainers still fit and she said no (probably thinking of £)
Re tweaks I'd also love a boob job but wouldn't dare go under the knife. Since I've lost weight I've definitely got a bit deflated but my style has improved no end so it's a compromise. I've recently invested in a bit of a skincare routine and it's making me feel a bit better!

I'd like to get my eyelashes tinted butt otherwise I'm ok with how I look. I lost almost 3 stone thanks to the stress from ex. Usually I'm a comfort eater but this was just beyond. At 5'4" this has made me a comfortable 10/12 which I'm much happier with and I don't look any older. I'm blessed with good skin and not too many Grey's. I think I look early 30s rather than nearly 37. Maybe that's why I keep going for men in their early 30s. Who knows? I have a saggy tummy from stretch marks and c sec which I'm very self conscious about. Ditto my slightly deflated boobs but I reckon once they've got you naked there realty not noticing that shit.

And Mr Pilates said the sexiest thing about me was me walking round the kitchen in my underwear because of my confidence. Thank god for good undies that make me feel good!

I actually feel fairly good about my appearance most of the time though I did find myself today having to stop myself asking for reassurances from my 7 year old son that I looked nice...

Mostly I think about that attracting what we're projecting thing and three fact that so many of three men I've matched with have had mental health issues. That can't just be coincidence. It's one of the main reasons I've stepped away. I want to attract strong, healthy men so I need to find a way to get myself to that place too. Is it just time?

I'm also happy with how I look and quite body confident. Mr BC has remarked on it - I kind if think if we're DTD then he must like what he sees so why wouldn't I feel confident! He is lovely and compliments me a lot - quite hard to get used to after exh who never did and was a master at very subtle negging!

And my type is very masculine, broad rugby player-type physique but no massive muscles. And I'm a complete sucker for that type (Mr BC) in a suit 😍

@KeepCalmCarryOhFuckIt are you the one who's stolen my FWB? 😂 he sounds lush!

@NoMoreWeepingAndWanking agree they just don't seem to care about all the things we worry about, FWB said I was actually the only girl he slept with who would walk around stark naked not trying to cover myself up and he found it really sexy. I reckon I spent far more time naked with him than with clothes on tbf.

Ok, I need to chill 😂
Being on my own for a week is not good for me.
When we're together Mr FO can't do enough for me. In between he seems to forget that I exist and I'm being extra sensitive to it because it's Christmas.

I’m off to meet mr gray for a drink before our ‘date night’ or I guess as part of the date night 🤷🏼‍♀️. Have a good evening everyone.

Oh god Devil I hope not he is lush though. Very intense eyes and fabulous bone structure.. Oh god I could go on. I think your fwb was 22 though?!

@KeepCalmCarryOhFuckIt my FWB was 22 yes 😂

Phew! MrY is a couple of years older.
P. S

Good memory! I've got over my fear of watching Gavin & Stacey, working my way through series 2 😂

So I've got a couple of irons on the go. Hopefully more to follow....

Ex has just dropped the kids off and had a face like thunder. Apparently they were bickering a lot and Dd was being moody and they didn’t want to spend much time with him.
He wasn’t happy when he realised that Mr Ad was at my parents when he picked them up from there yesterday (he stayed in the conservatory so he didn’t actually see him).

Says it’s been a shit couple of days all round.

I feel bad for him but then I also think back to Christmas 2 years ago when he told me he didn’t know if he loved me and to last year when he was spending it with the woman he had an affair with and how awful it was for me.

I should maybe be all bitter and feel like it serves him right but I just feel sad at the way things have turned out 😔

@Sunshineandflipflops it says a lot about you that you can still feel sorry for him.