I don’t find this funny. Am I being uptight?

[Seasideshells]

I don’t like the way dh speaks to me - supposedly in a joking way - some of the time and relating to sex.
So for example he says things like ‘get your knickers off, I want to knock the back out of you.’
And variations on ‘if you walk around looking like that you’ll get it whether you want it or not,’ if I’m walking around in my short pyjamas for example. I don’t like it. I feel generally overall he doesn’t have a great attitude to women - calls them ‘splitarses’ and this is kind of symptomatic of it. I’ve told him I don’t like it but apparently I’m being uptight?

Show him this thread if he thinks you’re just being uptight. I have learnt a new turn of phrase, absolutely disgusting

He probably went out with someone ten years younger than him as the women his age wouldn't put up with this. You were too young to spot the signs. But now you're the age of the women who rejected him back then - and you know better, same as them.

You're smart enough to know this is no good. What do you think you'll do?

Your kids are growing up hearing this stuff? The generally aggressive stuff?

Seriously (in case you haven't got the message yet) he's revolting. I'd have trouble being in the same room as him.

He sounds very unpleasant. You have my sympathies. DH used to describe women he had a run in with as bitches ie there was a bitch behind the counter who... I lost it every time he did it and he stopped. There would have been serious problems if he didn't.

My exs friend used that term. Vile types. My ex used it once and I screamed for 3 hours straight and had my cousin sending messages saying to make him ring his mum and say it to her

I complained when my exh used to call women bimbos ... seems totally tame now!

Even reading your thread I just knew it was going to be some vile, disgusting, sexual innuendo.

No way on this earth would I let any man speak to me like this. Especially not my husband who is supposed to respect and love me.

You walked into your relationship as a girl, walk out as a woman. Accept better, my husband was a bastard at times which is why I we're divorcing, but never has a man made me feel as beautiful.
My dad was the same with my mother, which is why I knew what to accept and why I know my worth.
Do not allow this animal to treat you like one.
Children listen, observe and copy behaviour.
The reason you know this too is because you're posting here and you know what's right, and this isn't. Get out

For the sake of your sons please deal with this and don't accept it. They deserve to grow up understanding how to respect women and how to talk to them appropriately. And they deserve to see their mother treated with respect and care. You deserve better than being spoken to like that.

Your sons will be adults who think it's perfectly fine to threaten women they love with rape.

My and my dh say rude things regularly to each other (never in front of the dc) but he would never ever think it was okay to be so disrespectful to me. It would put me completely off sex with him. Yuck. 8 hope you are okay op

I divorced a man like that. Horrible

I'm thinking I've never heard the term splitarses before, WTF is that even supposed to mean?! actually, on second thoughts think I'd be better off in ignorance
No, I wouldn't find any of that funny either.
He calls you uptight?
He sounds like a knob.

I've heard that kind of talk a lot. And those particular phrases, it was a job that attracts "macho" type men a lot of the time and is very high pressure. I can't believe it didn't spill into their home lives although many would claim they'd "never dare" speak to their wives like that.

Is he in that type of job op? If so and he's no plans to leave it you might as well pack his bags anyway because it won't stop

Passive violence unsettles me. Hearing that aggressive language every day must be awful, he sounds full of anger :(

Fucking pig of a man.

Look into ways to leave him op. He's deeply, deeply horrible.

Also, just to point out, rape is not just violent and ignoring you saying no. It can also be more subtle coercive exchanges, where he pouts or punishes you in other ways if you don't have sex with him.

28 yr old going for an 18 year old.... Ewww.

I was going to school in my uniform a month before I turned 18. Someone who thought they knew it all and knew, in a practical, real life terms; nothing. Greener than a new shoot.

Wonder why a 28 yr old man would go for someone like that .

You can get out op, maybe talk to women's aid. See how you'd cope financially etc.

It doesn't even make sense anatomically.

I don’t think he is a rapist- unless he has physically acted in the way he speaks.

I do however believe he is controlling, manipulative and perverted to say such disrespectful comments to you especially knowing you would be insulted and disgusted.

He sounds very immature and sexist at the very least. I would sit him down for one last time and make it clear it’s the last time. (Unless he has done anything else to threaten or abuse you- in that case leave ASAP). Tell him it is not a joke, you don’t find it funny and you find him very immature and unattractive when he makes these comments to you/about women. And that you are highly concerned about your children growing up believing these comments would be ok. Tell him this is the last time you will ever tell him not to do it and if he does you will leave.

I guess my concern is that you haven’t felt you could do this before? Why is that? Are you afraid of him/his response/reaction?

He uses aggressive language a lot, just in the every day. Everyone is a fucking prick or a cunt. I don’t like it. I’m ten years younger than him and I was only 18 when we met. I think he’s always been like this to a degree.

And you stay with him? Allowing your children to be brought up in such a toxic environment?

Grim grim and grim! I hate the word split arse.. it shows such a massive disrespect imo. I think if he's said it to me I'd be saying something along the lines of 'nothing turns me off quicker than expressions like that'

That’s horrible. When “DH” said to me spread them and open wide I thought that was bad enough.
His lack of awareness is concerning and the fact things have deteriorated over time is more disturbing since it is less likely to be social awkwardness. In your shoes, I’d be giving serious consideration as to whether or not I’d be staying in the relationship

I’ve never heard “splitarse” before. Disgusting. I hope I never do hear it!

I agree he’s vile. Leave him as soon as you can.

Never heard the term 'splitarse' before.

I suggest calling him a rantallion.

‘if you walk around looking like that you’ll get it whether you want it or not

So he's a rapist?

Does he think hes in Guy RItchie film? what an arse. Start referring to random men as TopCock or Smootheballs around him.

Ghastly stuff.
Run