I don’t find this funny. Am I being uptight?

[Seasideshells]

I don’t like the way dh speaks to me - supposedly in a joking way - some of the time and relating to sex.
So for example he says things like ‘get your knickers off, I want to knock the back out of you.’
And variations on ‘if you walk around looking like that you’ll get it whether you want it or not,’ if I’m walking around in my short pyjamas for example. I don’t like it. I feel generally overall he doesn’t have a great attitude to women - calls them ‘splitarses’ and this is kind of symptomatic of it. I’ve told him I don’t like it but apparently I’m being uptight?

Just gross

Two dc. Married for years. Don’t know how to get out. That’s mainly why.

Why can't you get out? Can we offer advice?

Yuck!! Do you have a daughter? Is that what he thinks of her too? 🤮🤮

Eewwww (not envy).
You're with this prince why?

@Seasideshells

By any chance is this man armed forces? I'd never heard that disgusting term before, but when I was younger I married (and rapidly divorced) an absolute idiot like that. He copied the language of his peers in a mob mentality way. They laughed at women constantly, referring to the females on the base that they worked with as "splitarses" and also, girlfriends who had not yet married, and so visited their forces boyfriends in the block accommodation on the base (as opposed to having a married quarters house) were called "block rats." They were homophobic, racist, it was embarrassing to be around. The culture was actually vile.

either this is written by a man trying to get back at women,
or it's a very serious situation which the OP should leave ASAP.

Dont have children with him

Courtney 555 my dh and virtually all of his friends were in the forces for decades. Never behaved or spoke like that. Not once.

He wouldn’t rape me. I know he wouldn’t.
But it’s still not a very nice thing to say and it makes me want to avoid sex with him as it’s such a turn off.
He’s very much ‘you’re mine’ - he doesn’t like me going out in certain things and sometimes will say you won’t be wearing that out the house without me. I only mean things like skinny jeans - not exactly low cut revealing tops of anything. Basically anything he thinks makes me look ‘too nice.’

Why are you with him?

I’m not even attractive so I can’t understand the problem 😬

You're better than him. Seriously OP, you need to evaluate what you get out of this relationship.

He may not rape you but he sees you as a sexual possession.

If he stopped this horrible language, would the relationship be a good one?

Does he genuinely mean that about what you wear out if the house, or is it another (sexist, controlling) way to say “you look very attractive and fanciable in that?”

He sounds worse with every update . Have you told him bluntly that this language completely turns you off?

I'd make sure I had no more children with him, and start an escape fund and plan, and get a job so that I could just get away. He is a misogynist

I know this is missing the point of the thread but I've never heard that phrase before what does it even mean!? I dont want to google it it sounds awful

You actually allow him to tell you what you can and can’t wear ‘out of the house’

He’s controlled & manipulated you for years, this is just going to be the tip of the iceberg

There is NO POINT in harping in about what he says & trying to make him stop, br dude that’s not the issue. The issue is that thus is who he is, this is how he thinks...you’ll never change that.

Start anew thread in OTBT & get GOID advice about HOW to heave sensibly.

You need to get out & take your DC

I think you're under reacting to this. Put you off sex? It would put me off being in a partnership with him! Especially with the controlling stuff you just mentioned. Do you just ignore him and go out in your skinny jeans or do you dress to please him?

So he's controlling and thinks he owns you. He sounds frightening op.

You're not allowed to wear skinny jeans outside of the house? Have I read the correctly?
Can't you see how wrong that is? If you went into town now around 7/10 women would be wearing them, but you're not allowed?!?
He's watching too much porn.
He's a misogynistic controlling wanker.
I bet you compromise in all sorts of ways to keep the peace.
You say he's not been violent but do you ever stand your ground/tell him no/ wear skinny jeans?
I hope you're ok ☹️
Post on the relationship board for some support.

Sorry, didn't realise this was in relationships already, came to it via active

Gross.

Get out. Get out now. You’ll thank yourself for it.

Jeeze, your update makes it even worse.

Please leave him.

I had no idea the term splitarse existed, but with regards to a PP, my ex husband who was ex army used some pretty derogatory language towards women along these lines sometimes. I wonder if its just how they talk. It is vile

My DH is the same but never bothered me
I'm the same with him...like if he wears a certain thing I'll say "you're in trouble later " or he'll say "keep looking like that and I'll take you upstairs"
It's just banter with us I find it flirty and funny but your DH seems to take it a bit far...never heard the split arse term sounds awful

Just to offer a different perspective. And we've been together nearly 20 yrs 3 kids....I dont see it as a rape threat !

And obviously I can wear whatever I like.
Controlling behaviour is scarier than disgusting talk