Sexting before you meet, is it ok?

[littlebirdieblue]

Well just that really. I'm trying OLD and chatting to some nice guys. Been on a few dates but they weren't for me. I've been chatting to this man for about 10 days now, will be meeting on Friday. The thing is that since last Friday we've been sexting a little and then this morning it was a lot and ended up him calling me on WhatsApp and we had phone sex. I really enjoyed it but I'm nervous now that this will make things awkward on Friday. I've only ever had 1 long term partner that I've sexted with before, and I just want to know if I have ruined the chance of us having anything more than just this? Sorry I'm rambling a little. I've told him my thoughts and he was saying not to worry, but I just don't know if it's ok to do this before you've even met?

Don't be so hard on yourself OP. I don't think it's ok to do before you meet someone but you got caught up in the whole thing. Let this be a learning process for you for the future. Regarding the date you've told him what you are looking for if he cancels you know that he's not for you if not maybe he just got carried away also. Although men can get carried away very easily

It's good that he rang you and discussed the issue. Go on the date, making sure that you've put the usual safety precautions in place (public spaces etc).
Have a good time and of course report back!

You'll probably find he's just after one thing. The sextets tend to be. And they'll never be happy with it being spontaneous, they'll badger constantly which kills any fun. I shut the convo down at the mere hint of it these days ....... Next!

Don't be hard on yourself. You've had a hard time and needed the ego boost.

I would cancel. He's still a stranger regardless of how nice he seems online/phone. Men lie and they are damn good at it. They know exactly what to say.

There are so many predators and married men online and they are magnets to inexperienced or feeling a bit insecure women.

Never doubt that you are desirable.

Remember that regardless of what any guy tells you, P is low value and abundant.

Read up on love bombing too so you can be aware of an instant soul mate and future faking with guys.

Have you skyped with him or video whatsapp with him so you know what he actually looks like? I'd require it of anyone before meeting.

Well I sexted someone for about a month before meeting and it was fun. I saw him and went out with him a few times and it was me that didn't want to continue. He still occasionally messages asking if I would like to go out with him.

Glad you've messaged him and he knows the score. Hope your date goes well and if it doesn't, it's no big deal.

I really don't think you should be flattered that he wanted to use you as a masturbatory device, I wouldn't be. There are phone lines which charge for that use.

BUT the feeling was mutual and you enjoyed it so I think you should judge him by your own standards and just see how it goes. Phone sex with strangers isn't for everyone but the ones who do indulge could still want serious relationships.

I met a chap online and sexted him... then we met up in a hotel for sex... and we hit it off, fell in love and are now married.

I don't think it is always a dealbreaker tbh. Just go into your meeting with low expectations and you may be pleasantly surprised.

Looks like some of you were right lovelies, he was trying to sext with me again on Monday, but I said I'd rather not, let's just see how things go on Friday. He kept trying though, which really put me off him and did make me think if he's like this just over texts and I'm saying no, how pushy would he be in RL. He was laughing it off and saying no problem, but since then I've heard nothing, and I'm kind of relieved. I haven't messaged him either to be fair but I'm glad. Lesson Learnt x

Onwards and upwards! At least you can now move onto some other men and avoid a repeat of this. Good job you didn’t get to the meeting stage with this one as he was clearly not being honest when you spoke to him.

Sorry to hear about your experience @littlebirdieblue OLD can be a brutal place. Why don't you join us on the OLD thread - we've seen it all, done it all, learned the lessons and can offer some great advice for almost any situation- pre, post or even during a date - loo updates are mandatory!

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3763350-Dating-thread-176-where-we-get-through-Christmas-with-team-carpark-updates

Oh that's sounds like a good thread to join thank you!

I've found some men on POF have wanted to talk about sexual things before meeting up. I take it as a red flag and won't do sexting or phone sex before meeting up as I'm looking for a relationship. It can be fun in a relationship but for me it's a bit awkward with a stranger.

I've been left for someone else too so I can understand how the attention was flattering. You seem lovely, hope you meet a goodun.

Thank you, I hope so too 😊
I'm actually going on a date tonight with a lovely man I met on match. Nervous but looking forward to it

Good luck @littlebirdieblue!!!

Thank you! I'm so nervous haha

Update us on tonight OP!

The date went really well, I like him a lot and I think he liked me too as he's asked if he can message me to arrange another date. Lots of good chat and lots of laughing so all good 😊

This basically ! And I think deep
Down you know this OP

Be prepared for him to buy you a drink and then expect you to go home to bed! Been there, learnt my lesson. Any sex talk before meeting generally means a bloke isn’t interested in anything serious

Well I was wrong ! Good stay happy

It was a different man fighting

I hate all
Men right now . I should keep
My bitterness away from OLD threads

Sorry OP

Oh, and there's are many thousands of smug marrieds on MN who think you shouldn't even go on a date till your dc are 21 let alone be off having sex with a man, worth bearing in mind when reading responses. This! Honestly there was a thread a while ago and the op described people like this as only having sex with their cardigans and slippers on in the dark and judging by this thread I think it's true!

I think you need to pause and ask yourself about who you want to be and how you want to behave as a single woman Change woman to man....I bet that's never been said to a single man. Women are allowed to be sexual beings too.

OP I'm glad you spoke to him and you're still going. If it doesn't work out enjoy it for what it was!

Sorry OP for some reason only 4 pages loaded so I didn't see the update. Still, don't feel bad about it. As evidenced on this thread plenty of people do this and end up in a long term relationship. It's honestly just luck.

Pleased the other date went well!!