Do you feel like you're being kept a secret?

[someblonde]

I do and here's why!

We've been together 3 years, a rocky start but the past 2 years have been wonderfully happy and stable.

I've never been one to put EVERYTHING on Facebook but do like to share photos of us together, and document our good times to share with friends and family when we go away, or have a particularly nice day out somewhere. He on the other hand, doesn't post me anywhere or anything about us.

In 3 years, I've appeared on his Instagram twice and his Facebook 4 times.

It's always hurt my feelings, as he'll post photos of days out to the football with his friends but won't share a photo of us out in Disneyland that I've paid for. He doesn't go out often and he isn't a lads lad either so it's not like he's so close to his friends that he feels he has to document these good times for everyone to see.

We're now nearly 5 months pregnant and have not yet announced it. Every time I mention it, he finds some new excuse to say no and a reason as to why we should wait. We own a house, pets, go on 4 holidays a year and live a lovely life of simple pleasures such as baking days, putting the tree up together, winter walks but it comes across as I'm one big secret that he doesn't want people to know about. It's starting to upset me as I want to shout from the roof tops that we're going to be parents and yet he wants to keep it a total secret. He won't even tag me in baby posts in case someone sees it, so private messages me them.

Am I right to feel like he's hiding me for a reason? I'm not a paranoid girlfriend but I'm starting to feel like there's a reason he wants to keep it all quiet. Such as, who doesn't he want to find out? Is it a coincidence that his ex who he was with for 5 years is now newly single? Or am I overthinking it? I just can't help but feel there is someone he doesn't want knowing and it's sending me into a rage if I'm being honest!!

Any advice from sane minded ladies appreciated thank you!

Ps I've talked to him and had this conversation a million times about how it makes me feel but still, nothing changes...

I get what you mean. It's not the sharing on social media but his refusal to and more importantly how it's making you feel like a secret, especially since you're supposed to be in a committed relationship and due to have a baby together.

I hate to say this but I also had an exbf who was like this. He claimed he was a very private person, where in reality he was on and adding women while on a dating site. While he may not be doing this, I would feel rejected by his attitude and being made to feel like a secret.

I am that girl that will message the other women and ask exactly what is going on

If you have to do this, your relationship is in trouble.

That in itself could be a reason he behaves as he does.

That as well as blowing up make you come across as rather fiesty and many ppl will avoid issues that could be contentious with you.

I wouldn't answer any questions from woman I didn't know, asking me what I was talking to her BF about.

You sound insecure in the relationship quite honestly.

There's too much obsession with social media and who likes this pic or that pic.

I don't know how many friends my DH has on FB... I don't go looking, as I have better things to do.

It sounds like you've always felt like a secret, but stayed in the relationship, despite having communicated how you feel to him.

His response to this is pretty clear...he won't do as you want because it's just not him or he doesn't care that it makes you feel that way.

You have choices. Either accept him as he is and don't expect him to change or if it upsets you so much...end it.

And just announce the pregnancy if you want. Or do you think there would be repercussions?

That would annoy me, but you're not married and you have your own good wage. Do not give up your job. That'd be my non fb related advice!

It does seem like he wants to keep his online options open. The snapchat thing seems really shady. How did your talk go?

My DH barely posts anything so every now and again I send him photos and tell him to post them... he does it to humour me but understands why it hurts me. He just doesn't care about sm.

I am guilty about sharing loads as I do bloody love Facebook

Did your relationship start out with you as the OW?

My exh became a stalker, not out of love but out of greed, he would do anything to get the upper hand from hurting our son to stop paying maintenance.

I posted a lot in Facebook but never posted anything about my relationship. A simple comment About what was in Facebook from a friend to a friend of his and DS and I would be in big trouble.

Yep, I was hiding, for my DS and my own safety. I am sure my partner hate it at points but understood that it was all about keeping DS and I safe.

Having said that, I a friend had a years long boyfriend who never posted anything about them in Facebook, all for perfectly natural reasons... they were serious but he didn’t to have any friends or close family, admitedly his parents were dead and gad no contact with extended family. After 4 years, she realised that although they were about to buy a house together, he had never applied for a divorce or had any intention to do it. So go figure.

I know men like this. Very immature, it’s all about appearance, desperate to be liked by young hot women....not the partner I’d want. He’s not proud of you or the baby.

My DB is like this. When he had his first serious relationship in his 20s, he posted about it quite a lot. Sadly, that relationship ended and he has never posted a single thing about subsequent ones. He lives with his partner now, and they have a baby, but he has never posted anything on sm about her whatsoever.

Initially, he said the stuff you post on sm becomes embarrassing if the relationship ends.

But as time has gone on, and it began to look as if they would be together for a long time, he said that he just finds 'couple stuff' cringy on sm. He says in his friendship group you are ribbed for putting it on. He says he wants his private life to be private, and the most special parts of his life kept off fb as it is not for public scrutiny. He thinks sm is for posting irrelevant, funny stuff and not the important things.

Obviously, your DP could have different motives - doesn't see the relationship lasting, embarrassed, wants to appear single - but that is my DB's thinking and I know he absolutely loves his gf.

His sounds exactly like my older sister. He turned out to be engaged to be married. Sorry.

I have only ever posted anything containing a partner on SM once, I personally find it sad when people use their SM as a public scrap book so it’s something I don’t do.

If my boyfriend valued stupid posts of facebook etc more than our relationship then there wouldn’t be a relationship to save.