Child maintenance

[Justaordinarybloke]

Recently split from partner (her call not mine 15yrs not married 3 girls). I have moved back to my mothers whilst ex lives in our home (joint mortgage).I am not paying anything towards the house as I'm not living there and she agrees with that. I am paying child maintenance worked out on the csa calculator. My problem is I don't have enough left from my wage to move on and find a place of my own, left with less than 400 a month after possible rent to pay bills and feed myself. We had the house valued recently and was a lot less than I expected (was hoping from decent share of equity to use as a deposit to buy a house as I'm desperately trying to avoid renting, I'm 44 so this is my last realistic chance of getting on the property ladder). What happens when you simply can't afford to pay her in order to live? After xmas I'm going to try and buy her out of the house but let her stay in it till summer holidays (enough time for me to save enough) she doesn't work so can't get a mortgage or buy me out. She will get help with rent on a house. The mortgage is cheaper than rent, will probably have no disposable income once everything paid but will at least have a home of my own. Surely there is some sort of help or options out there? What would have happened if she left me with the house to run with bills, mortgage and childcare costs more than my wage?

How am i projecting when im in a totally different situation?

I asked if you were. Only you can know if you are. No one here knows your life experiences. You seem to have assigned yourself the role of OP’s bodyguard.

Do you know what projecting means?

Im not telling you not to respond but if you think its a load of shit anyway i dont get why youd bother responding anyway!

I’m telling others who are engaging with the OP that maybe they aren’t getting the full facts. I’m allowed to say that.

Anyway, now that’s sorted...

So im a mens rights activist and ops bodyguard because i a) dont feel sorry for his wife and b) dont think he should walk away with nothing?

Okidoke then. Weird how youre only allowed your own opinion until you agree with a man (gasp!) And then you get accused of all sorts.

yeah, that’s what happened.

Who has actually said he should walk away with nothing?

cheesecake do you have problems reading because that is what happened.

Well op has been told to leave his wife and kids in their home which means hed get nothing because she cant afford to buy him out......

Well op has been told to leave his wife and kids in their home which means hed get nothing because she cant afford to buy him out

He’s also not paying the mortgage now he’s not in the house, and not having to pay rent at the moment.

And he’s also talking about buying her out. Similar they could sell. Or there’s more too it and the house will be protected until the kids are 18.

All of what is happening is fairly standard in marital splits. It certainly doesn’t equate to “he’s getting nothing”.

I think youre deliberately misunderstanding what im saying

I know he could buy her our or sell. Wjat im suggesting is that some posters think he should leave the kids in their home (because the fact it was his home too doesnt matter) which means he wouldnt get anything because his wife cant afford the mortgage.

In that situation he gets nothing.

Im saying he shouldnt do that.

bangs head repeatedly against wall

In that situation he gets nothing

In that situation he would be advised to get a charge put on the property to protect his interests.

I’m coming at this from a more sensible legal point of view. The fact is, nobody can predict if this went to court for example how the ruling would go. Ergo all options need to be considered from selling, buying out, protected family home, spousal maintenance, charges on the property etc. It is impossible for any of us to know what each party is entitled to.

It might be banging your head against a wall will bring some clarity for you. It appears you need it.

I know how it works. A charge likely until the youngest child turns 18. I wouldn't advise that either.

Theres no need to be rude jaques

Take it irony isn’t your strong suit either Bollykecks

Or you could just continue being rude.

Lets face it, youre on every step parenting thread being negative and mean, why would this be any different.

Also the more you earn the more you pay is wrong, should be 1 fixed rate per child, it its £77 per child it should stay £77 not more because you earn more

Are you for real? The pittance percentage you need to pay. Compared to 100% of my money, time and energy goes on dc. How ridiculous.

Why don't you have them full time, pay for child care and upkeep instead?

Seriously the only way you can move on is to earn more money. You wont get any help any where. When I got divorced, I basically had to work seven days a week to make a life for myself. So good luck.

Also the more you earn the more you pay is wrong, should be 1 fixed rate per child, it its £77 per child it should stay £77 not more because you earn more

In 2018 in the US a child cost average USD200k to raise to adulthood. So three kids that's about 500k in the UK. Most of which is the later years. So say you've got, very roughly, about 10 years left, about 300k to pay. 150k split two ways (which isn't fair because of the SAHM tax but whatever). 15k a year, which seems paltry. 1,250 a month, am I right? About 300 a week. Your 77 quid a child is looking a bit... cheap.

@Justaordinarybloke

Why should it stay a flat rate? The point of CM is to make sure the child is supported by both parents. If their mother got a pay rise then their quality of life would improve. But you think that if you get a pay rise, their quality of life shouldn't improve? Lets be honest; it's the resident parent who ends up paying for all their clothes and all their sports clubs and music lessons and all the rest of it. If you're wage increases and you still lived as a family, then the children would get more money spent on them and more opportunities. So it should be the same with you being split up. If you earn more then you give more and the kids get more.

She couldn't have a career because she looked after your children, enabling you to work long hours. So you cannot now start complaining that she doesn't work full time, unless you are willing to take on the childcare role.

Why don't you have them full time, sort out childcare and wrap around care for your job, do the day to day grind etc and your ex can have them EOW and give you £200 a month contribution?

@goodluckhun has a point!