Do you feel like you're being kept a secret?

[someblonde]

I do and here's why!

We've been together 3 years, a rocky start but the past 2 years have been wonderfully happy and stable.

I've never been one to put EVERYTHING on Facebook but do like to share photos of us together, and document our good times to share with friends and family when we go away, or have a particularly nice day out somewhere. He on the other hand, doesn't post me anywhere or anything about us.

In 3 years, I've appeared on his Instagram twice and his Facebook 4 times.

It's always hurt my feelings, as he'll post photos of days out to the football with his friends but won't share a photo of us out in Disneyland that I've paid for. He doesn't go out often and he isn't a lads lad either so it's not like he's so close to his friends that he feels he has to document these good times for everyone to see.

We're now nearly 5 months pregnant and have not yet announced it. Every time I mention it, he finds some new excuse to say no and a reason as to why we should wait. We own a house, pets, go on 4 holidays a year and live a lovely life of simple pleasures such as baking days, putting the tree up together, winter walks but it comes across as I'm one big secret that he doesn't want people to know about. It's starting to upset me as I want to shout from the roof tops that we're going to be parents and yet he wants to keep it a total secret. He won't even tag me in baby posts in case someone sees it, so private messages me them.

Am I right to feel like he's hiding me for a reason? I'm not a paranoid girlfriend but I'm starting to feel like there's a reason he wants to keep it all quiet. Such as, who doesn't he want to find out? Is it a coincidence that his ex who he was with for 5 years is now newly single? Or am I overthinking it? I just can't help but feel there is someone he doesn't want knowing and it's sending me into a rage if I'm being honest!!

Any advice from sane minded ladies appreciated thank you!

Ps I've talked to him and had this conversation a million times about how it makes me feel but still, nothing changes...

Stop spending money on him when he's clearly leading a single life online.

He's not forced to do this stuff with me, I'm independent enough to spend time alone and welcome it. He chooses to come along

Yet the version of his life he chooses to present I resisted saying 'curate' online suggests he's unenthusiastic about this stuff, or that he has a particular reason for presenting himself as a single person? You clearly don't recognise the version of his life that he posts.

Only you can say whether it's you he's cropping out, or certain activities in your shared life that he is cropping.

Whose idea was the baby?

I'm not even FB friends with my boyfriend. I'm totally happy with that.

He absolutely wants to appear single.

No advice but I know how frustrated you feel. My partner is the same.

Even if I post family pics he won’t like them or put up any pics of me on his social media but is more than happy to post other pics and like other peoples pics. Makes you feel like shit really. It’s a shame social media has this affect on us.

sorry but it sounds like he is using you- comfortable home maker...
its really sad to hear actually - he is def presenting himself as single or another offer to be cheating
he's got pictures of his dog and talks about baking with his dog - but you're not in any shot .....FFS your lower down than the dog...shows what he thinks of you...
his family will always have his back so in a way it doesnt matter that they know you're pregnant..
whats the plan post DC has he arranged time off ??? sorted finances etc... I think you will either be single or at home alone..
you may want to think about your fianancial position etc

Yes I am, but so's he, because that's how it has to be for now.

My ex never posted anything on social media about us but neither did I so I never thought anything of it. Turns out he had a wife living in another country which is why he was trying to keep things quiet.

The baby was not planned. He wanted kids now, I didn't. Unfortunately the pill isn't as reliable as you'd hope.

It was a joint decision to keep and have a family, and one I'm overall happy with based on the life we have. I wasn't ever so bothered before about the lack of me on his social media before as I just kept my life private too and left him off but I think that pregnancy news is a bit different and it's hurt my feelings that he doesn't feel that's important enough to share.

An old work colleague of mine was in a similar situation. She was a wonderful person,everything you would want in a lady and her partner was in love with her,but after years of them arguing about this situation he told her he was thought of as a 9 out of 10 by everyone and she was a 6 out of 10 ( because she was overweight). If he posted photographs of them,people would wonder why " he had settled for her" when he could do so much better!!! I've lost touch with her now,so have no idea if they are still together.

@joeler blimey, if my partner said anything like that I'd punch his face! How rude are some pig men?!

Honestly, it's sounds like you've scared him a bit. I'm not sure I'd want to put pictures on and open myself up to any potential comments/likes that would get me the third degree.

You say you are that girl, who messages women to find out who they are why?! Snapchat automatically deletes the messages. These women said it was just general chatting, about work/hobbies?

You describe the issues with him and his ex trying to sell their house as "we had all this stuff with trying to sell the house", overly invested early on and I bet his ex commented on that.

As for the baby announcement, well, you don't need to announce it on SM, he sounds like he feels it's very early for that. You say he hasn't had any issues with pregnancy etc before yet you "want to show off our miracle to the world". I don't understand that really, it all sounds very full on from your end.

My ex was like this. Turned out he had another girlfriend. I was actually "the bit on the side" but his social media was devoid of any mention of either of us. He was claiming to us both that he was just "a really private person" but actually he was playing us both. Charming.

Oh and he owned a house and had a dog with the other girlfriend.

You need to look at this coldly and rationally OP.

What does he stand to gain from being with you but appearing single?

Are you the higher earner, more educated/qualified, better off? Is his lifestyle better because of you?

As he appears single online, what is the benefit? Is it purely an ego boost or is he fishing still, hoping to reel in a better catch? (sorry)

Did he used to be a shagger for want of a better word? Have you joined Tinder and searched for him?

@someblonde I know,unbelievable!It was about 8 years ago but it's stuck with me.I remember being really shocked. Over the years since,I've realised a lot of people rate good looks,over all the other many attributes people have,when it's only a tiny percentage of a person. I've lost count of the number of times I've heard "he's punching" or she's punching" and it's always in reference to looks.

@crustcrab I don't see how I've scared him, I've never forced him into a relationship I just want to be respected which I don't thinks a big ask.

We earn the same good wage, we both wanted to buy the house we're in, he wanted to go on these holidays, he wants us to go for dates out and do things together, but doesn't want to share it. I don't expect him to share every detail but if the baby was anyone's idea more, it was his so why would he now he afraid?

And yes I know how snapchat works, it does delete the conversation itself but it doesn't delete your 'recent' list which is what he was doing himself. Looking at it, you'd think he was just chatting to his mates but when you found his most recents and his 'best friends' actually, they were all young, ditty girls still living with mum and dad. Why wouldn't I message them to ask what they were talking about? If they know who I am like he said they did, then why would they be surprised to hear from me when they know they've been messaging him on snapchat, the easiest place to hide

Also too early for that? We've been together over 3 years!!

I meant early to announce a pregnancy if you even want to on social media. I missed the bit where he was messaging young girls, I read it as female friends

@crustcrab we are nearly half way through the pregnancy, when would be a better tile to announce it?

I feel like I'm the one making sacrifices whilst he's still portraying himself as young and care free.

Look after you finances OP, when the baby arrives. I would hold back a bit of trust from this guy, and keep on working.

Yeah I can see that and he sounds like he's a lot of growing up to do and fast. I can't really comment on when is best to announce a pregnancy because I didn't announce mine at all, I'm not one for over sharing on social media.

his 'best friends' actually, they were all young, ditty girls still living with mum and dad. Why wouldn't I message them to ask what they were talking about? If they know who I am like he said they did, then why would they be surprised to hear from me when they know they've been messaging him on snapchat, the easiest place to hide

Well, he sounds pretty immature, so surely it's hardly that unlikely that his female friends are younger than him? And people live for freakishly long periods with their parents these days, so I'm not sure that proves anything at all...?

And I have to say that I would be utterly baffled to be messaged by any of my male friends' wives to ask what we'd been talking about, and would probably suggest they asked their husbands if it was really so crucial they know what was said in an innocuous conversation.

@Gallivespian I understand that, but if you're friends genuinely, why aren't you friends on Facebook along with the other 1000+ people he doesn't know personally?

I've been messaged before by worried partners and as a girls girl, I was so clear the girl had nothing to worry about. Why would a women be horrid to another women in distress? This is the problem these days; people have no respect for others or their relationships. Morals are so slack; it's a shame.

Plan to be a single parent, OP. He's in love with himself, no-one else.