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Original poster

Am I in the wrong thinking he shouldn't be doing this?

132 replies

Pollypocket89 · 04/12/2019 20:43

Tell me if I'm wrong. My husband works with a woman who also runs her own lingerie company. It's a home based low scale bespoke type thing and she models her own stuff.

My husband follows her on social media and she regularly posts stories in her underwear and he views them

Am I wrong to find this really inappropriate, to knowingly look at someone you work with in their underwear? I don't mind him seeing lingerie ads etc but it feels very different that it's a woman he sees every day

OP posts:
Original poster
Pollypocket89 · 05/12/2019 12:35

Holiday photos aren't regular and it's not that he's not allowed, like I've said

OP posts:
Subzerohero · 05/12/2019 12:40

I wouldn’t be impressed either

Aridane · 05/12/2019 12:56

Do her employers know and / or mind that this woman runs a 2nd business and poses semi naked with work colleagues viewing ? My employers would give a warnin and then dismiss!

Original poster
Pollypocket89 · 05/12/2019 13:48

Why Aridane? She's not doing anything wrong and it's on her personal account that's private

OP posts:
Aridane · 05/12/2019 13:56

Why Aridane? She's not doing anything wrong and it's on her personal account that's private

  1. she is running her own business. Where I work, you cannot have a 2nd job or run your own business

  2. we also have a social media policy at work. Don't recall the exact terms as I don't do social media but am pretty sure posing semi naked offends that policy

However, your DH's place of work may be ,ore relaxed about this

Puzzledandpissedoff · 05/12/2019 14:00

he's been questioned as to if they are more than friendly at work ... he told me he was questioned about it so I wouldn't hear any other way and think it was true

Sounds like getting his version in first to me - and sorry, but how do you "know it's not true" that they're anything more than just friendly?

Gut instincts are there for a reason, and in your position my flashing warning lights would be going off like crazy

Original poster
Pollypocket89 · 05/12/2019 16:41

I think he finds her attractive but i know he loves me

I'm not really concerned about the social media policy lol she can do whatever she likes and isn't doing anything wrong

OP posts:
Groovinpeanut · 05/12/2019 18:15

It wouldn't bother me if my husband did this. If a guy wants to look at women in undies etc they will. Either with your knowledge, or behind your back. I think if you have trust in your relationship and feel secure then this kind of thing doesn't really feature.
It does seem a bit odd that she tells stories in her undies Grin
I'd just roll your eyes and laugh at this situation OP. As you've said you know your husband loves you.

ferrier · 05/12/2019 18:58

I also think it's a bit of a stretch that a man who sees pictures of a woman in underwear on his FB or Insta feed is going to be wanking over them Hmm

Dery · 06/12/2019 13:41

I think the range of responses shows that the answer has to be based on how this makes you feel. But I’m with you, OP - I would be very uncomfortable with this because she is a colleague - I would feel the same if it were a friend. It’s not the same as the odd bikini pic from holiday. Women do go about in public (albeit on beaches) in bikinis but they don’t go about in their underwear. And it’s not the same as it being someone he doesn’t know. So for me there are distinctions. The comment about being spoken to at work is interesting - sounds like a line may have become a bit blurred. But it was honest of him to share that with you as there was presumably no other way for you to know about that. Have you asked how he would feel if positions were reversed? If it’s making you uncomfortable, surely he can stop? Surely being able to view and like her underwear posts isn’t more important than your feelings?

Original poster
Pollypocket89 · 06/12/2019 21:41

She posts up to 10 stories a day and he watches them all, I was waiting for responses on this thread before I brought it up properly. I don't feel overly comfortable

OP posts:
Dery · 06/12/2019 22:16

Good luck with the discussion.

Sandals19 · 06/12/2019 22:52

Start following a young hot make fitness model on SM - if your oh asks why, say he's a trainer at your gym (you're going to have to join a gym if you're not a member Grin) who models as his other job and you're just supporting him etc.

Like, watch everything if his.

If you oh has the slightest objection answer why/but why to every thing he says. He'll soon be supplying you with every argument as to why he shouldn't be doing it with his (I agree with the other poster who said exhibitionist who could easily get other models) work colleague.

Sandals19 · 06/12/2019 22:52

*male

MsDogLady · 07/12/2019 03:32

Up to 10 stories a day? Yes, he wants to look. He watches excessively everyday and then sees/interacts with her at work. They both know that he knows how she looks under her clothes. He is crossing a boundary. Out of respect for you, he needs to cease this sleazy behavior and unfollow her.

It is also troubling that they are suspected of being too close. He preempted your being told by someone else so that he could put his spin on it.

GiveHerHellFromUs · 07/12/2019 04:51

I think I misunderstood how often these posts are. Is her instagram predominantly her in under with other stuff posted occasionally? I read it as being the other way around. If it's that often I change my stance and it's weird because he's following to see her in her underwear.

If people at work are commenting they've clearly crossed a line at some juncture.

Original poster
Pollypocket89 · 07/12/2019 04:54

Its more normal stuff, what she's doing or music etc than lingerie, yes. I just find watching that many no matter how bored you are might give her the wrong impression too

OP posts:
Original poster
Pollypocket89 · 07/12/2019 04:57

**They both know that he knows how she looks under her clothes. He is crossing a boundary

Please elaborate there how that changes things? Insomnia not helping concentration skills!

OP posts:
MsDogLady · 07/12/2019 07:30

After seeing her in her lingerie the first time, he has checked every story, up to 10 times a day. She is “regularly” in a state of undress, so it stands to reason that he is looking for that. She knows that he is repeatedly checking and looking, and that adds a more personal layer to their interactions. In my marriage, all of this would be crossing a line. It would be a breach of trust.

I hope that you have questioned him about the suspicions at work. Do you know who spoke to him and what led to their suspicions? I doubt that they were pulled out of thin air, and I would try to get to the bottom of it.

Meneenamenana · 07/12/2019 08:05

How do you know he watched every story? Are you checking his phone?

DBML · 07/12/2019 12:11

I’d probably be upset too. Mainly because another woman who worked with my husband, would know that he was ‘checking her out all the time’...if you know what I mean.

I’m the sort who tackles fire with fire though. My response would be to start taking sexy pics of myself for Instagram and all the men I work with, or at least threaten it. “What do you think of these sexy knickers DH? They’re for my Instagram”. I’d give him a taste of what it’s like to be on the other side.

Obviously if it really isn’t a problem, he’d have no issue with you doing the same.

And whilst I don’t tell my husband not to do anything, I would ask him not to.

“It hurts that you look at and like photos of your colleague in her underwear. I can’t stop you doing this, but I feel it is damaging our relationship and I’d like you to consider unfollowing her to concentrate on us.”

Ringdonna · 07/12/2019 13:06

Are you jealous of her?

Original poster
Pollypocket89 · 07/12/2019 13:39

Jealous in what sense?

OP posts:
CandyFlossSkies · 07/12/2019 14:23

If he knows her at work, then yes, it's reasonable that you feel this way!

RJoneszy · 07/12/2019 14:24

I wouldn't be happy OP.