Do you feel like you're being kept a secret?

[someblonde]

I do and here's why!

We've been together 3 years, a rocky start but the past 2 years have been wonderfully happy and stable.

I've never been one to put EVERYTHING on Facebook but do like to share photos of us together, and document our good times to share with friends and family when we go away, or have a particularly nice day out somewhere. He on the other hand, doesn't post me anywhere or anything about us.

In 3 years, I've appeared on his Instagram twice and his Facebook 4 times.

It's always hurt my feelings, as he'll post photos of days out to the football with his friends but won't share a photo of us out in Disneyland that I've paid for. He doesn't go out often and he isn't a lads lad either so it's not like he's so close to his friends that he feels he has to document these good times for everyone to see.

We're now nearly 5 months pregnant and have not yet announced it. Every time I mention it, he finds some new excuse to say no and a reason as to why we should wait. We own a house, pets, go on 4 holidays a year and live a lovely life of simple pleasures such as baking days, putting the tree up together, winter walks but it comes across as I'm one big secret that he doesn't want people to know about. It's starting to upset me as I want to shout from the roof tops that we're going to be parents and yet he wants to keep it a total secret. He won't even tag me in baby posts in case someone sees it, so private messages me them.

Am I right to feel like he's hiding me for a reason? I'm not a paranoid girlfriend but I'm starting to feel like there's a reason he wants to keep it all quiet. Such as, who doesn't he want to find out? Is it a coincidence that his ex who he was with for 5 years is now newly single? Or am I overthinking it? I just can't help but feel there is someone he doesn't want knowing and it's sending me into a rage if I'm being honest!!

Any advice from sane minded ladies appreciated thank you!

Ps I've talked to him and had this conversation a million times about how it makes me feel but still, nothing changes...

I was in this situation but our relationship wasn’t as serious as yours. We were together for two years in the end and didn’t move in together, although we were close with each other’s families and went to weddings etc together.

He had a 6yo DS with his ex (they broke up before their DS was 6 months old) and I was allowed to meet his DS once. I wasn’t allowed to feature on his social media whilst there were still pics of him and his ex on there (without their DS and before she was pregnant). When he took me to Spain for my birthday I wanted to do a post and tag him in it but I was told not to in case her friends who he had on there saw it. I’m not a big social media person and neither is he but that hurt. Basically, his ex wasn’t allowed to know about me even though she’d been engaged twice since they broke up and was in a relationship.

I think your DP might be a bit oblivious despite what you’ve said to him. I think that you have a lovely life together and lots to look forward to, so I would tell him that you are hurt and that you want to show others that you are going to be a family. If you need to mention his ex then do it. You can’t carry on like this if it is upsetting you.

Also, what do his family think about everything, can you rely on them for support?

You say nothing changes even though you've told him how it makes you feel - what is his response when you tell him? Does he get angry or moody with you? Or just give you false platitudes and promises?
I wouldn't be overly bothered about not sharing pics on social media, but not telling anyone you're expecting a baby?! That's mad. What kind of excuses does he make?

My friend is currently in this situation although not at serious as yours and I’d be interested to see some of the responses. I personally can’t understand behaviour like this when you are so committed to someone, as he is to you. Do you own the house together? Have his friends all met you etc

The pregnancy thing could be because he is sensitive to pregnancy loss/lost a baby before and hasn't told you? It really makes a difference to whether one puts anything on social media or not.

Could it also be that having been divorced he is much more cautious generally? Doesn't want to tempt fate or something like that?

I assume you are otherwise fully in his life and family?

I've not put anything about DP on facebook nor has he about me, we haven't even changed our relationship status. However everyone in real life knows we are together and neither of us post about days out.

Does he spend a lot of time working away at all? I would be very suspicious about this behaviour because it does appear that he doesn't want someone to know about you.
Have you met his friends and family? Do they know about the pregnancy?

(I also don't post about days out with DP and neither does he and write nothing about relationship/status).

Er how is he going to stop you? It's your fb account.

If I got told not to post it, can bet that within 30 seconds it would be plastered on there in any social media site I had, him tagged in it and ensured it was fully public.

Just post it. If he gets angry about it, ask him what his problem is. If he can't give an answer, tell him to go and look for his balls and let you know once he's figured out he is an adult man with a family and has some respect for you.

When you tag him can’t everyone on his friends list see it anyway? Or does he not let you tag him either?

Also I try to vary posts so that I don’t come across as obsessed with my baby or smug with my husband so do tend to post more stuff with friends mainly to prove that I do go out 🤣

Maybe he's a private person? My husband hates SM and all it entails.

I don't though but I can't tag him as he's not on it. I do post about our life though.

I also never posted about my pregnancy as didn’t want to tempt fate and I’m glad I didn’t as it all went to shit at 20 weeks! Did when the baby was born though.

He hasn't been married before or had a pregnancy scare or miscarriage before. This is his first time. His excuses are 'let's wait til then because it'll be nicer' then 'let's wait til Christmas because it'll be more special' and then it'll be another excuse.

When I bring it up he turns it round into 'why do you want to post everything on Facebook?' Which riles me as I don't; I just think it's nice sometimes to share happy memories and pregnancy is such amazing news, why wouldn't we share it? I've met a handful of his friends but he hasn't seen many of them for a while as they're all settled down with their own families. I wouldn't mind as much if he'd never been a keen user, but up until I first mentioned my lack of appearance on his social media, he used to post each week selfies, or memes or something. Since then; he's so stubborn he's avoided using it in case so he doesn't have to post photos of me.

I caught him messaging other girls and deleting the conversations on snapchat a year ago, which he claims was totally innocent he just didn't want me to get the wrong idea. So instead of just using snapchat appropriately, he went as far as deleting the app so he didn't use it at all. There's no middle ground with him, he's either right or he'll just stop doing it all together to be over dramatic.

I'm going to mention it again tonight and expect it to be a tear up but so be it. We own a house, we share two cars, we've got animals together and go away Friday on a trip of a lifetime and yet he can't even share a photo of us! It seems as though there's someone he doesn't want to see it. I'm all for privacy in a relationship, but secrecy is too far...

@TiddyTid my husband hates it with a passion too! I do tell him when I’ve plastered him on there though as he once thought he was going mad as people kept talking to him about things and he’s be like how on earth do they know that!? Lol

Ummm the Snapchat thing sounds worrying!

Not putting things on FB isn’t really an issue. I’ve been with DP for three years and if you went by our social media, you’d think we barely knew each other let alone were together. But that you’re over halfway through a pregnancy and he doesn’t want anyone to know about it is bizarre. It’s understandable wanting to wait until after scans to be sure the pregnancy is viable, but wanting to keep it a secret for weeks beyond that means something.

Your update about him messaging other women. Sorry OP - he doesn’t want people to know about you and the baby because he doesn’t want people to know he’s “taken”. He’s keeping his options open.

Can people not read? She said he posts pictures of him and his friends. He is being a twat hiding his pregnant girlfriend, probably due to the recent update, he wants to appear single.

Just post it op. What exactly is he going to do? Nothing. It's your account. Sod his opinion.

I have been with my OH - if you looked at my FB - there is nothing of him on there 😂

No he doesn't work away either. He's very much at home a lot.

I just feel like we're in an adult relationship, we use social media sparingly anyway but why shouldn't we share photos of our life that we both work bloody hard for. Why wouldn't we want to share a photo of us on a dog walk in the stunning scenery? Or of cakes we've spent a Saturday afternoon baking. I don't mean post photos of our Sunday dinner or what we're watching on TV, but the more meaningful stuff I'd like to share...

If his family don’t know that you are pregnant that would be a red flag for me ..
some people just like privacy 🤷🏻‍♀️

Then you mentioned snapchat and i’m like 🤔

Well now that changes things ..

I would just post it but it almost ruins it for me. I always wanted to be with someone as excited as me and want to show off our miracle to the world so I feel like it taints it if I post it excited alone? It genuinely makes me upset even thinking about it.

Also you can't just tag him - he has this sneaky thing where he has to approve tagged posts before they appear on his Facebook.

I feel like he's trying to keep his options open, he's a good looking lad turning 30 soon and I feel like he's always been desperate to try and cling on to the glory days (almost like a midlife crisis too young!) whereas I'm not a drinker and am more homely, so I'm enjoying the growing older gracefully way

Ps his family do know, we told them when we found out so not worried about family

It sounds like he doesn’t want any details of his life being leaked to his ex which is fair enough. I imagine you don’t have any mutual friend connection to the ex and therefore if you posted on your FB without tagging him it would be fine. Some people (me included) like to keep their private lives private on social media and there’s nothing wrong with that! I don’t think either me or DH have posted a pic together for around 3 years as neither of us bother much with social media. I actually post pics of my dogs more than anything else
Don’t be offended. You’re not a secret. His family and friends know about you and I presume the baby?!

Oh. Yes, he definitely wants to appear single or... are you absolutely sure he doesn't have another relationship somewhere? I had an uncle who had two wives (he was only married to one of them) and families (six children in all) living three miles apart from each other. The second family knew of the first but the first family knew nothing for ten years.