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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Guy I was chatting to on whatsapp just disappeared !

302 replies

AL75 · 04/12/2019 11:18

For a month now I was chatting on phone and messaging a guy I met online. Twice we had to postpone meeting due to ill health either he was not well or I was not well. Our last contact was last Thursday night and I have heard nothing since then, it's now been 6 days. I have noticed the last time he was on whatsapp was the last time he messaged me so he isn't communicating with anyone on whatsapp. He definitely has not blocked me as I can see his online status and no reason for him to stop contact as we were getting on extremely well. I called 2 days ago twice and went straight to voicemail. I have no idea if something tragic has happened to him and no way of finding out. I don't know what to think anymore as this is quite uncharacteristic of him to do this. It has been now 6 days which is very unusual for him not to get in touch. At the beginning I was angry that he wasn't going on whatsapp not reading my messages but now it looks like he isn't using his phone completely and am now worried and extremely sad that it looks like it's come to an end. If he was physically able to, he could log on to dating site he found me on from pc and message me that way but he hasn't and not answering to mail from site that I am sending. I don't know what to think. Every morning he used to whatsapp me good morning or every other morning around 5.45 am before he went on his morning run and am worried something happened last Friday when I heard nothing. I feel so devastated 😔

OP posts:
happycamper11 · 05/12/2019 11:01

Oh and the ghosters/fake accounts are ALWAYS property developers

Windmillwhirl · 05/12/2019 11:03

Yes happycamper11 because it's slightly more believable than 'pilot'

WatchingTheMoon · 05/12/2019 11:15

Where are the harsh replies? People are just being straight with her. Do you honestly think it's better to say 'ohhhhh maybe he could be possibly in hospital hun, maybe ring them round and see, or yeeee maybe he lost his phone babe."

The OP is being incredibly naive. Anyone can see that. And frankly I'd rather people just pointed that out than give her false hope.

What the hell is with all the tone policing here these days? Are ladies not allowed to say anything without people telling them to 'be nice' and 'be polite'? I don't see this crap on male-dominated sites. People just accept that men can speak how they want, but women always have to remember their manners at all times. Ludicrous.

Zoflorabore · 05/12/2019 11:23

I would love to see how this pans out.

I very recently met my new man on Twitter by complete accident. We live in the same city and carried our conversations on WhatsApp. We had met within 4 days despite several “issues” and have been pretty much inseparable since.
If someone wants to see you op then they would do. Please try and see this from an outsider point of view. It’s bordering on obsessive.

RLOU30 · 05/12/2019 11:24

@WatchingTheMoon

I wasn’t referring to the straight talking. I even said so at the bottom of my message. What is completely unnecessary is the bunch of posters in the first few pages mobbing up talking about fairytales him shining his armour and “make sure your wearing a nice dress every day” it isn’t clever it’s just fucking nasty but each to their own.
As to “policing”, just as you are all welcome to post your hilarious offerings I am allowed to express my dissatisfaction of them. Don’t know where your going with the man comment very weird.

WatchingTheMoon · 05/12/2019 11:39

rl See, there you go again. I say something and you say it's 'weird'.

Just let people say their thing, you don't need to tell them how to talk, we're all adults here.

You speak in your way, let others speak in theirs, you're not the teacher.

RLOU30 · 05/12/2019 11:46

Excuse me @watching but if your telling me I wouldn’t have said the same thing if it were a man commented (which is basically what you said- literally out of the blue) I have every right to pull you up on it.

Maybe you should practice what you preach.

WatchingTheMoon · 05/12/2019 11:51

Sure ya would.

dottiedodah · 05/12/2019 12:13

I think it is easy to construct a certain image in our head of someone who could tick all the boxes ,but in RL probably is quite different from what we think! Maybe he lives with his Cousin ,maybe not .Same with the Building Co .So he just takes over a property Development Co from DF?! No working 9 /5 in a shitty job! Hes cancelled dates due to illness ?I think you may have to accept hes seems to have gone cold .Maybe he was in a relationship break ? or met someone else or most likely married or in LTP ! Move on and find someone more sincere

QueenOfOversharing · 05/12/2019 12:44

I have googled and nothing came up.

Did you really do this? With a guy you've never met? 😬

I'm not being mean or harsh, but seriously, look at your behaviour - it's not indicative of a rational, secure attachment type.

Whether he has a different SIM, a new number, has been abducted by aliens, or is in a coma, move on. You never met. Chalk it up to a fun thing that happened & fgs take a break from OLD.

IToldYouIWasFreaky · 05/12/2019 12:53

Did you really do this? With a guy you've never met?

This is actually really good practice when OLD! I used to Google anyone I was due to meet, find out as much as I could on social media etc to make sure they were who they said they were.
It often proved to be a very worthwhile exercise...

Twickerhun · 05/12/2019 12:54

wouldn’t a property developer have a big online presence?

QueenOfOversharing · 05/12/2019 12:56

@IToldYouIWasFreaky but you didn't do it to find out if he was in an accident! That's quite a different intention. And at my old age I have OLD'ed a lot - I have never once googled to check if they had died when I hadn't heard for a few days. It's not normal behaviour.

Windmillwhirl · 05/12/2019 13:15

Googling before meeting is the done thing, given there are so many fakes onlinw. This guy is just another.

Of course as a property developer he'd have an online presence.

Op, you believed he was who he said. I know it hurts but I'm sure you will be more wary in future and that's no bad thing. Take care.

NaturalHighlights · 05/12/2019 13:19

#hesjustnotthatintoyou

Sorry OP.

Time to delete the messages and move on. Don’t waste your time on someone who’d behave like this Flowers Wine

IToldYouIWasFreaky · 05/12/2019 13:23

Queen, tbh I probably would have Googled him in the OP's situation as I hate being ghosted and would want to know why!
However, I agree that the OP is not now being at all rational and needs to accept that the most likely thing is that he's just not interested or married and move on.

DancingPyjamas · 05/12/2019 13:40

They're nearly always...
Pilots.
Project Managers.
Property Developers.

Yet, they're almost always online Hmm

MrsHairyPoppins · 05/12/2019 14:18

Some rather gleeful comments on here.

It's as if a bomb on schadenfreude exploded.

MrsHairyPoppins · 05/12/2019 14:29

*of

QueenOfOversharing · 05/12/2019 14:34

@IToldYouIWasFreaky really? That to me seems so odd! Grin I look for a guy's online presence on SM, but googling the news to see if something has happened sounds like budget straight-to-tv film nonsense!

Windmillwhirl · 05/12/2019 14:38

The op wouldn't accept he ghosted her, hence why people may have suggested googling. Most people would accept it as ghosting without too much questioning

forumdonkey · 05/12/2019 16:54

We tell our children about stranger danger online and that how they don't know who you're talking to, yet here we have a woman and mother who is obsessed and concerned about a person who she has never met and knows nothing about.

OP the talk you have with your DC about online safety you really need to apply it to yourself.

Stop emotionally investing in men you don't know. For all you know he might look the love child of Donald Trump and Boris Johnson, with the charm and etiquette to match.

NameChangeNugget · 05/12/2019 17:07

Did you come down in the last shower?

Iwishyoyuwell · 05/12/2019 17:15

Who is his phone provider?
Ie O2 , E , giffgaff ?

TinManc · 05/12/2019 20:43

Of course as a property developer he'd have an online presence.
If you look hard enough there's probably a YouTube clip of him on Homes Under The Hammer. Wink

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