Dating thread 177. Drinking Prosecco on our own trying to arrange a christmas snog

[Marlboroandmalbec34]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

shit what you are feeling is completely normal (I was the same after ending things with Mr skinny), try and focus on the fact he treated you badly and not the good times and the fact he would have continued treating you badly because that’s who he is. Things will get easier and a lot quicker than you think (it feels bad right now but it won’t last).

In the spirit of christmas I'm meeting one of my whatsapp returnees last minute to have a drink (get pissed). Not waxed and wearing a sports bra undoubtedly end up in bed with him. Wish me luck gang

Shit I thought the same. I still feel a bit weird seeing him in POF, though I guess it means if he’s still on there he hasn’t managed to find anyone as stupid as me. I have only had one date since and that was just a coffee with Mr Beard, I’m not really that bothered about dating at the moment but I am over Mr Skinny.

Ugh I miss my ex. Its complicated, he made a choice that meant he didn't want me and I gave up on dignified and begged him to keep things going. I get hit by waves of loss.POF was supposed to distract me, now I'm just missing him horribly.

How you are feeling is normal @shitwithsugaron
How's that red flag list going?

Have fun @supercali77. Definitely going to end up in bed with him 😁

@supercali77 have a fab night!

@shitwithsugaron are you sure you wouldn't be better off blocking him? Don't get sucked back in, you are worth so much more.

I'm missing FWB like crazy tonight. Fucking Xmas music is a nightmare. 2become1 really got to me earlier 😂

Big love to everyone feeling blue.

I am with Mr Ad and very happily so, however I still struggle big time at this time of year. I've got through our wedding anniversary, tomorrow marks 25 years since our first kiss as 16/17 year olds and two days after Xmas is the day I found out about his affair and we split, two years ago.

Being with someone else doesn't make those memories any easier.

It’s my first xmas Alone. I’m over my ex h and his behaviour has made me hate him. But it’s sad doing it all alone with dd. Like going to local national trust today for Santa etc etc. Still got xmas cards from people with all our names on 😔

Showing excellent timing, my final DD at home announced today she would be moving 200 miles away on 2 January. Like I knew my dog couldn’t live forever, I knew the DC would and should eventually all fly the nest. But my word, me and the puppy will feel the emptiness of the nest very keenly. Plus I’m all alone tonight (not even the puppy!) as they are all doing Xmas with XH and his gf

Strangely, the last people I want to share all this with are my FWBs. I do wonder whether I’m finally facing release from responsibilities and therefore the desire to move on?

Baileys, anyone?

shit offering you a big unmumsnetty hug x

Glad the meeting went well Sunshine. It's a difficult time of year for lots of people, I know. I know Mr BC still finds it hard.

Watching the start of the Christmas telly. Stbx and I loved watching these things together but he's over there with the ow and I'm on my own and missing...15 years of togetherness and ease and companionship and feeling very empty but calm. There's a fluttering pain brewing underneath but I am resolutely ignoring it. I will probably cry at bedtime. I don't want him back but I miss elements of what we had so very strongly.

@shit you should know we've trained your pup to eat your phone the minute you start staring too wistfully at it.

Sorry @tiger that's tough too

Like a lot on here in struggling at this time of year. I'm on apps but only half heartedly looking and not really swiping. I was with ex 21 years and whilst he treated me appallingly by having an affair and then denying it for a further 18 months whilst calling me crazy, he was the love of my life and my best friend and I miss him which is enhanced at this time of year when I'm trying to remain festive for the kids and doing all the christmas stuff alone with them - much as I hate to admit it

@Neverexpected2 I feel the same it’s hard 😔. Even getting out the decorations and remembering where they came from and those memories

Sending more unmumsnetty hugs for all of you feeling low tonight. I’m on the wine and pouring a glass for each of you.

Sorry for everyone struggling. That includes me 😁

@shitwithsugaron you know you will be ok. But sadly I'm with you when you say you won't find anyone again. I've swiped all of London between 35 and 60 and come up with no one. It's hard hard not having any apps as a distraction.

@tigerdater that's a wrench re your DD. My youngest is 7. I can't imagine her going and will break my heart when she does as I'm sure yours is. 

It's really sad reading all your memories. @Sunshineandflipflops I hadn't realised you were with your ex from 16. Blimey no wonder you still feel it. I got together with my exH in my 30s! I have no fond memories of Christmases together etc. I remember me and the DDs decorating the tree. Me buying decorations/tree/sorting music/buying wrapping presents. And exH mentally absent reading the paper. I took DD to Xmas shows without him. He had no interest. If we went to a Xmas market he went straight for a beer then badgered to go home. So yeah. It makes no difference without him. In fact it's easier. I'm not on eggshells.

Must be so hard if you do have happy memories. And not sure who else is going through their first Xmas post split but a special shout out/extra support/baileys/snowball to @NoMoreWeepingAndWanking as I know it's your first one.

I suspect my Xmas day will be difficult. I will do everything. ExH (who is spending the day) will do sweet FA til his GF turns up when he will suddenly be helpful. I must try not to get annoyed.

I have wine and I’m watching a star is born. Think this is not a good idea 😔

@unambiguousbeard. My ex h lives near so he is taking dd for a walk xmas afternoon and for hot choc or something at his . I can’t have him in my house

Also @peanutbuttermouth that's lovely. I can't imagine that ever happening to me, ditching someone then meeting mr right. As happened to @JeSuisPrest and Kermit! I bet it happens to you @shitwithsugaron

I think I'll be single indefinitely. I'm too difficult and picky. And emotionally unavailable. I've decided to not go back on the apps til I've sold the family home and moved which should be February. Not swiping will be hard but I need to spend some time without any male attention. Been seeking it and getting it since 13 so will do me good to cogitate for a while.