Do you feel like you're being kept a secret?

[someblonde]

I do and here's why!

We've been together 3 years, a rocky start but the past 2 years have been wonderfully happy and stable.

I've never been one to put EVERYTHING on Facebook but do like to share photos of us together, and document our good times to share with friends and family when we go away, or have a particularly nice day out somewhere. He on the other hand, doesn't post me anywhere or anything about us.

In 3 years, I've appeared on his Instagram twice and his Facebook 4 times.

It's always hurt my feelings, as he'll post photos of days out to the football with his friends but won't share a photo of us out in Disneyland that I've paid for. He doesn't go out often and he isn't a lads lad either so it's not like he's so close to his friends that he feels he has to document these good times for everyone to see.

We're now nearly 5 months pregnant and have not yet announced it. Every time I mention it, he finds some new excuse to say no and a reason as to why we should wait. We own a house, pets, go on 4 holidays a year and live a lovely life of simple pleasures such as baking days, putting the tree up together, winter walks but it comes across as I'm one big secret that he doesn't want people to know about. It's starting to upset me as I want to shout from the roof tops that we're going to be parents and yet he wants to keep it a total secret. He won't even tag me in baby posts in case someone sees it, so private messages me them.

Am I right to feel like he's hiding me for a reason? I'm not a paranoid girlfriend but I'm starting to feel like there's a reason he wants to keep it all quiet. Such as, who doesn't he want to find out? Is it a coincidence that his ex who he was with for 5 years is now newly single? Or am I overthinking it? I just can't help but feel there is someone he doesn't want knowing and it's sending me into a rage if I'm being honest!!

Any advice from sane minded ladies appreciated thank you!

Ps I've talked to him and had this conversation a million times about how it makes me feel but still, nothing changes...

DP and I rarely post pictures or statuses about our life on Facebook because what's the point? We tag each other in things all the time though.

Is he excited about the baby?
Was it planned?

The Snapchat thing is a massive concern. Quite genuinely, why did you decide to have a baby with a man 6 months after he cheated on you? Or were the messages actually innocent?

I've actually met his ex, when we got together we had a whole drama trying to sell their house they owned jointly so she knows about me and our life already and why would she be bothered? She's been in a new relationship with step kids this whole time and has only recently become single so it's not like she doesn't know who I am or that we're serious...

Oh are you 'Facebook official'? Presumably not but thought I'd ask!

I wouldn't post my pregnancy on SM tbh. Those who know me and are close to me will know I'm pregnant.

I don't feel the need to announce it... but we're all different.

If I wanted to announce it, I wouldn't even think of seeking permission from my OH. I'm the one who is pregnant and I feel I have the right to tell who I want.

If you know his family and friends, then you're not a secret to those who matter to him.

Some ppl don't want all their SM contacts to know what's going on in their lives.

Apparently the messages were innocent. I am that girl that will message the other women and ask exactly what is going on and these few girls there were (in relationships of their own) knew about me and were under the impression that the conversations were just in general.

I would understand the need to hide it if I was a nutcase but I have a massive friendship group of males due to my hobbies and work so I understand better than anyone about being able to have friends of a different sex. I believe that the snapchat was innocent, if I thought he'd cheated on me he wouldn't have lasted 2 minutes - I just think he does shady things and then dug himself a hole but this recent refusal to post me on his social media has made me more paranoid

I also have less than 150 friends on Facebook, I keep it to people I know and speak to. He has nearly a thousand of randoms and girls he doesn't know or claims he doesn't know anyway

Everything you say about his character and behaviour highlights too things:

1. He doesn’t want to post photos and updates because he’s embarrassed by the things you think are lovely and special - let’s face it, baking cakes with your girlfriend on a weekend afternoon is rather twee and I can sort of understand why he wouldn’t want to shout it from the rooftops.

1. He’s happy presenting himself as an unattached man because if somebody better comes along he doesn’t want to put them off.

I'm friends with dh in fb, but nothing else. He only recently put a picture of him and our son's there after his sister nagged him. I however, still haven't got a recent picture. The only picture there is from 8 years ago! Before my marriage and children. However, people have tagged me & my children so you can technically still see a recent picture of us. His family know me and that is more important to me.

It is easy enough to create a new profile and pretend you are new to FB to prospective ow. So I wouldn't worry to much about it. It is so simple to make a new profile and randomly add people. So many people would just accept you as they want their freind list to be big.

Is it so if some of these 'innocent girls' that he messages on Snapchat search for him on FB, his profile is that of a single man?

When was the last unprompted time he said he liked a picture of the two of you?

Yes I would agree with your first point, but he'll post a photo of one of the dogs licking the spoon after and caption it with something like 'smashing afternoon baking with my boy' it's as if I wasn't there...

I agree though, I think he's trying to make himself look like he's not committed to anyone or tied in.

Now, do I explode over WhatsApp or wait til I get home and do it face to face?

Funnily enough, the girls he was chatting to were only friends with him on insta where I'm none existent. None of them were on his Facebook where you could see posts I've previously tagged him in. If you went on his Facebook you'd see posts I've tagged him in before, but his Instagram is very much him and 'his dog'

Having read your updates I think he is either in another relationship already
or wants to present himself as single in case he meets someone he wants to cheat with who wouldn't get involved with him if he was with someone else already (ie. Someone nice with morals).

Over a 1000 random women on his FB?

Lots of red flags here.

Dh rarely puts a status on about anyone .He comments on mine though or if I put pics of us on.Hes not a gushy person though and has never used fb like that.

Don't blow up over WhatsApp or face to face. Have a proper conversation.
There's no reason to kick off.

Yep, presenting himself as single to these nearly 1000 women.

I don't think he's in another relationship per say as really he wouldn't have the time. We're together every weekend and every evening, he goes out once at night every few months so not sure where he'd get the time to fully cheat...

But I do think he is keeping his options open, or he's got someone in mind already and doesn't want them to know OR he's done something previously and doesn't want them to see in case they message me and tell me...

Yes I think somewhere in your last post is the truth.

Are you going to talk to him about it?

If you just put up a picture and announce you are pregnant hold your breath (wait for OW to message you distraught or your partner to kick off as you've ruined his new casual love interest and he's angry).

Yes keeping his options open, appearing single.

Yes I'm going to call him out tonight when we get home. We spoke about it briefly on Saturday and we haven't really spoken since as he knows I'm annoyed, hence why he's not messaged me this morning like he normally would be doing.

I couldn't sit there paranoid, he'll have to face up to it tonight.

It upsets me though, I always wanted a nice relationship with someone who was as excited to be with me as I was with them and who wanted to show me off a bit. What girl doesn't love being shown off? Now I feel like the announcement will be tarnished and tainted with disappointment as I'd have forced him to do it, whereas I'd always wanted him to be as excited as me and not wanting to wait to share our news.

I agree with @ComtesseDeSpair, I think. You would have no idea from my seldom-used-and-mostly-for-professional-purposes FB that I am married with a child, but it sounds to me that in the OP's case, he's either keeping his options open because he thinks he can do better and is presenting himself as single, and/or is less enchanted with the 'country walks, pets and baking' life than you are and is embarrassed by it/bored by it/enjoys it but doesn't like it being known that he does, so he presents a very different face to the world via social media?

Which would fit with what the OP says here:

I feel like he's trying to keep his options open, he's a good looking lad turning 30 soon and I feel like he's always been desperate to try and cling on to the glory days (almost like a midlife crisis too young!) whereas I'm not a drinker and am more homely, so I'm enjoying the growing older gracefully way

It sounds to me as if you are dragging him into late middle-age here! You're still in your 20s! While that does not mean you need to be coked-up and falling out of nightclubs, the 'growing older gracefully' stuff sounds as if you both have very prescriptive ideas about life, and he's less enchanted with the 'growing older gracefully' vibe you're describing.

Good luck OP. It is possible he is wanting to stay in his 20s as you call it and not join you in your nesting. Be prepared for him to say he needs time to think and this is all happening too fast.

Oh, and this feels quite old-fashioned, too from a gender POV. The idea that men, left to themselves, are wild drinkers and pack party animals, who only reluctantly give in to commitment and domesticity once 'caught' and tied down by a woman.

No one deletes innocent chats ‘in case you get the wrong idea’ The content of the chat would ‘prove’ its innocence if it were as said, so deleting it is highly suspicious. He is definitely trying to appear single.

He won’t change.

He's not forced to do this stuff with me, I'm independent enough to spend time alone and welcome it. He chooses to come along. I'm not even that desperate for him to post photos of our country walks, but he goes on one holiday with his friends and posts it online. I paid over 5k this year on 6 weeks out of the country and not a single photo was posted, of any of it. Not even a scenery post that doesn't have me in it! It's like he doesn't want to be linked to me unless he absolutely has to.

I'm homely but I'm not 80, I have my own hobbies and interests that I don't mix with him. I'm very much modern in that I do my things, he does his. I don't beg him to spend time with me so it's his choice ultimately. I'd just like a bit of appreciation in terms of making sure I never feel like I'm being kept a secret. I work hard as does he, to make our life great. Surely it's not too much to ask to be shown off a little bit when we have particularly nice times?