Dating thread 177. Drinking Prosecco on our own trying to arrange a christmas snog

[Marlboroandmalbec34]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

It’s my first one alone but he told me he was leaving before last Xmas

I am really missing Mr S at the moment as he is with family and extended family for Christmas. Haven't spoken to him today and barley spoke yesterday as he is helping his mum get organized and taking on a lot as she isn't in the best of health. I gave him his presents on Thursday and I made him cry happy tears. He isn't used to getting presents as he didn't have the best upbringing and it just continued. He opened one of them and is saving the rest for Christmas day. We also had a little cry as it's going to be his first Christmas without his Nan and she basically raised him as his mum was very young when she had him. It feels like it's been far longer than just 2 months with him. We connect on so many levels, it might have taken me a while to find him and had some disastrous relationships and dates but I'm not letting Mr S go. 2019 was a rubbish year until I met him

I’m sorry @shitwithsugaron and @bangheadhere40 that things aren’t going so great right now but 2020 is nearly here and a new year, new start I would just take it easy for the time being and focus on yourselves

I might be coming into the smitten bench. I got butterflies when I saw Mr Moving tonight for the first time. He looked really cute. I’ve put him straight about the whole ‘can’t read me’ thing and put that to bed hopefully! He gave me a lovely Christmas present too

So sorry @shitwithsugaron

Sorry for all the others having not so great times.

This will be my first Christmas without exH. Last year he came here for the day and we spent it pretending to like each other for the dc sake. I still feel sad at not being a 'complete' family sometimes... but then exH was miserable. I absolutely love Christmas, it was always just me and dc getting excited.

Had the most amazing weekend with Mr RR, after a erm, night in on Friday, last night we went to our local (we have lots of mutual friends). Usually we would be friendly, but the 'benefits' part has always been our secret (of course), well we turned up hand in hand and our friends were so happy for us. It was really lovely.
We also had a bit of a heart to heart and spoke about our fears and where we go from here... we've decided that actually, nothing needs to change other than not having to hide away any more. Things were great before so we will just go with the flow and enjoy each other.

I really wish all of you a lovely Christmas, i know it’s a hard time of year to be single and I’ve spent so many single christmases myself - been apart from my DC dad for 12 years and we didn’t really love each other 😂

The way I see things is that heartbreak is shit, but I do have some fond memories of lovely moments with partners - even if it didn’t last forever. It still happened to me. And it can happen again. Nothing is absolute, especially love

@supercali77 literally chatted and just kissing (lots of kissing). I did say that I was ok with him still chatting to other women but I would then keep things less intimate and he said he wasn't talking to anyone else. However, his tinder distance moves meaning he must still open it?

For all those desperate to get this year over with - like me - tonight is the winter solstice. The darkest Day. The longest night. From herein it will only get lighter and brighter with new growth, new life and new possibilities. Rejoice in the turning off the year and letting go of the darkness. Make a wish for the coming sun and go to sleep knowing tomorrow is already going to be a little brighter than today

And wasn't that nicely timed for midnight? Shit. I really need to go to bed

I am nearly 40 and I don’t know why but being single got much easier when I hit 35!

I've had a weird evening. My ex sent presents to a mutual acquaintance, so I collected them and let the DC open them early. It's as if he doesn't know them at all, despite only being apart from them a few months. All his presents were generic or utterly unsuitable. It made the DC feel like shit and I'm glad I let them open things early so at least the day of Christmas isn't ruined by sad feelings.

I just had a long rant on the phone to Mr G about it, and I'm worried I've gone on too long about my ex and isn't that a weird thing to do with someone you're dating? It's our first Christmas without their father and it feels weird. Life is better, but it is all new. I am trying to process all the different feelings that brings up. I don't want to talk about it with him so much, but obviously it's on my mind so it would be weird not to talk about it? He's been very understanding and wise, he's gone through a breakup/divorce with kids too, and this is his first Christmas post-divorce himself, but his life is much less complex than mine (his DC's mother died 6 years ago, and his recent divorce was with his 2nd wife, they didn't have DC together or anything).

I've had a bit of a cry tonight once kids were in bed and I expect I may end up crying xmas day too after ex has collected kids and taken them for a few days. On top of missing them I have the memory of getting engaged on a Christmas morning many moons ago 😔 urgh, I used to love christmas but now it's just another chore to get through whilst putting on an act for the kids 🙄

@unambiguousbeard Thanks, we met at 16 and were together from then, minus 3 years when I was at uni (he cheated on me and was engaged to someone else when we met again 3 years later...I should have known). But I loved him from that moment I met him at 16. We grew up together, did everything together so yeah, pretty much all my memories as an adult involve him.

It's weird, I should hate him but I can't. I know we'll never be together again in that way but I know I'll also never be able to feel nothing for him. We are still very fond of each other, but I guess more in a "ive known you most of my life and we've been through so much" kind of way.

Ugh. Feeling really fed up today, I just want Xmas to be over and for things to go back to normal.

Very lonely atm. Not matched with anyone nearby and people are understandably busy this time of year but bloody hell im bored and horny. I don't want to just sleep with some random atm as think it'd make things worse. I miss FWB and until there's someone that can match him I'm not going to do it. I'm trying to make myself annoyed with him for getting back in touch, sleeping with me loads and messaging me all the time when he must have known how I felt.

💐 to all feeling shitty about Xmas

Funny isn't it @shitwithsugaron how all that sex felt quite good and empowering at the time, now it just feels yuk. But that's the OLD way. This is why I've not been on a date since Mr U and have swiped all of London. I've matched over 100 and must have messaged at least half of them and I could have met about 10 or so. I Even had dates sets up which I cancelled. With very attractive men. But I don't want to have random sex with people. I might in the future I guess. I woke up my libido post split and sowed some oats. I guess after having a relationship with someone you love where the sex was good the thought of doing all that shagging feels pointless. It's healthy not to. And yeah I've got my toys.

I'm not the person like @midthirtiesandsingle (not single?) who will have the romantic result we'd all like. Or meet like @Peanutbuttermouth . I'm not that person. I thought I might be when I deleted my tinder and met someone in RL. Like the person who gives up trying to have a baby and gets pregnant naturally. Actually I was that person but then I birthed that baby dead at 20 weeks. Story of my life really...

Anyway apologies this was meant to be me agreeing with shitwith about how casual sex feels so pointless. I've probably just outed myself. Ah well.

@shitwithsugaron that's nothing to be ashamed of either you know. I did a fair amount of that kind of thing too- I don't really regret it except only in the sense that really I didn't get much from it. And everybody fed nobody dead is a mantra I will be using. I'm just sad because I wanted this Xmas to be really good. Apart from the FWB which I am still a bit sad about, this is mainly to do with other stuff going on atm- struggling with various things.

Sex with a random isn't the answer right now. I don't need FWB- that's gone and I'm not pining much but what I'm sad about is that it's so bloody hard to find someone who makes me feel like he did. I desperately want that spark- that feeling of 100% being attracted to someone and enjoying being around them.

The date I went on on Friday, in his pics he looked like he'd be a laugh. I reckon they might have been a few years old and he also definitely looked older than 28. I knew within a couple of minutes it was pointless- too dry, he just wasn't saying much at all. Ugh. I downed my second drink to escape 😂

I'm sorry last night was tough for so many people. Christmas is such a family time that it's hard to feel alone but I suspect that lots of us just had a load of wifework and stress and the reality (from a practical point of view) is better without our ex. Obviously I miss having someone to chat to but in many ways my life is easier without that lazy waste of space. The dc don't want to see him til 27th and he's respecting their wishes. I know that he's tried to buy them with expensive presents whereas they'll prefer my cheaper, more thoughtful gifts that have been bought in sales from about July. So I suppose my conclusion to this long ramble is that one day our children will be grateful for the sacrifices we made - mine already are - and will have a far better relationship with us.

@shitwithsugaron I'm sorry it didn't work with Mr B. Sending hugs.

@Sunshineandflipflops I'm glad it worked out with Mr Ad. It sounds like he's been through a lot and has self awareness and some emotional depth (unlike your ex) so I'll raise a glass (or maybe my morning coffee) to it working out for you.

Mr R is coming over for lunch tomorrow. Dc like him and things are going well. Then I won't be able to see him til the weekend. It was a rocky start to the relationship and I have had numerous bouts of insecurity in the last 7 months but I think I'm over that and can actually enjoy getting to know him better.

That is the biggest disappointment of casual sex - absolute lack of orgasms! I really do need intimacy to be able to get there. Also this is why I don’t choose dominating alpha type men, as I am not sexually compatible with someone who throws me around bangs hard and comes first

@unambiguousbeard 💐 from me too. No words really, just admittedly makes me feel selfish for complaining about my problems. I'm lucky really.

@shitwithsugaron well you definitely deserve better sex than that! Sex with FWB at times was amazing but when I really started getting feelings for him i struggled to relax as much I think. I wanted to do anything but held back a bit I think- I'm not entirely sure why and I regret it now. Early on when we got back in touch we had to go to a hotel one night and I mistakenly let him book it. He thought that somehow he'd booked a fancy 2 bed apartment for £40. I was really? But ok went along, turned up. Was a room in a 2 bed flat on a not so nice estate in my hometown 😂 I mean tbh we just didn't care and probably had the best sex we've ever had with the guy who owned the flat listening in the living room. Could even smell their dinner cooking 😂

A class act we were not...

Menora I’m the same, have to feel a connection, although I felt it with Mr SA and he was just FWB.

Shit Mr Skinny was pretty boring in bed and I gave up even hoping I would orgasm, I got to the point where I didn’t look forward to sex with him.

Oh god I didn't want sympathy! It just occurred to me while I was typing. And that was just the first time it happened. Honestly you couldn't make up what happened to us. I think the most loving couple would have struggled to stay together after what we went through. Or what I went through while he told me to pull myself together and shouted at me whenever I cried. Anyway.

@shitwithsugaron right. You need to remember that for a start! Crap sexual sensitivity. Start making a list! I know it doesn't really work, Mr U was a misogynistic, self obsessed, moaning porn addled git but I still miss him. But it does help rationally!

@TheDevilsPedicure it takes a while to meet someone and you've only just split with FWB. At least you are finding potentials. There will be one when you're ready