Sexting before you meet, is it ok?

[littlebirdieblue]

Well just that really. I'm trying OLD and chatting to some nice guys. Been on a few dates but they weren't for me. I've been chatting to this man for about 10 days now, will be meeting on Friday. The thing is that since last Friday we've been sexting a little and then this morning it was a lot and ended up him calling me on WhatsApp and we had phone sex. I really enjoyed it but I'm nervous now that this will make things awkward on Friday. I've only ever had 1 long term partner that I've sexted with before, and I just want to know if I have ruined the chance of us having anything more than just this? Sorry I'm rambling a little. I've told him my thoughts and he was saying not to worry, but I just don't know if it's ok to do this before you've even met?

Highly dangerous! How do you know you are not talking to a dangerous person?

I think it'll be super awkward. Imagine meeting him and not fancying him at all, which is what happens 90% of the time with OLD, and him just being desperate for a shag.

I've messaged this to him

Hey, I’ve been thinking about this whole sexting thing, and I’m feeling a bit awkward and not sure now. I think it’s setting the tone too soon. I’m looking for a meaningful relationship and I’m thinking we are probably not on the same page. I’m sorry

God, the moral judgements in this thread!

Op the main danger is the possibility of severely cringey awkwardness if you don't have chemistry with him when you meet.

So what if he wants sex with you? What do you want? If you like him, then give it a shot. If you don't, you've only invested a week of messages and a fun phone call. It's not a big deal, it really isn't.

I've sexted with a guy before meeting and then he backed out a few days before our date. Did he just use me for a wank? Meh, maybe. I don't really care. There are plenty of guys out there, better suited to me than he was.

I'd just make a rule for yourself going forward - meet first, before any overt flirting happens. You both swiped right - you both know you like the look of each other. Hoping for eventual sex is no surprise, is it!

I'm thinking I should cancel and stop talking to him. I do t want him to be expecting sex. I definitely want a relationship with someone not a casual thing

Maybe he does to - go and meet him!

@pallasathena ....this. You’ve got some harsh responses OP. You’ve not drowned a kitten FFS. Sexting is not something I’ve done but don’t beat yourself up. Sounds like you are learning the ropes with regards to online dating. As others have said - he might be expecting RL sex, he might not - but stay in public places and see how it feels on the date. If he comes across creepy, block and move on and see this as a learning experience.

No way. It shows who he is, his behaviour, his intentions and his moral compass. He could be anyone. Surely not someone to have a meaningful, kind, loving and caring exclusive relationship with?

And what about OP?

I think I'm overthinking this, he just rang me and said there is no expectations, he knows that when we actually meet that we might not have an attraction. He said that he is not expecting us to jump into bed together and that he is looking for a meaningful relationship too.

He suggested we cool off the sexting and still wants to still meet on Friday and see how things go. We are meeting in town and after the conversation I think I will still go.

Sounds good to me, op. Just see how it goes! It's only a drink, after all.

OP , the problem with chatting to people online etc is its difficult to get to know the real person , its very easy for them to be the person you want them to be.Its a lesson learned to be very cautious I know a man who has had countless online and phone 'relationships' he has no intention of meeting any of them ..its just a cheap wank

Chances are he will cancel the meeting

Dont blame yourself OP they are very skilled at this

Go for it OP. Neither of you have done anything wrong in getting a little carried away. You may just be lucky and find the spark is there in real life too. Stay safe and good luck 😉

Well if he cancels he cancels, I won't have lost anything. I'm just going to go, hopefully have a nice evening, if not I can just chalk it up to experience 🤷‍♀️

What the fuck is with all this moral compass stuff and moralising bullshit about sexually incontinent behaviour everywhere and people having lost all self respect?

I think I have landed on Prudesnet.

I'd think he would only want sex

I was going to have suggested to contact him to re-set expectations and I see you have .Enjoy the date

When I used to do OLD pre DH if the guy ever got too flirty/sexual I used to pie it off straight away as it was obvious that that’s all they were after! So many creeps out there it’s unreal!

Oh fgs. You fancy each other!! It’s totally normal.

Blokes wank over ANYTHING. Don’t over think it

Just go, but see how you feel. I suspect he will try to get you to have sex with him op. He may think he can talk you into that. If you want to go for it, but if you don't don't.

Just have a think about your boundaries. I suspect what happened with the phone sex is you felt flattered and wanted to feel wanted and are easily persuaded . The same thing may happen on the date. He may know this or he may genuinely be a nice man. Who knows, but do have your guard up so you're not on here sat morning upset you had sex with him

How old are you both? You could still meet but before that make it clear you will both be going home in separate taxis. If he's happy with that then he may turn out to be a decent guy. Maybe he was thinking like you...nobody will be interested and was loving the attention?

Meh. Go and meet him. It'll either be a good date or it won't 🤷‍♀️

I'm 45 he's 49

I agree it’s ok to go, and actually he’s taken it well. Just make sure you don’t feel like he’s pushing your boundaries and don’t do anything you are not comfortable with!

Don't worry OP.
You didn't send explicit videos, pictures or anything else that can hurt you later.
You're entitled to have some fun. If you feel uncomfortable meeting him, then don't!
If you want to go and have some fun, just be safe!! You're more than entitled to enjoy yourself.

Perhaps say to him, if it's just sex you want - let's call it quits. If not, go ahead.
Don't be scaremongered, that's the last thing you need.

He says he is 49, so that makes him, what? 53?

Stop beating yourself up OP. See it as fun, you said you enjoyed it so if nothing else comes of it then you had a bit of phone sex and a boost to your esteem.
Go meet him, make it clear beforehand that sex isn't on the cards right now. If he loses interest then so be it. Don't take it personally. It might work out, it might not. Make sure you're safe at all times and have fun.