Apologies for the long post....I'm after some insight into something that is starting to really bug me in my marriage. I'm mentioning a few examples of a pattern has been going on for over 6 months now. It seems more and more that my husband and is kind and caring in public and distant and cold in private.
Background. We've been together 9 years and I have a long term medical condition, Epilepsy, which causes a great deal of stress for him as it has periods of seeming to be under control and then periods of 4+ seizures a week (which is the stage I am at now).
I am also recovering from a stress fracture of my heel bone caused by increasing my gym workout load too quickly (although I didn't know about stress fractures and the causes of them until I injured myself).
When DH and I are in public and people ask how my Epilepsy is at the moment and more recently what I've done to my foot etc, he's been supportive, sympathetic and caring. He helps with practical things as I'm on crutches at the moment and need a little assistance here and there, carrying things etc.
The couple of times I have had a seizure in public and he has been called by strangers who have found me (I wear a medical alert bracelet) he has rushed to me from work or wherever he has been and sat and held my hand, caressing my face, being affectionate and caring towards me especially when I have injured myself and strangers have called an ambulance.
As soon as we have been home, he's been distant, cold and snapping at me for days.
In the summer, I fell off my bike and ended up upside down in a ditch in a nest of stinging nettles and thistles with my bike on top of me. No one was around and I managed to gradually pull myself up (not easy with a bike on top of you). I felt sore all over having fallen against a concrete pillar on my way down and was covered in stings & scratches so I sent DH a text telling him what had happened and asking him if he could please pick me up. I realised it was 10mins before the end of his work day but they are incredibly understanding and fine with him leaving slightly early as long as he goes in early to make the time up and this was the first time I ever asked him for something to do with me.
He didnt leave work until 15 mins after his normal finish time, got to me with a look of thunder on his face, hardly said a thing except "get in" (to the car) and ignored me the rest of the day. Not once did he ask how I was nor in the days that followed and when I finally asked him what held him up at work, he said nothing, he just didn't see what the hurry was. (He only ever works late if hes making time up or stuck on a phone call).
When I have had seizures at home he later makes negative comments which make me feel like he thinks I've been letting the family down. Yesterday's examples "it's not as if you've been there for DS this week" and "well you can't exactly look after him can you?".
Last Friday, the day after I found out I had broken my heel bone, I was tired and in pain and had spent the day making and decorating our DS birthday cake (no excuse but a contributing factor) I said it was frustrating when I was struggling to carry things being on crutches that he hadn't put the shopping away when he brought it home and instead left it out on the kitchen side (he'd gone and sat down and was playing a racing game on his phone) he snapped at me (I probably deserved being snapped at given I wasnt exactly nice in my tone) and started swearing and said "its your own fault you're injured so quit moaning" then shouted he was fed up with all this s**t walked out the door and drove off for hours.
Sorry, this post has ended up being way longer than I thought it would be.
AIBU to be annoyed/worried by this all or just overly sensitive?