I don’t find this funny. Am I being uptight?

[Seasideshells]

I don’t like the way dh speaks to me - supposedly in a joking way - some of the time and relating to sex.
So for example he says things like ‘get your knickers off, I want to knock the back out of you.’
And variations on ‘if you walk around looking like that you’ll get it whether you want it or not,’ if I’m walking around in my short pyjamas for example. I don’t like it. I feel generally overall he doesn’t have a great attitude to women - calls them ‘splitarses’ and this is kind of symptomatic of it. I’ve told him I don’t like it but apparently I’m being uptight?

I think that this is one of those occasions when you need to have a very solemn and detailed talk about this. You need to choose the time and place very carefully and make it quite quite clear that this is not acceptable to you [nor to anyone in this day and age].

If he just laughs it off then I don't know the next step ...

Sounds like another dickhead who's got into violent and rape porn.

He is disgusting. I would never tolerate this.

Sorry
Missed the bit where you said you have children.
What’s your housing and financial set up?

Oh god, ick! You're not uptight, he's a neanderthal. Do you have daughters? If so I think that could be a dealbreaker for me.

I could have written this, exactly what my H says to me! Word for word, and I get told I’m boring, or can’t take a joke. You have my sympathies, and you are not uptight.

You deserve much better than this @Seasideshells.

Start getting your ducks in a row, life is too short to stay with this godawful man.

You mustn't let this go, it's really nasty. It would be a dealbreaker for me. Tell him to stop talking about you and other women with such disrespect.

If you're only staying because you don't know how to get out, maybe we can help signpost you?

First step would seem to be to get legal advice about your position on the quiet.

Agree with him. "Yes I am uptight. Stop it."

He is a gross, disgusting cunt. 🤮

Has he suddenly started talking like this or was he like this when you married him. If you’ve married a man like this you’ve left it way too late to be pulling him up on it. If he’s just started this misogynistic talk then I would be asking why he’s changed. He’s talking like some kind of sex pest rapist.

I couldn’t be with someone like that .
Porn I expect

You wouldn't want your daughter's boyfriend to talk to her like that and likewise if you have a son you'd be horrified if he talked to his girlfriend that way.
We often don't see it when it's from our perspective so look at it from someone else's to get some clarity.

You need to put him in his place or leave. Stand up for yourself and explain you won't tolerate anymore the way he's speaking to you or about women in general. And say if he doesn't like it then he knows where the door is.

if you walk around looking like that you’ll get it whether you want it or not,’

“What does that mean DH? Are you saying you will rape me?”

Ask him directly with a straight face. Make him explain the comment. Of course he’s such a banterlord he’ll refuse to answer and say “ffs it was just a joke- chill frosty knickers” but keep doing it. Every time. That’s if you can bear to stay married to someone so disgusting.

He is a gross, disgusting cunt

Nah, he's nothing like. He's got neither depth nor warmth.

Wtaf?

That is just not acceptable, on any level.

You need to get yourself and your children away from this man.

He sounds revolting

It’s mostly said when driving - as in - oh typical, it’s a fucking split arse.

Your kids are hearing this OP. Are you happy with that? That they’ll be repeating this before long?

you’ve left it way too late to be pulling him up

Not true. You can decide at any stage that you're no longer prepared to live with this.

Vile.
Disrespectful.
Even if he stopped saying it, you now know he'd be thinking it.
You must feel very disappointed if he wasn't like this before.
I couldn't stay with someone who spoke to me like that.

I'm so sorry you are being spoken to that way. Sounds really scary/upsetting. You are not being uptight!

You need to tell him that until he stops being a disrespectful misogynist any sort of sex life will be strictly off the agenda as his attitude revolts you. And mean it. I don’t know how you’d let a Neanderthal like this anywhere near you tbh.

Agree with others, he’s into porn way too much. This is very unhealthy and not someone I would want around my children. I hope he doesn’t say anything like that in front of them.