How do I tell my boss?

[NutButterz]

Due to be at a work conference the week after next. My P has trust issues which has resulted him booking a hotel nearby to the conference and me having to stay there with him instead of staying with my colleagues and joining in the Christmas party.

It's not mandatory to stay for the evening but my boss knows it's too far for me to travel home and back again for the 2nd part.

Trust issues are not my fault and I intend to get through Christmas and deal with the situation then. I fully understand it's not right. However how do I tell my boss I will be disappearing after the meeting and my colleagues will be wondering where I've gone?

I have to agree with the others, can I suggest that you write down a list of the pros and cons of staying until after Christmas, as opposed to breaking things off after Christmas. I’m afraid it’s only too common for women in abusive relationships to say It will just hold onto Christmas, only for Christmas to come and for the woman to be too afraid to break up the relationship. So they say - I will just hold on until Easter, then Summer, then before you know it, the abuse is escalating and that woman is trapped and too scared to even attempt leaving.

Thankfully, you have not moved in together, what would you do though, if you came in from work one day and he had moved all his things into your home? Would you be trapped?

Do you have family or friends nearby who can come over and be in the house with you when you end things? I would listen very carefully to the story of @CosmoK‘s Mum. There had been no previous violence, only control and jealousy which sounds very like your partner. CosmoK’s Mum lost her life due to the violent act of a controlling partner.

No matter when you split, please be so careful!

OP like I said earlier. Ignore posts telling you not to bring this into your work, unprofessional etc bollocks. Nonsense.

Tell your boss about the whole (sadly ridiculous) hotel thing. They will understand if they're decent human beings.

Good luck.

I've contacted my hr to find out if there is a policy or what we can do regarding domestic abuse. I'll see what they can do to support. I'm just worried about it being common knowledge. Thankfully he's not here tonight so I can try and relax.

I've contacted my hr to find out if there is a policy or what we can do regarding domestic abuse.

Glad to hear it OP.. I hope they can help you.

I've contacted my hr to find out if there is a policy or what we can do regarding domestic abuse. I'll see what they can do to support. I'm just worried about it being common knowledge. Thankfully he's not here tonight so I can try and relax.

I hope HR can help. I think the Police would be more appropriate

I’m not sure what your workplace can do about domestic abuse. They will be understanding of course and it will be good to keep them informed if you believe it will impact on you at work, but there are other organisations much better suited to helping you with this.

I know you are in a really tough spot and are maybe struggling to see this rationally. You are in an abusive relationship, work can’t help you get out of it and you are struggling to leave.

He’s not there, phone a helpline tonight.

Why wait till January to end things? He is a nightmare. I hate to be controlled. You are an adult please don't put up with his insecurities and control.

Tell your boss the whole truth,I'm sure they will support you, then plan leaving him after Christmas write it down so it's all planned out less stress for you change locks change number etc etc big hugs OP

How are you this week?

Why does it matter if it becomes common knowledge? It's him who is the problem, not you. Tell everyone you know - abuse thrives on secrecy. My BiL is being divorced by SiL for his controlling behaviour and decades long use of prostitutes. I tell everybody because I refuse to keep his dirty secrets. Your P needs to see that he's not the Big I Am that he thinks he is.

nutbutterz what happened? Have you got rid of him? I truly hope so, I also hope you are ok!

I hope you got out of this relationship OP.

How long have you been with your P? Sounds a horrendous situation to be in. I hope you manage to make plans to remove yourself from this dreadful situation.
I would tell my boss and see what he says.
I’d rather stay with my colleagues and not pander to his issues.
Good luck.

Hi op are you ok? It’s hard to break away from an abusive relationship, if you have started to well done Keep going one day at a time.. if you haven’t then you haven’t failed you still have today find the power.