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Original poster

Am I in the wrong thinking he shouldn't be doing this?

132 replies

Pollypocket89 · 04/12/2019 20:43

Tell me if I'm wrong. My husband works with a woman who also runs her own lingerie company. It's a home based low scale bespoke type thing and she models her own stuff.

My husband follows her on social media and she regularly posts stories in her underwear and he views them

Am I wrong to find this really inappropriate, to knowingly look at someone you work with in their underwear? I don't mind him seeing lingerie ads etc but it feels very different that it's a woman he sees every day

OP posts:
sableandI · 07/12/2019 14:25

I wouldn't be happy about my dp doing this. It would make me feel insecure and quite jealous that he's looking at his friend in lingerie

slipperywhensparticus · 07/12/2019 14:26

Is he viewing to buy or just viewing?

Original poster
Pollypocket89 · 07/12/2019 15:04

He's not buying anything, but there is normal stuff too. Photos of her life in general

OP posts:
Chamomileteaplease · 07/12/2019 15:12

So he goes into work every day, having the evening before seen lots of pictures of his colleague in her underwear??

Weird, not pervy but definitely sexual. I would have to ask him to stop. I would feel that was extremely disrespectful to me.

ChorleyFMcominginyourears · 07/12/2019 15:13

If I posted stories in my underwear and a Male colleague watched every single one (which she will also know as it tells you who's watched I believe) I would be thinking that this guy fancied me and if I was creeped out by it I would stop him from being able to see. To me the fact she knows hes looking and that their relationship at work has been questioned would have me on edge, I wouldn't be happy at all and I'm laid back about male/female friendships etc. I wouldn't do anything that would make my husband uncomfortable and vice versa, it's just basic respect for your marriage.

Original poster
Pollypocket89 · 07/12/2019 15:41

*So he goes into work every day, having the evening before seen lots of pictures of his colleague in her underwear??

Weird, not pervy but definitely sexual*

Is it definitely? I don't know how many pictures, I think one but I'm not sure. Why are you making the distinction between not pervy

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Sandals19 · 07/12/2019 16:32

If my partner regularly looked at a woman he knows posting pics of her in her underwear, I would not be happy. I would ask him to stop. They would not like it if you were doing it with a man you know.

Sandals19 · 07/12/2019 16:41

And she sounds majorly attention seeking,

Actually not very professional. I doubt someone who's true interest focus was the "clothing"/craftsmanship/skill etc would use only herself to model. There are bound to be other women of varying sizes, loiks etc who would be happy to model. But she only ever uses her pics, with "stories" .. sounds do exhibitionist, naval gazing and attention seeking. Your DH should have more sense than to follow her so consistently (or at all).

Original poster
Pollypocket89 · 07/12/2019 17:48

I know this probably sounds a bit odd but criticising the woman makes me really uncomfortable. Any issue I have is not with her

OP posts:
Sandals19 · 07/12/2019 18:01

I find her attention seeking etc but I understand what you're saying (and think you're very fair minded and reasonable in that).

To reiterate my other point - no, wouldnt be one bit comfortable with this (and I doubt your DH would be with the reverse).

SoloJazz · 07/12/2019 18:26

Maybe start following men wearing sexy underwear and see what he thinks...
On a serious note, I kicked off about a similar thing with my husband. It made me feel disrespected, especially because the woman in question knew he was married. He got off Instagram voluntarily.

Tooner · 07/12/2019 19:34

Request to follow her too OP then you can have lovely uncomfortable conversations with him about her sleazy 'pictures of the day'. As him which outfit he prefers, would he like you to buy some from her. Make him squirm....what he is doing is not innocent.

Original poster
Pollypocket89 · 07/12/2019 19:35

Part of me is thinking even if there wasn't any lingerie photos, I do wonder what impression watching every single thing gives as you said, she can see.

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SoloJazz · 07/12/2019 19:41

It gives an impression he behaves like a single man

Dislocatedeyeballs · 07/12/2019 20:20

Basically he is watching cos what man wouldn't but he works with her knows her and has you as a partner so if he has any respect at all he will understand your feelings and delete her from his social media why does he need to be online friends with someone he sees every day tell him how you feel and ask him to delete her its one thing looking at women in underwear its quite another when you see them all the time and have a partner and don't actually but the underwear for the partner I would be irritated and ask him to delete its not unreasonable at all.

Sunflower20 · 07/12/2019 23:26

How pervy and disrespectful. I’d be extremely uncomfortable with that.

littlepurple · 08/12/2019 09:07

How do you know he watches every single video? And how do you know he's actively clicking on them to watch them rather than them just coming up as they do when you're watching the stories? Also how many followers does she have? If it's many I doubt she's checking through to make sure your husband has viewed her story, she might not even be aware.

I dunno if it's right or wrong that this bothers you but perhaps you're building it up into more than it is. If I had a colleague or friend posting nearly naked pictures I'd want to have a look! Would you be bothered about it if you didn't find her attractive? You're obviously a bit jealous. Whether rightly or wrongly, who knows? Looking isn't harming anyone. How would you feel if it was someone he doesn't know?

Original poster
Pollypocket89 · 08/12/2019 09:18

I really don't get the comparison a few have made. To me it's obviously not the same as a stranger he'll never meet or seeing a random underwear advert to a woman he literally sees and interacts with daily

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Original poster
Pollypocket89 · 08/12/2019 09:20

And because I've seen him do it. You actively have to watch a story as opposed to a passive scroll through a feed

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Lozzerbmc · 08/12/2019 09:26

If its just a colleague then she shouldnt follow her. I think its inappropriate. Slightly weird of her to model own underwear...

littlepurple · 08/12/2019 10:02

You actively have to watch a story as opposed to a passive scroll through a feed

You only need to click on the next available story though and then it will scroll through all new stories available

It is a bit weird that every time you're watching him on his phone he actively seeks out her story to click on and watch. Surely if it was a weird or pervy thing he'd do it when he's alone?

littlepurple · 08/12/2019 10:04

To me it's no different to seeing friends or colleagues you're following on SM in holiday snaps to be fair.

Mermaidsinthesand · 08/12/2019 10:13

What's the difference between watching a video of a woman he knows in underwear or someone he doesn't?

Just because he knows her doesn't stop him fancying her any less than someone he doesn't know. If he is going to cheat he will do it anyway but I personally see no difference

thespellhasbeenbroken123 · 08/12/2019 10:28

You can mute people's post and/or stories on Instagram
Get him to mute her stories
If he won't then....

Original poster
Pollypocket89 · 08/12/2019 10:55

I don't want to have to even ask... I want him to just know and I guess that in itself is my issue

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