Sexting before you meet, is it ok?

[littlebirdieblue]

Well just that really. I'm trying OLD and chatting to some nice guys. Been on a few dates but they weren't for me. I've been chatting to this man for about 10 days now, will be meeting on Friday. The thing is that since last Friday we've been sexting a little and then this morning it was a lot and ended up him calling me on WhatsApp and we had phone sex. I really enjoyed it but I'm nervous now that this will make things awkward on Friday. I've only ever had 1 long term partner that I've sexted with before, and I just want to know if I have ruined the chance of us having anything more than just this? Sorry I'm rambling a little. I've told him my thoughts and he was saying not to worry, but I just don't know if it's ok to do this before you've even met?

I'm chatting to 2 other really lovely guys and sex hadn't been mentioned at all with them. I don't really know how I ended up in this situation as it's not me at all. I've only slept with 5 people, all relationships. I've never had a one night stand or done anything like this before

lovethesunshine- that's nice to read, I hope it continues to go well for you 😊

I'm with the other posters. Mainly because it's so awkward if you meet and there is no spark. It's also hard to slow the pace down from here I think.

But don't feel bad about it. Hopefully you enjoyed the experience.

If it doesn't feel right then just take a step back from it. If he's genuine he'll understand. If he gets all grumpy then you're probably best off out of it. I wasn't looking for a fully blown sexual relationship, just a bit of fun and friendship but what I have found has blown me away, it has for him too x

I wouldn't, not before meeting. With current guy it happened naturally after 2nd date when we'd obviously found a spark and knew we were comfortable. (2nd date but we'd been chatting for ages before that).

Nothing wrong per se, but you are obviously feeling a bit weird about it. I'd probably cancel it due to awkwardness unless you really are keen.

You are not the first he has done this with. Guaranteed.

Go on the date, but it might be awkward if there is so sexual chemistry in person.

Can't believe how judgemental some posters are being!

Saying the man will be expecting sex on the first date .. OP enjoyed the sexting, does that mean OP is only out for sex and expecting it on the first date too?

OP if you like the guy meet him and dont feel bad about sexting or phone sex, you're a grown woman and you had some fun in the moment 🤷🏻‍♀️

You might not like him on sight so have a plan to get away quickly if that’s the case.

I drove past an online date once and my heart sank as I knew he wasn’t my type at all (no sexting thank god) but that’s how quickly you can know. Another guy started sexting before we met and I didn’t join in but met him anyway even though I wasn’t 100% comfortable. He was actually really nice in person but I couldn’t get past the sexts which were not my thing at all. When I told him, he said sorry I misread the signals .

Anyway it’s all experience and you probably won’t be drawn into it again, unless it’s what you are looking for of course.

I can see it being an ego boost for you - as it is the same for the anonymous man. But really, it's a cheap ego boost. You all don't even know each other. You could be anyone to him.

I used to get an ego boost from having 100s of emails from men on OLD when really I all was to them was an OLD profile on a screen - not even human. I had to stop and think about that.

It's certainly better to get an ego boost by a man who knows you and THEN seems interested in you due to the wonderful person you are.

I would not meet this man as you will reject the quick sex and women never know how a rejected man will behave. That's the risk. Some men could be cool about it, others won't be. You just don't know enough about him to know how he will react.

Don’t feel bad @littlebirdieblue chalk it up to experience, but don’t go on the date. Guaranteed, he’s after sex and will be expecting it as that lines been crossed now.

You live and learn :)

Who said romance was dead?

I’m just dumbstruck at the sexually incontinent behaviour everywhere.

Have people lost all self respect?

Utterly bizarre.

I’m 39 and I have been burnt with this kind of thing in the past
I don’t actually really enjoy it or find it arousing to do it I find it awkward. I’ve done it when I thought the other person wanted it but then a few years ago I just decided no, it wasn’t for me and I never do it now. I will flirt, and with a partner I would be suggestive and sexy on messaging but I need a level of trust and intimacy to enjoy it

I also think this just gives a clear sign it’s a sex thing and not a RS thing. Someone who wants a RS will be interested in your actual normal life

@TrinketsPearls romance definitely isn't dead, not with me anyway 😊

OP enjoyed the sexting, does that mean OP is only out for sex and expecting it on the first date too?

Eh? Did you not read rhe op? She had phone sex, not just sexitng, and phone sex is the pair of them talking dirty over the phone and wanking off at the same time . That's why people are saying he will expect sex. It's not an illogical conclusion,

What app are you on OP? This is rife on Tinder and POF. It’s not so bad on Bumble. I’ve met quite a few men who were never sexual with me, were polite and enjoyed conversation. I did shag the most recent one but I wanted to do it and he wasn’t expecting it in the slightest

Be careful and stay safe OP. This man is a complete stranger both withstanding the fact that you brought each other off over the he phone. He will expect sex. Make sure you want that too or cancel this date. If you go on the date make sure people know where you are and don't take him into your own home or agree to go to his home.

We've talked about lots of things, our jobs childhoods, etc messaging all day long, the sexting started just flirty texts on Friday. We'd already exchanged 100's of messages before then. Since this morning he has messaged me lots and we've not sexted since. Maybe I'm being very naive, but I really don't think he just wants sex. But I am nervous that I could be wrong. Ah this is all kinds of awkward now

This is why I would be careful as if he’s experienced in this he knows he needs to chat to you about normal things to lube you up emotionally into wanting sex. You can get a vibe from someone whether they enjoy your company or want you to be naked if they push you into something you wouldn’t usually do

Menora, this guy I met through POF, the other 2 guys where the messages are not sexual at all are from match which I pay a monthly subscription for,

But pre-meeting messaging creates a false sense of intimacy even without the sex talk.

I'm thinking I should cancel and stop talking to him. I do t want him to be expecting sex. I definitely want a relationship with someone not a casual thing

No way. It shows who he is, his behaviour, his intentions and his moral compass. He could be anyone. Surely not someone to have a meaningful, kind, loving and caring exclusive relationship with?

If you don't want that but a FWB then go ahead.

If you want someone decent then create firm boundaries. Find self respect, standards and a moral code.

Any sleazy texts or messaging...click off, delete.

Mucky phone call?...disconnect.

Wholesome guys don't act like the person you're talking about.

Pervs abound on the internet, please don't think it is normal behaviour.

Why not tell him you feel awkward, embarrassed and annoyed with yourself and see how he responds?
If you do decide to meet up make sure its in a very public place. Make sure too that you have your own transport or means of transport for getting home.
Don't take any risks OP.

Sexting before meeting usually means any relationship is dead in the water. I know this from painful experience. Several times. It took a few years of sorting myself out enough to know and assert some very healthy boundaries.