Child maintenance

[Justaordinarybloke]

Recently split from partner (her call not mine 15yrs not married 3 girls). I have moved back to my mothers whilst ex lives in our home (joint mortgage).I am not paying anything towards the house as I'm not living there and she agrees with that. I am paying child maintenance worked out on the csa calculator. My problem is I don't have enough left from my wage to move on and find a place of my own, left with less than 400 a month after possible rent to pay bills and feed myself. We had the house valued recently and was a lot less than I expected (was hoping from decent share of equity to use as a deposit to buy a house as I'm desperately trying to avoid renting, I'm 44 so this is my last realistic chance of getting on the property ladder). What happens when you simply can't afford to pay her in order to live? After xmas I'm going to try and buy her out of the house but let her stay in it till summer holidays (enough time for me to save enough) she doesn't work so can't get a mortgage or buy me out. She will get help with rent on a house. The mortgage is cheaper than rent, will probably have no disposable income once everything paid but will at least have a home of my own. Surely there is some sort of help or options out there? What would have happened if she left me with the house to run with bills, mortgage and childcare costs more than my wage?

Are you eligible for any benefits? Otherwise, I think you have to do what everyone else does when they need more money to live on: get a better paying job or take a second job? I would imagine that she will have the children at least 50% of the time? Could you pick up evening work?

Get a second job?

Your children having a stable home is more important than you being on the property ladder.
Also cms is 17% of your wages
Oh and fyi the government says you only need £288 per month to live on after rent so £400 is more than enough isn't it

Get a second job....I works minimum 40hrs a wk often getting home late. Rent near me is 575. With bills takes it to roughly 850-875 then my mobile (won't have a landline) so how is £288 a month to live on feasible...if that was the case then how come all those spunging of the government get more than that to live on?

You don’t need an expensive mobile. Get a PAYG for £20 & stick £20 on it a month.
You don’t need Sky/Virgin/Netflix or things like that.
However, your children need a home.
Is your £288 that you have left over just for food etc? That’s plenty!

No "those spunging off the government " don't get more they get a rent element which rarely covers rent and £288 per adult over 25 per month for everything else that's it unless they have kids and then get a little more.
I must say that your comments about your ex can get rent paid in your op is quite rich since you think that she would be another sponge but hey you'll still be on the property ladder so that's all that counts right?

Unfortunately according universal credit the figures you are quoting are adequate. UC says:

•	Single claimant aged under 25: £251.77 per month
•	Single claimant aged 25 or over: £317.82 per month

In fact the UC sums are not the amount people are given after bills but is the amount to live on.

But It's all a red herring really. It is incredible hard to find yourself so suddenly far removed from 'where' you expected to be in life.

I'd give yourself sometime to way up the best use of any equity that you can release.

It isn't clear from your comments whether you want to buy your soon to be ex out with a hope of becoming RP & your children staying in their home?

Child maintenance isn’t optional. You have to pay the amount csa which is a minimum anyway.

Reduce your bills. Shop cheaper. Cut your phone bill.

Op your getting a hard time on here. I wonder if you was a woman you'd get the same response
Of course you want somewhere to live and have disposable income especially as you have 3 children that you would like to take out and have over stay in your own home. Your paying your way with Maintenance and I salute you because there's plenty of fathers that don't. Have you tried looking at takeaway delivery jobs? (Thats if you drive? ) a bit of extra cash and it's evening work. I don't really have any advice but wish you luck.

Is there anyway you could talk to your ex. This was years ago! I did not receive a penny from my ex for my dcs I did not want a penny ether. I phoned up the cms and said that I recieved £5 for each child a week and no money was dedicated from his wages and I did not receive any £5 although I was happy with that. I did not like him he was abusive to me a lot and wanted him to keep his money so he had nothing over my dcs. Worked out for me. Just ask her if you can pay her directly and then phone up the cms and tell them you are paying directly.

If she doesnt work, how is she paying for the house and bills now? Come to that, if your salary is so low, how were you paying for the house when you were all living there together?

CMS is the minimum you must pay for your Dc so there’s no point looking at that figure as the reason you haven’t enough money. That’s a fixed amount. So you need to look at where you can reduce costs elsewhere and increase income elsewhere.

You are living with your mum so should have minimal living costs. You need to be saving like mad right now. Whether that be for a rental deposit or mortgage deposit.

Think outside the box for additional income. You may work 40hrs a week but you don’t necessarily have to leave the house to make more money. Eg Buying & selling on eBay, translation work, transcription etc. Look to your skills and see what’s around as a work from home option.

Look to rent a cheaper place further out from city/town. Why do you expect your bills to be £300/ month? Do you have debt?

Could you come to an arrangement with your ex to perhaps pay less maintenance, but offer to help out with other things e.g school trips, clothes etc?
I accept less maintenance from my ex than I should get but he agreed to help out with school trips and birthday parties etc.

If she doesn't work, how is it a joint mortgage and who is paying the mortgage now?

Child maintenance is non-negotiable. Of course you must pay your fair share of the cost of raising your own child.

Your choices are to earn more or cut back somewhere. If this means staying with your parents for a time, then that is what you will have to do.

You could consider 50/50 care so that no maintenance is due, but I think you would find that that ultimately costs you more.

How is she paying the mortgage if she doesn't work? You can't claim benefits to pay a mortgage, only rent.

£288 a month after bills is fine to live on for a single man. You won't have many luxuries but you need to provide for your children.

Or you could stay at your mum's as long as you can and save for a deposit on a house.

Your ex will also have to go back to work and then she can get a mortgage. She will get the majority of childcare costs paid for by UC as a single parent.

You sound like my ex h, he resents paying for his own children's upbringing as well.

I'm 44 so don't want to be here long. I'm hoping she will accept a offer to buy her out of the mortgage and let her stay till summer hols. She works cash in hand coupled with child benefits that's how she can afford the mortgage though she now has to go on universal credits and is waiting to see how much she gets. She is doing courses to help back into work once the youngest starts school full time. I don't resent paying child maintenance at all they are the most important people to me. I drive but the car is going soon. I'm looking to rent as close as possible to the girls so I can see them regularly and have them stay over. Second job is pretty much impossible as I am a driver and not back at same time every day.

Second job is pretty much impossible as I am a driver and not back at same time every day.

Like I said- think outside the box. Your current job isn’t enough to cover your bills- according to you. so you need to increase your income somehhow. You can carry on saying it impossible but that won’t make extra money appear in your bank account. You need to do something. So either second job. Or get a better paying full time job.

Why buy her out of the house?
That's your children's stability. You should rent somewhere and leave your children in their home.

You do realise she can possibly stay in the home until your youngest is 18?

Go 50:50 and you won't owe any maintenance.

Was just about to say what @Pottedtree said. 50/50 care and you don't have to pay anything. You'll just pay towards them on your own time then.

Also - to all the posters who say he should leave her in the house....she has ended the relationship, why should he have to leave his home? It's bewildering the double standards of some people, if this was the Kreme way around. As previously, go 50/50 on care and stay in the house. You're as entitled to stay there as she is and it won't be any more disruptive to the kids.

50/50 care and you don't have to pay anything. You'll just pay towards them on your own time then.

Plus childcare for half the week as he works 40 hours a week and gets home at different times.