Dating thread 177. Drinking Prosecco on our own trying to arrange a christmas snog

[Marlboroandmalbec34]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

banghead I’m sorry but I really think you’re letting him mess you about big time, which is so bad for your self-esteem. It’s one thing that some loser off the interweb can’t be arsed to see you, quite another that you are allowing it. Please, cut him out.

Sorry, Cross-posted. That’s great, but drawing that final line and blocking would be much greater for you.

Agree with the others @bangheadhere40 - look back through your messages with him

• How long has it been since you first started talking about meeting up? If I recall he lives a way away from you and is a full time single dad. If he hasn't arranged a meet up yet, how is he actually going to manage dating? Don't fall for the sunk cost fallacy, you've invested enough time in this already. Lots of people use OLD as an escape from real life. You are a lovely, convenient distraction for him. He doesn't need to organise babysitters, get ready or even buy you a drink - you're entertaining him just by responding to his messages with the false expectation that at some unnamed point in the future he will actually want to meet you. I had one of these as my first match on POF - 3 weeks it went on, then he ghosted me then got back in touch, ghosted me again and finally crawled out of the wood work with a sob story about how he though I was out of his league. I just wanted to meet for a coffee FGS not measure him up for a Groom's suit!

Oh @shitwithsugaron massive hugs for you sweetheart. You've done the right thing but it doesn't make it hurt less 😕🌷

shitwith 😥💐

@shitwithsugaron - well done, you are awesome, but also sending hugs x

@shitwithsugaron big hugs - you are incredibly strong and fabulous 

@JeSuisPrest April?? Crikey that seems ages ago! I remember Mr Plumber!

@Sunshineandflipflops good luck today! Mr AD is lovely and you sound lovely together!

Thanks to all for the support on this thread especially when I was going through the Mr Tall nonsense, it's been a strange old year for me but I'm ending it in a high - I'm the future Mrs Mechanic apparently! We are spending Boxing Day onwards together between our 2 houses, we live 15 minutes apart and all is good in Kermits World. Welcome to all newbies - these threads are littered with ace advice and between we've been through all obstacles associated with OLD

@jesuis thanks, your story sounds familiar, very similar circumstances, along with the me being out of his league, did you ever meet that guy?

Very proud of you @shitwithsugaron May the next iron you meet be one that deserves you ❤️

bangheadhere40 No I never met him and I'm soooooo grateful 😂, it freed me up to go down a different path with other people and give me more tales to tell my future grandchildren 🙈😳

Awwwww shit there's never a good time but this time of year amplifies it! Drink some baileys, watch Christmas films, cry, laugh and use 2020 to get back to it - I've heard the freedom program is brilliant

@jesuis....good to hear really, I do think this guy doesn't realise a coffee is a coffee...crazy isn't it, this one ghosts, pops up with sob stories etc. I hope for my sake I don't meet him.

@shit, sorry you are feeling so low, you will do. I can virtually you if you want if you sign up to tinder.

shit give your self time to recover and work on your self. Try and stay away from the apps for a bit.

Someone added me as favourite on POF, he’s a lot older then me but looks pretty fit for his age, not sure if I should break my own age rule 🤔, I’m almost 38 and he’s 56, it would be crazy right? (Please talk me out of it) 🤣

I was meant to be seeing Mr beard today but he hasn’t messaged me, he’s probably expecting me to message first but I’m kind of fed up of being the one to send the first text. I’m ignoring another iron as he got a bit full on and keeps asking what to buy me for Christmas, I’ve never even met him .

@ love...I'm 38 and Mr Aerospace my new iron is 51. If you find him attractive it doesn't matter really.

@shitwithsugaron you definitely need time to heal. Attract what you project and all that.

I find it hard to post on here and not want to date though so I'll be disappearing for a bit again. Stay safe all, stick to the rules and hope you all find your 'other' half.

Cant believe how fast this thread moves.

@Jane1978xx from ur post yesterday. I've saw mr builder about 5/6 times and we message every day. just depends how many times, sometimes a lot, sometimes not. Like if he has his son I dont like to annoy him.

I cut my planned-in-August weekend short so m stbx could spend time with his girlfriend while her children are away. To repay me he turned up late and left my house in a complete mess. I am re thinking my childcare arrangements even though it will cost me hundreds of pounds more each month because I can't go on like this

@shitwithsugaron virtual hugs to you, at least it didnt get dragged out today, but you're bound to feel shit afterwards so look after yourself

Dipping back in to update....
Really truly thought I'd found someone wonderful - interesting, intelligent, sexy - brilliant first date, didn't stop talking afterwards etc. Both of us seemingly very smitten. Then the night before our next date he suddenly blocked me on Match. Said he didn't want to see my profile and know I was talking to other people. I understood and I felt antsy knowing he was talking to others too, but talking about it he got weird and defensive, started telling me that if he unblocked me that didn't mean he would always give in to me in the future, and then he said some things that suddenly made me think incel - and I ended the conversation. I feel very sad, lonely because it's Christmas and bastard ex is cosy with the OW and even though he's an abusive arse everyone loves him and thinks he's wonderful. I'm faking cheery responses to the sudden rush of irons who are probably all as lonely and sad as I am and over New Year I'm going away on my own because my friend has decided she has other plans now. FML. Painting on a smile for the DC and feeling quietly desperate. So pathetic isn't it......

Big hugs to you @shitwithsugaron

Oh wow this time of year is hard. Let me say though, putastraw the fact you are putting on brave faces left right and centre makes you the least pathetic of people - you are strong and kind to others, be kind to yourself too.

nomore that is outrageous behaviour from your ex! A complete revamp of arrangements sounds like the way to go. Starting with no more enabling of selfish behaviour on his part.

bangheadhere as others have said - ditch it. He wont get any better honestly. Take it from old hands.

shitwith that must have been really rough but....you're doing right by yourself with the freedom programme and staying off the apps for a while. 2020 vision

sunshine good luck with mr abs and the kids meeting. Well done on saying something about the cut off call.

Afm well ...its still complicated. I think if I had a romance astrology reading it would be 'possibilities with no certainties'.