Dating thread 177. Drinking Prosecco on our own trying to arrange a christmas snog

[Marlboroandmalbec34]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@TheDevilsPedicure its not wrong but it's also probably not healthy. While he may have been respectful about it all - the position you found yourself in with him and probably would again will chip away at your self esteem (it being unworkable between the 2 of you practically). The best option is to go our and wholeheartedly find some of what you had with him with someone that it could actually work with, and mentally it needs abandoning holding onto what you had with him....it'll happen. It just takes time

menora think you might need to ditch and run lovely

@supercali77 yeah it's very true. I'm actually doing ok with it, it's just been the past couple of days that I've been missing him again. Bloody Xmas. I've already decided if he were to ever get back in touch im not sleeping with him again unless he actually wanted more than FWB. And I'm focussing on moving on as I'm not expecting to hear from him except maybe at some point as a friend.

Funnily enough he's useful in a way- until I met him I was hung up over my neighbour and didn't think I could ever like someone as much and then I met FWB. In a way he's actually the proof that I will meet someone I really like.

Still swiping- seems like all the idiots were on tinder last night! 😂

@menora that level of neediness sounds claustrophobic and you're already looking forward to having a break from him! I'd cut loose tbh.

@Menora How long have you been seeing him and what is your agreed status? My iron would be delighted I'd made time for him and introduced him to my friends and kids!! I think you have gone out of your way to accommodate him and he's making you feel bad about it. Put yourself first. If he can't fit in with you tough. My iron didn't want to sleep together until we could spend the night together. I'm ok leaving my teens for the night (my DD is the same age as yours) though.

@Menora I'm irritated and exhausted just reading that! Hope your dd is better today. Which is in fact what he should have said..

thedevils a couple of threads ago someone was talking about a poem about friends. It was called something like “reason, season or lifetime” and was about how people come into your life when you need them. I have had lots of ups and downs this year with my FWB Mr Big but actually he has been very useful. When I started old I was crushed by my ex and desperately seeking validation. I so wanted to be loved and would have probably got myself into another abusive relationship just to have someone. Instead I met the most unavailable man ever and by liking him I didn’t jump into a relationship.
A year on I feel so much better about myself, have good boundaries now and feel ready to find what I actually need and want in 2020. Maybe your FWB was the same? A “reason” friend.

@Marlboroandmalbec34 that's a really good way of looking at it. I don't exactly what he would be though- I met him 6 months after a horrible separation and then after a grim time with the neighbour rejecting me.... I guess he made me realise I would be able to click with someone else. I don't know why he came back into my life in July though, I had just started seeing a really nice Italian guy- good looking, good job, nice, nearby. Then as soon as FWB got back in touch he was all I wanted.

I am actually alright about it, I do miss him but quite happily trying to move on. I've taken so many knocks I'm good at just getting on with things. I think the problem is the universe made him just so perfect (for me anyway) that I never wanted to let go. I'd have had him for a lifetime I think. At least I can say I actually had a lovely experience with him. I definitely needed that after the way men had treated me beforehand. And I'm not going to lie, a massive ego boost. A model looking 22 year old with a lush body liking me? I mean god knows why but I was happy with that one 😂

I'm a big believer in what's meant to be will be. So I'm looking forward to seeing what comes my way next...

@TheDevilsPedicure good I'm glad to hear it. Fwbs can be great confidence builders and amazing sex but feelings shouldn't be discounted. Christmas people return home and go on tinder a bit pissed I think. Caution goes to the wind

@supercali77 that's what's funny too, I thought he'd just be a bit of fun and I never thought I'd get feelings for him 😂

@marlboroandmalbec34 I agree totally about the reasons people come into your life. It sounds like all of us on here went through abusive marriages or shitty break ups and I underestimated completely how much mine had knocked me off track. The first man that came into my life post separation was a lovely, gentle, sweet man who blew my socks off in bed, listened to me rant, let me cry and built me back up. It was never going to last because I was so raw and he understood that. And we were vastly different people anyway. But he was exactly what I needed and I'll always be grateful to him. Sometimes the reason isn't clear until later down the line.

Ah @Menora he sounds like he is taking up more in mental energy and stress for you than he is giving you at the moment. Also sounds like he will be a jealous and controlling one down the line. Sorry last night was a hassle for you. I hope your DD feels better today and you have a lovely Christmas.

@marlboroandmalbec good to hear you sound so positive - here's to 2020! Though I am often of the same mindset as @unambiguousbeard and don't actually feel 'the one' is out there for me. Even pre-awful marriage, way before OLD, I alternated between the hot unfaithful ones and the ones that liked me more but were cloying/possessive. And in OLD it's the ones I like that start breadcrumbing/disappearing and the lonely, needy single dads with slightly sad faces that pursue me (or the players)

All but given up on Mr Beard, he sends one message a day and has not rearranged our date. Had a busy, hassled day yesterday and was chatting constantly with MrMedia2 (my second media iron) and we had such a laugh and everything in common, we are both addicted to the same weird niche TV shows and career wise and socially our paths must have crossed a lot in the past without us knowing, we have very similar people in common but ... I don't really fancy his photos. The one I swiped on was fit but a subsequent social media stalk showed someone decent looking but not my type. I am now hoping he would like to be my best friend instead as he is hilarious

Anyway, Christmas Eve stuff to do today so am leaving them all to it and if they aren't still around after Boxing Day I can always shag the newsagent I will look again in the New Year ... through agree with @TheDevilsPedicure there are only idiots on Tinder right now.

@shitwithsugaron and @NoMoreWeepingAndWanking sending to both of you today and wishing everyone here a lovely Christmas xxx

Ugh and can I just add if I see one more photo of a middle aged ugly man poking his tongue out at the camera I am off the apps altogether... it actually makes me retch with revulsion 🤮🤮🤮 WHY???

@shitwithsugaron my dd is gong to her dads for a few hours tomorrow. She doesn’t want to go and thinks I’m sending her away and I will be a mess then 😩

@Jane1978xx and @shitwithsugaron bloody selfish exes of yours. Of course they want some time with the DC at Xmas but surely it should be when is best for the DC 💐

I’ve got a banging headache Mr Moving text me this morning and said how are you, I said I have a bad headache.

His reply?
He hopes he didn’t cause it

Oh the irony and also the neediness in one text. Why would he relate my headache to himself?!!!

For all who need it Reason, Season or Lifetime

@ menora he sounds super clingy, and not fun. I would ditch now.

@menora. Aaarghgggg

He sounds like he's not doing it for you @menora. Is he a bf/fwb/date? Maybe time to call it off.

Would anyone say that? Why? I would never assume I had caused someone a headache 😂

Talking about being desperate for validation

Mr Moving needs to be a Mr Moved on from imo..

@Menora - narcissist. Relates everything back to himself.

@Menora was he not a bit wary to meet in the beginning?

the old iron from yesterday has confused me, didnt think he was that interested in anything but sex but says he is. I think hes a bit emotionally unavailable tho. not sure if I'm just being played 😫, but would like to give it another shot just to see. in all honestly I dont know him all that well but there is something about him I like.

had been seeing mr builder whos not my usual type but is nice and altho a bit of a bad boy seems to be a gent, fun and very open.

urgh, I always like the ones I shouldn't. I dont know what to do and I dont like talking/seeing more than 1 guy. should I tell mr builder the truth or say I'm just having a break?