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Original poster

Sexting before you meet, is it ok?

123 replies

littlebirdieblue · 15/12/2019 14:57

Well just that really. I'm trying OLD and chatting to some nice guys. Been on a few dates but they weren't for me. I've been chatting to this man for about 10 days now, will be meeting on Friday. The thing is that since last Friday we've been sexting a little and then this morning it was a lot and ended up him calling me on WhatsApp and we had phone sex. I really enjoyed it but I'm nervous now that this will make things awkward on Friday. I've only ever had 1 long term partner that I've sexted with before, and I just want to know if I have ruined the chance of us having anything more than just this? Sorry I'm rambling a little. I've told him my thoughts and he was saying not to worry, but I just don't know if it's ok to do this before you've even met?

OP posts:
OvalCanvas · 15/12/2019 15:00

It's about what you feel comfortable with to be honest. If he judges you for partaking in something that he is also doing , then he would be no great loss.

OldWomanSaysThis · 15/12/2019 15:04

Sexting and phone sex with a complete stranger you met on OLD? Lord no.
Hope you didn't send him photographs.
It's not about him judging you for it - it's about your own personal safety and privacy.

Original poster
littlebirdieblue · 15/12/2019 15:07

No I would never send photographs. I'm 45 and know that would be a stupid thing to do

OP posts:
Lampan · 15/12/2019 15:09

He is a complete stranger and you don’t know anything about him, other than what he has told you. It may or may not be true.
He will probably be expecting sex very quickly if you meet up with him. What if you don’t even like or fancy him? Be very careful and in future at least wait until you have met and are comfortable with someone before any sexting happens.

SouthernComforts · 15/12/2019 15:10

I'm 27 and personally never sext, phone sex or allow any pictures or videos of myself. I learned that one the hard way when I was 16 and camera phones were pretty new.

If you are happy to do it then do. I never have had and made that clear when I was OLD. Probably put a few people off but then we wouldn't be compatible anyway.

MirriMazDuur · 15/12/2019 15:10

Presumably you're up for shagging him straight away? Because that's the message you've given.

WYP2018 · 15/12/2019 15:11

Be prepared for him to buy you a drink and then expect you to go home to bed! Been there, learnt my lesson. Any sex talk before meeting generally means a bloke isn’t interested in anything serious.

Original poster
littlebirdieblue · 15/12/2019 15:13

Ah that's what I'm worried about. Bloody hell how foolish. I think I should cancel
Friday then and stop talking to him 😔

OP posts:
Confusedbeetle · 15/12/2019 15:13

I cant believe you did this and now are meeting, will you have your pants off

snowybaubles · 15/12/2019 15:15

Really weird.

It's put a huge elephant and expectation of you do meet. He may have just used you for a wank though.

PlasticPatty · 15/12/2019 15:16

Yeah, seems risky.

MirriMazDuur · 15/12/2019 15:17

I'd cancel.

IHaveBrilloHair · 15/12/2019 15:18

I wouldn't, he's going in with the expectation that you're having sex.
I wouldn't want to be somewhere alone with a stranger.

OldWomanSaysThis · 15/12/2019 15:19

That's good - no photos involved.
So, if you were sexting him and doing phone sex then I'm guessing you are looking for sex? If so, meet him, have sex. I'm not sure you can walk back what's already happened. I mean, you SHOULD be able to walk it back because people (women) should always be able to say No at any point, but in reality, you're telling each other this encounter is only about sex.

Fairylea · 15/12/2019 15:19

I wouldn’t do this. It makes it all about sex. If you’re looking for a proper relationship it’s best to just message about non sexual stuff and get to know each other slowly.

Original poster
littlebirdieblue · 15/12/2019 15:19

I think I was flattered by his attention, my partner left me in the summer for someone else and I've been so worried that no one would want to be with me, that it was kind of like an ego boost. But now it doesn't feel good after reading some of your replies. In fact I feel rubbish about myself again 😔

OP posts:
DianaT1969 · 15/12/2019 15:20

Don't be hard on yourself OP and ignore any unkind criticism. You are chartering new waters here. This guy is no doubt an OLD veteran.
Chalk it up to experience and either cancel, or tell him it's a drink only and stick to that.

WWlOOlWW · 15/12/2019 15:20

Christ!

When I was OLD if a guy even mentioned sex before we met I'd cancel the date.

When/if you meet him - odds you probably won't like him anyway (or vice versa).

tinylittlehat · 15/12/2019 15:20

Totally depends what you're comfortable with. For me, nope! However I have a friend who did, she's now been with the guy a few years and they're very happy, so don't rule it out entirely!

DianaT1969 · 15/12/2019 15:21

At least you are being brave and getting out there.

Fairylea · 15/12/2019 15:22

Don’t feel bad! It really doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things. Just depends what you’re looking for Smile

Bluntness100 · 15/12/2019 15:22

I think we all have different standards and if you're good with this then it's fine.

Personally phone sex is cringe at the best of times, but listening to some stranger wank or letting him here me wank, is seriously not my thing and I'd not do that. I'd also assume you want to shag him immediately. I mean if you've done the wanking thing, it's not that much further.

As said, you need to do you, but I'd not do this with someone I'd never even met.

Original poster
littlebirdieblue · 15/12/2019 15:28

I'm not looking for just sex at all, I would like to have a lasting relationship with someone. I was with my partner that left me for 18 months. I'd been separated then divorced from my ex of 20 years for 2 years before I was ready to have a new relationship. I thought I'd found my soulmate when I met him after a horrible marriage, but he obviously wasn't. I'm ready to meet someone new, but I think I've rushed this whole thing with the OLD guy. I don't want him to think I'm desperate for sex with him, but now he probably thinks I am.

OP posts:
Betterbegoing · 15/12/2019 15:28

Well, as others have said, he’ll be going into this with the expectation you’ll be fucking him on the first date, which is fine if that’s what you want too but it doesn’t sound like it is... which begs the question why you would act in a sexual way with someone if that’s not what you want. That’s not going to do anything for your confidence last the initial rush of feeling wanted. I’d rethink how I was approaching OLD if I were you.

lovethesunshineways · 15/12/2019 15:31

I'm in the early stages of a relationship, having started chatting online. We hit it off straight way and met after a week of messaging. During that first week we sent lots, over a 100, of messages each day, getting more intimate as the week went on. We finally met and for both of us it was love at first sight. I've never believed in that before but it really does happen. I went with my gut instinct and so far I've not been proved wrong. If it feels right then go for it x

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