Dating thread 177. Drinking Prosecco on our own trying to arrange a christmas snog

[Marlboroandmalbec34]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

I spent the last few months of 2018 and most of 2019 meeting lots of men for casual sex.

I know why I did it, I ended my marriage in April 2018 and my self esteem and confidence was rock bottom.
I wanted to feel wanted and also I love sex so it seemed a good idea at the time.

I married young so I see it as reliving my teenage years, I've mostly outgrown it now.

I'm so embarrassed I can't even say how many people I've slept with in the last 18 months.

Do I regret it?
A little bit but I've also found it very empowering and I do have some body confidence now so that's a plus.

Sometimes we do things which aren't in our best interests but we can learn from it.

You’ve hit the nail though shitwith - good sex only really happens if there’s an underlying mutual attraction/affection (which can happen very very quickly in some cases). If you don’t fancy them or give a fuck about them as people - and/or vice versa - it can be exciting sex but not good sex. IME. I’ve had a very strict rule throughout that I don’t have sex on first meeting, because I make appalling decisions on the spur of the moment! This has proved an extremely frustrating in the short term but, in the long run, beneficial rule for me.

We’re all different though

I think if you can't or struggle to be on your own, you are at real risk of getting into relationships with the type of men other women would run a mile from.

I've been there too, with wrong-un's I regret, thankfully many moons ago now.

Have a great Christmas @SimonJT

Aw can I just say have been out Xmas shopping all day and got back and read this thread and I love you lot. I love the candid descriptions of sex and relationships and your emotional honesty. I love how everyone supports each other. I love how I am someone who has literally not had sex in years (not last 5 years of my marriage or the two years single since) and has just started OLD and alternating between feeling insanely horny and wanting an FB to feeling guilty for even being on the apps when I have a 16 year old DD at home and wanting to shut up shop and negate my needs and just be a mum .... I can go on here and learn about all your experiences and not drive myself crazy about benching, ghosting, that thing where someone is amazingly sexy but an awful person you can't shag or that other thing where they are lovely and funny but you can't get over the sheer irreducability of not fancying them. The ones who seem keen then disappear after asking you out. The boredom of tedious chatters with nothing to say. The frustration of ones who ask you out and won't set a date and the sheer creepiness of some of the 'hey babe' gang. All of it. It's so bloody weird. And I am so grateful for you all sharing your experience and wisdom !!!

@shitwithsugaron I know you've been feeling that heartbreak/nausea thing, but it sounds like you've got yourself in a really good headspace today, that is honestly so amazing that you've been able to this already.

@UtterSocks i love this thread too, it's definitely helped me through the past couple of weeks. And fwiw I don't think for a second you should feel guilty for being on the apps. You deserve some fun and happiness too 💐

@UtterSocks I vote for your post to be the introduction to our podcast-slash-book, eh, @NoMoreWeepingAndWanking?

Happy Christmas everyone.

My ex has just pooped round to see the kids and one of the first things my da said to him was "Mummy's friend has a Nintendo Switch and I really want one for Christmas". AWKWARD (that "friend" was Mr Ad who they met yesterday).

Anyway, he brought round presents for me and my family (they don't buy for him anymore seeing as he cheated on me) and I invited him to stay for breakfast on Xmas morning. He is coming round anyway as we have got the kids joint presents. Figured neither of us want to be away from the kids on Xmas Day any more than we have to (and might also be the 3 large g&t's I had).

*popped! He popped round 😂😂🤣

Haha oh I love the idea of a podcast/book @perfectpretender ... we could all have our voices disguised like in police witness videos!

And thank you @TheDevilsPedicure ... I do feel incredible guilt (Catholic. Nuns. All that) ... but also am thinking if none of my 3 procrastinating current irons pan out in January how inconvenient would it actually be to drive further for milk in order to fuck the young man from my newsagent who has been talking dirty to me for a year? (I feel bad even considering it. But also horny)

@UtterSocks just do it- can you get milk delivered? 😂 mind you if the milkman was fit you'd have a whole new problem....

You just described the thread perfectly @uttersocks

Sometimes I forget this is a thread on a public site but I'm very glad to know you all.. And I hope we all end up happily ever after ❤️😍

shit I have to admit I have slept with way too many people since OLD and since my marriage ended, sometimes a feel a bit shocked about my behaviour but on the other hand “if I was a bloke it would be considered an achievement” ,I have had over 50 dates (maybe more) Over 3/4 years, have slept with quite a few of them. The first year of being single I went a bit crazy and wasn’t too picky, I have claimed things down a bit now and I’m more selective. I think it’s good to let off a bit of stem after being in a long relationship/marriage.

I had sex with the first guy I went on a date with after my marriage ended. He pursued me on Match, I eventually gave in and agreed to a date, slept with him on our second date and then he ghosted me! I was still glad I had sex with him though as it meant my ex wasn't the last man I had slept with.

Love this thread! Always keeps me entertained when I can't sleep. Off to meet Mr Curls again. Can't get over my luck.

@Sunshineandflipflops that's exactly how I felt- I was desperate to shag someone else when my marriage ended, didn't want horrible ex being the last one I slept with. Was kind of worth getting the UTI off of my neighbour 😂

Matched with a really fit guy on bumble, I sent a message 'Hi X, how are you?' The reply I get is 'I'd really like to fuck you'. I mean can't they think of anything better?

Wow @TheDevilsPedicure 😳

I've never had a message like that, or a dick pic! I must look too wholesome 😂

@shitwithsugaron I felt dreadful when I split with MrT I pretty much went feral and my 4 year old wiped my tears away with her muslin cloth and cuddled me. I couldn't eat, sleep or function properly and it took a good few months to feel ok again.

So MrM sent flowers to my workplace today - my office mates said 'wow, he's a keeper' I said I bloody know! He's so bloody lovely I cannot believe my luck in swiping right on him on tinder 10 weeks ago! On the subject on kissing - MrM kisses the same as me and our kisses are amazing, sensual, passionate and gorgeous. He's amazing in bed and worries about my needs as much as his own - he's a lot a little bit Mr Grey too which is amazeballs as I'm very much into this too.

@Sunshineandflipflops I get told I look innocent all the time 😂😂😂 god how pathetic. Anyone think of a witty reply?

@shitwithsugaron of course you matter. You are doing so well- I honestly think the freedom programme is going to be fab for you. The horrible feeling inside will start to fade 💐

I love this thread! Like all of us, I've had loads of sex since my marriage ended (met ex at 19, divorced at 52). Sex with ex wasn't great. I knew there was something missing - eventually went with men who were much more sexually confident and in control and realised that's what I like. Mr BC is absolutely perfect and flicks ALL my switches - not phased by toys or my filthy mind and very energetic (as in isn't a 'one and done' guy. I'm not a 'one and done' woman either 😂) We suit each other perfectly.