Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband is preparing for "end of world"

268 replies

Keira8 · 02/12/2019 11:27

This is my first thread. I am so unsure on how to even start with my issue....well I think it's an issue. Very confused!
I have been with my Husband for 19 years, married for 13. Have 3 wonderful daughters aging between 11 years and 6 years. I was very much besotted with my husband, but over the past few years he has changed, and I honestly don't know what to do.
Whilst I was pregnant with my youngest, my husband started to tell me that within 6 months a world war was going to happen, and so we had to store as much food as possible so that we could survive. 6 months went past, nothing happened, then the date changed and we had to carry on storing food and essentials. I was on maternity leave and couldn't afford this extra "just in case" food.
Then a year later, he brought a weapon (I have no clue where it is kept) incase we get attacked!
Basically from this, it has gone from bad to worse. I have tried for years to get him to see a doctor, but he thinks I am mad for not believing him. He constantly sends me videos on how the terrorist attacks are in fact propaganda, and the government are doing this to scare us!
He doesn't talk to me, he preaches and belittles me about it.
He now tells our eldest about what he believes, and I am worried its affecting her. I am on anti-depressants, and I now think he is the reason.
I have fallen out of love with him, but in his state I am worried leaving him will send him over the edge. I haven't been happy for a long time now, but have always tried talking to him and sorting our issues out. I feel like I am the bad person, as I honestly believes he needs help, and I don't want my girls being raised in an broken home.
Has anyone else ever had this situation? I feel so alone. I am always walking on egg shells with him. Not sure how much more I can take. x

OP posts:
VenusTiger · 02/12/2019 16:01

@Keira8 turning violent against you and kids as some have suggested might happen, isn’t about violence OP, it’s not about whether he’s ever hurt you in the past - he thinks he’s saving you, he’ll think by doing this, it’s protecting you all.
Anyway, onto the weapons, I don’t understand something OP - he says terrorism is government propaganda, that it’s not a threat, not real - so why the weapons? That doesn’t even add up.

ChaiNashta · 02/12/2019 16:04

Having a family member suffering from paranoia does affect the children. It's frightening. As some pp have said it's like walking on eggshells. It can cause life long anxiety issues and a constant fear that they or their future children might be the next ones to succumb to the same MH illness. It also affects their future relationships and their ability to handle stressful situations or careers. They are being damaged already.

itzybitzy · 02/12/2019 16:05

@Plages I was going to say something similar. I grew up with a very paranoid father who believed everyone was "out to get him". Listening to his ramblings as a child has deeply affected me and still does to this day. I'm now a very paranoid person myself and have to try every day to not let these thoughts get the best of me.
Op please get your children away from him for their mental health as well as their safety.

Mary1935 · 02/12/2019 16:06

Hi OP I’m sure you are scared. He sounds unwell. His behaviour has escalated recently - he’s bought weapons - what if it escalates again.
Does he work? Does he have other family members he can speak to about this.
There is a Hearing Voices network you could call and have a chat with.
They are not under mental health services.
For someone to be detained under the mental health act they need to be a danger to themselves or others. It’s very hard if the person doesn’t think they are ill.
Try and not engage in conversations or say “that must be worrying for you” “I’m not having the same experiences” “what does he make of it all”
You really do need to think about the impact on your children What if one of them goes into school and repeats something. Maybe it will get you the help you need.
You need to protect your children.
Have you family you can talk too.
You could excercise your rights under the mental health act too.

Mary1935 · 02/12/2019 16:07

Yes look up Hearing Voices Network - it’s for delusions and paranoia too.
🌺

MaudBaileysGreenTurban · 02/12/2019 16:09

OP, I never usually on relationship threads but your posts have given me goosebumps.

Please believe those posters who have personal experience of what happens when people with severe mental ill-health decide that those with whom they are 'besotted' - their children, their spouses, their grandchildren - need protecting, permanently, from an evil and dangerous world.

When my mother's paranoid schizophrenia was at its worst, the focus of her delusions was my toddler son. It was precisely because she loved him so much that she harboured the thoughts she did about him. That situation thankfully didn't ended in tragedy, but it could easily have done.

Please leave him, the stakes are too high to stay.

SirChing · 02/12/2019 16:14

The Hearing Voices Network is great........for the future. They cannot help to keep the OP and her children safe NOW.

To do that, OP needs to contact a) the Police to discuss weapons and b) Social Care Direct to have her partner assessed under the Mental Health Act.

The police may well be the best initial port of call due to the presence of weapons. They need to be made safe first.

OP, I know it would be so tempting to think "he would never do that, I know him, these online people don't" and just try to persuade him to go to the GP.

He is too unwell for that. Someone as unwell as he is thinks and believes that they are perfectly well. He will not accept he needs help. His delusions prevent this.

You really need to put your kids safety first. Lots of us working on mental health have seen this before and know what could happen. You have a duty to protect your kids. If you don't, despite knowing you should, then you could also be seen as being unsafe for them. So sorry OP.

Mrsmadevans · 02/12/2019 16:25

OP l am so sorry but l think your DH sounds as if he needs sectioning . You must keep yourself and your DC safe. Have you any family you can confide in they may be able to help .

TheSilveryPussycat · 02/12/2019 16:33

I had a friend who during a delusional breakdown tried to put her children out of the window to keep them safe. (Thankfully the window was too small.) Not long after that she was sectioned, and recovered in hospital.

Bluebutterfly90 · 02/12/2019 16:37

As much as you don't think your husband would hurt you or your children, he's a mentally unstable man with weapons in your house that you don't know where they are.

I would suggest getting in contact with Women's Aid and maybe some mental health charities in order to get help to leave.
Nobody thinks it's going to happen to them until it does, so I wouldn't chance it.

I'm sure it's not an easy thing to think about, but a person who thinks an end of the world crisis is imminent is not a safe person to be around.

7Days · 02/12/2019 16:40

This must be a very frightening thread for you to read, OP.

Maybe do not think too far ahead. Your husband is not well , right now, and needs your help. This need not end in the worst case scenario. But you need to steer him out of the hole he is sliding into.

Ring your GP, you are his wife you are entitled to do so. Ask them what's next. Get the ball rolling on his treatment because he is living in fear and it's not sustainable.

Think about the future of your marriage later, right now think of it as getting your ill husband some help.

Wonkybanana · 02/12/2019 16:52

Keira please take on board the news stories PPs have posted.

The man you married wouldn't do anything to harm his children. The man he is now wouldn't do anything to harm them, but if he were to kill them he wouldn't see it as harming them in the way we would. He would see it as protecting them. If they are dead, then no-one else can hurt them. That's why these things happen. He would see his actions being those of a loving, caring father. And so just because he wouldn't harm them doesn't mean they might not end up dead.

Please do whatever you have to to make your children safe. If he can't be removed from their lives, you have to remove them from his. However you would need to be very careful. If he knew you were taking them away he could well see it as you putting them in the way of danger without him there to keep them safe, and it could actually trigger him to kill them. Again so that in his eyes they couldn't be harmed.

Please consider taking them to a refuge. This situation is dangerous, and you can't do nothing and leave it until it's too late.

HowlsMovingBungalow · 02/12/2019 16:58

No-one should have a crossbow hidden in their home.

The ONLY people I know that have weapons AND IN LOCKED GUN CABINETS are land owners who use them for pest control and also have licences for said guns.

NO body NEEDS a crossbow in a family home.

bobstersmum · 02/12/2019 17:03

I can only reiterate what the others have said op, I think you have good cause to be very concerned, and personally I would report how unlicensed weapons to the police and tell them the full story.
A good few years back my dh was suffering from depression and he used to read David Ickes forum, a lot of what you said sounds very familiar and he also looked up crossbows on the Internet! I can imagine he's been brainwashed. But as well it does sound like a sort of paranoid schizophrenia. I wouldn't feel safe or relaxed living in the same house as him with my dc. Can you tell any of your close family and friends?

kateandme · 02/12/2019 17:04

this is two ays ago op.print this and take it and slam it on the desk of ur gp and police.listing all the other thngs he is sayingwww.metro.news/crossbow-killer-to-die-in-jail-over-evil-murder-of-heavily-pregnant-ex-wife/1814870/

bobstersmum · 02/12/2019 17:05

I will add that around the time of my dh depression, I had cause to try to get him help and no one was interested. I tried the crisis team, and his gp and the most they did was gave him a telephone appointment and the Dr recommended him a self help book! Apparently they need to go themselves.

kateandme · 02/12/2019 17:08

you dont need a license.they can be bought online!

lottiegarbanzo · 02/12/2019 17:09

This isn't about getting him help (though that should follow too), it's about making OP and her children safe.

Pinkbonbon · 02/12/2019 17:09

What's to stop him waking up tomorrow thinking say...that aliens are real and the government has been hiding it because they know we wouldn't win, but they are coming and they are going to torture you all.

So to save you that torture, he uses that crossbow on you and your children in your sleep.

He's already mental and in that mind it's a small leap away from 'protecting' my family to 'saving my family from torture by killing them quickly'.

Get yourselves out and report him to the police for the weapons and make sure they know that he may be a threat to you.

7Days · 02/12/2019 17:15

Of course its about keeping herself and the kids safe.
But it's a much more 'doable' step, to get her unwell husband some help. It's what my husband did for me when I was going through a breakdown.

OP is surrounded by catastrophic thinking at home. She doesn't need to hear stuff on her support thread that can be dismissed as more of the same.

Lou0390 · 02/12/2019 17:16

Give Crises mental health team a call. This is serious and your DH won't do it as he clearly does not believe he has a problem. Please stay safe for your children and your sakes Thanks

FraglesRock · 02/12/2019 17:30

I'd imagine you're feeling very overwhelmed by these responses.
You wrote down how he's behaved and people have replied, you seem to be backtracking.
Sometimes people on the outside can see things clearly.
But his behaviour aside, there is no reason why you can't just leave him. You can get divorced because you've fallen out of live with him. We are well past the time where people stay together for the children. There are happy separated people on here with happy children.

Interestedwoman · 02/12/2019 17:35

You might think it's better for the kids too live with two parents, and that he won't harm them, but he already is harming them. Your oldest is being taught to believe the end of the world is coming or something. That is like a doomsday cult, and very damaging. Imagine how frightened that'd make a child eventually. He won't stop at this child either, but will start on the others, and keep drilling it into them all. He is psychologically damaging them, whether it's noticeable yet or not. This could effect them for their whole life, by causing them anxiety at an early age etc.

If he talks like this then you can call 999 and say he seems mentally ill but refuses to get help. The police will also be sent out if you say he's saying these things and has a weapon.

hifolks · 02/12/2019 20:47

so, selfishly, I would like to ask if the OP is safe now?