Dating thread 177. Drinking Prosecco on our own trying to arrange a christmas snog

[Marlboroandmalbec34]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@shitwithsugaron it's not someone better- just someone that gives you those same feelings...

Oh god one minute in and I'm struggling 😩

My DD is home now and she’s ok. The matching thing was just rubbish. But I don’t think she’s scarred by it!

Devil - don’t go to the hotel. You aren’t 100% so don’t agree to it!

I hope you have all had good days. Mine has been manic. No relaxing! Mr Moving is of course sad and lonely telling me he misses me whilst I wade through 27 bags for life filled with crap, trying to sort the heating out, I’ve just done the 2 hour trip dropping DM off picking DD up and then got a really busy day tomorrow

I’m not sure if it’s okay to join in mid thread but christmas has made me realise I would genuinely love to be in a long-term relationship.

I’m a doctor & currently work a lot of night shifts so it’s so easy for me to not put in effort into being in a serious relationship.

I joined Hinge two days ago. There seems to be a lot of men in my area as I’ve had almost 200 messages/likes in those days. Going through them is a big of a slog & among those likes are some definitely duds which is frustrating.

I have a date tommorow. He’s 42 which is a rather large age gap but he seems sweet. No children & works as a barrister. I’ll call him Mr GQ.

Does anyone have any particular dating apps that are good?

Hope you are all having a very merry, merry Christmas.

@Menora I'm definitely not going to do the hotel.... I don't think I'm going to do anything with the work colleague.... it's just got disaster and regret written all over it

@Menora sorry to be blunt but you need to get shot of MrMoving he sounds like an absolute pain in the arse!
Don't get me wrong a bit of insecurity in the beginning isn't entirely unexpected, but he sounds like he's well into the red zone on the neediness scale! 🙄

@shitwithsugaron I get that feeling of thinking you won't meet someone better, maybe different is a better way to think

My very short liaison with an ex FWB really turned my head. His situation was too complicated but mentally and sexually he turned my head in a way no man has ever done before. I find it hard to believe I'll meet someone and have that connection again but maybe I'll meet someone different who will still turn my head and his positive advantages will outweigh any negative (for want of a better word) differences to that FWB.

The optimist in me also wants to believe ex FWB won't be the only man out there that I'll connect with like that.

the ever optimist is probably still a bit obsessed with him but I also think I liked him more than he liked me

Dawson creek don't discount tinder or bumble.

Fuck. G&S barely started and already crying. How does a sitcom last longer than my fucking marriage?

Actually I'm just regretting watching Gavin and Stacey anyway it's absolute shit 😩 they're ruining it!

The 'tidys' and 'where to's are not what I need to hear atm either 😩😂

@Menora how long in time have you known him ? Like a month ? Sad and lonely now what’s he going to be like going forward . It does seem like you are going to have to break his heart 🤦‍♀️.

I’m seeing mr gray tomorrow and he’s staying at mine. First time for that as we’ve always been to his , feels a bit weird having a new man in the house but I’m sure it will be fine 😬

Hello, hoping you all don't mind if I join, or at least get your views on something.

I am still married to my emotionally abusive husband and we have a 3 year old daughter together. I moved out 3 months ago. My plan is to file for divorce in the new year.

On a whim (and due to encouragement from a friend), I downloaded Bumble a few days ago. All I've got up at this point is a photo; I haven't done anything further to set up a profile.

What's the general view on OLD with an impending divorce? I'm a bit worried that my husband will find out and punish me somehow.

I'm also possibly not in the best headspace, but that's a different issue!

I’m not divorced . I hadn’t really expected to meet someone so quickly. My ex is on all the apps 😂 I’ve no idea who he’s meeting or anything.

@dellacucina personally I think your comment about not being in the right headspace is probably the thing to focus on.
OLD can be brutal on the emotions, you only need to read a few pages of the thread to see why, so you need to be in a pretty good place before you even start imo.
Answering your question though, many people start dating whilst separated rather than divorced so dont see an issue unless he's likely to state you've had an affair before the divorce is finalised should you meet someone.

dellacucina don't do it over Christmas. Its feckin miserable

Btw didnt even know that it could still be classed as an affair if you're separated (but not divorced) until somebody mentioned it a few pages ago.

It is classed as cheating if you are still married even living apart unless you have a legal separation document. But I don’t give a shit. The important thing to me is I don’t give up my time with my daughter to meet me and they aren’t here when she is

@Ant330 he's a really manipulative and unkind person so I would be surprised at nothing from him!

As far as being in the right headspace, my idea would be to just view it as fun - though perhaps I'm fooling myself.

@NoMoreWeepingAndWanking please know that you have my sympathy. My daughter vomits every time she is upset and it's absolutely the worst

Don't worry, I'm not going to look for dates tonight! Just thinking about whether I should bother creating a profile and going through the whole thing generally.

@Jane1978xx same! I actually am slightly concerned about whether I can even go around dating anyone when I literally only have every other weekend free.

@Jane1978xx I'm with you there- still technically married but I don't give a shit. It doesn't affect my kids- dates are always when they're asleep (or nearly asleep) and they've never met anyone, no one has been to the house whilst they're here. And FWB is actually the only person who knows where I live and who has been here.

My Dsis thinks I am over sensitive to this kind of thing from Mr Moving. She thinks I might be making it worse when I pull away but I am not sure I agree with her. I would have nothing to pull away from if it wasn’t clingy but even when I read her his texts she thinks he’s just being keen and nice, and that I have a real fear of anyone clingy so I interpret everything like this as possibly clingy

So I am going to ask you guys, my jury

So after his disappointment when I fell asleep about 10pm after he met my friends and DC (only briefly met them like to say hello) then I had told him I was Genuinely Very Busy and not able to message as much, I got this text

Well my xmas jumper is on ha ha . I'm taking mum for a drink and my brother down the road . I really hope you're ok I'm a bit worried about you as you dont seem yourself today. I think the world of you I think you're a beautiful and funny lady and I dont like the thought of you not being ok . I know I'm a soppy twat but hopefully I might be your soppy twat lol. After the xmas madness is over I would like to take us away somewhere maybe a nice hotel mini break where we could have a nice time . If youd like anyway . I hope you have some nice family time and everything is ok for you

WHY IS HE WORRIED ABOUT ME

Then I got one that said his Xmas meal had been a bit rubbish after I got a selfie, I also did reply to his texts saying happy Christmas hope you have a lovely day etc etc and that I was in a village with poor reception and lots of kids and family, then I have had to pack up and drive back and I got this one

i miss you alot xxx

Is this just nice? Am I just freaking out?

@Menora he sounds clingy, which would put me off (not that I'm necessarily a great judge of these things).

Any chance he was a bit drunk and out of sorts over Christmas? It can have an odd effect on people.

@Menora to me that text is just 🤮 sorry have to be blunt.

I mean for me being clingy is a complete turn off. I would be ditching if it were me.

You know what if my FWB had been all soppy like that I don't think I'd have fancied him. I can't deal with soppy.

There was the other lad I went on a few dates with who lived nearby, I was going to see him again just for sex but called it off when I started realising that casual isn't going to do me any good right now. He just seemed too soft, too soppy. He'd always send me pics with Snapchat filters all over them and it really irritated me 😂 I didn't reply to his last message but he messaged me again today with a Santa beard filter. 🤮 I'm clearly a miserable old cow 😂

evening all,
@Menora, that is really nauseating, and I would find it intrusive - my ex used to tell me how I was feeling or projected feelings on to me, this reminds me a little of that (not so extreme though).

I managed to get through the day with ex here, sat on his arse being waited on all day, and being sweetness and light to DD. He sat to eat and said 'well done' to me...
I kept my mouth shut all day, smiled and was gracious; I am glad it is over!
I am feeling heavy, stodgy and not very happy - I have eaten and drunk so much (my mouth was only shut in terms of talking to ex!!); my tummy is swollen out .
Next year, I want a Christmas cuddle - I miss being held.

@Menora he sounds nice/perhaps a bit infatuated but clearly by all your posts, you aren't into him at anywhere near the same way so maybe let him go and see whether you can meet someone who doesn't annoy you as much.

@dawsoncreek welcome to the madhouse and good luck on your date tomorrow

@dellacucina I wouldn't advise anyone whose head wasn't in the right spot to date. You attract what you project... Also I don't think iys fair for would be daters either.

@Menora i don't know how long you've been seeing mr moving or you were single but he strikes me as the type who is trying to create false intimacy and that's a massive red flag to me. Saying that it does sound a little like you are enjoying that attention?