Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I thought I had severed ties with my mother..........

145 replies

Titania · 27/09/2004 12:55

but a card has just come through the post for my dds birthday with £10 in it...........now dd is asking why she doesn't see nanny anymore.......I am feeling so bad as I don't know what to say to her........oh why did she have to do this to me.........I don't know what to think now or what I should do........

OP posts:
Kittypickle · 30/09/2004 09:47

Titania, I'm so sorry you are in this situation. I don't have any advice, but just wanted to say that you are not to blame for lots already (as you said lower down on the thread) Your Mother has abused her postition as a parent and abused you. I know this is probably no comfort at the moment and very hard to believe, but you are not at fault, you are the innocent victim here, and you have done fantastically well to create a new life for yourself and have children who I have no doubt know they are very much loved. I really hope things start improving very soon.

Twinkie · 30/09/2004 10:06

Honey - she is still trying to blame you - 'I still Love You' - Er you have never done anything wrong to stop her doing so and she knows thi sbut is trying to control you.

I seriously would text her back asking her not to contact you anymore, tell her you are changing your mobile no (swap with DH if too expensive and let him deal with it) and then go and get help.

DP what people have said a Health Visitor is a great idea or ring one of the help lines I posted on here.

Honey but first go and see your doctor - tell her you can't cope anymore and that you need some help - not just ADs (But I think they will at least allow you to fell a bit better and then maybe have more strength to face things and deal with them) but seeing someone.

Please please do not let her do this to you - she is still hurting you and getting away with it - she has not amitted what she did or what she allowed to be done to you and is still in her mind blaming you in a weird kinda way.

Can you ring one of those helplines this morning just to speak to someone might help??

Caribbeanqueen · 30/09/2004 10:13

Hello Titania, sorry you had such a bad night. You are getting some wonderful help here on mn, but I think your problem really needs professional help.

Can you at least make one phone call while the kids are relatively quiet. That first step might make you feel a bit better.

I have to go now, but I am thinking of you.

Original poster
Titania · 30/09/2004 16:02

i have made an appointment to go to the doctors on wednesday........i really dont want to go though.

OP posts:
MTS · 30/09/2004 16:07

it will be tough for you talking about this sort of stuff to anyone, but you can do it, and I think you do need to get some help to start feeling a bit better about yourself and to help you get more enjoyment out of life - the GP can't do much in herself, but is the gateway to accessing other things - meds/counsellors/psychotherapy - whatever you and your GP feel most appropriate.

posyhairdresser · 30/09/2004 16:24

Titania - I agree with others that you need some support from a good counsellor.

You need to make sure that you find the right counsellor for you, and this will not necessarily be the first one you find so don't be afraid to swap until you find the right one.

Maybe you could find a way to re-open communication channels with your mother in a controlled and limited way (with no contact with your children at all until and unless you feel comfortable to let this develop)?

Original poster
Titania · 01/10/2004 07:48

Had a very bad night last night...just can't get things out my head.....it's like I just can't switch off from it all now....mum contacting me has just brought it all to the surface...I have never felt this bad before. When I think I am having a bad day, the next day seems to get even worse....I don't know how I am going to get through the day when I get up. I can't do this anymore....I really can't..........

OP posts:
unicorn · 01/10/2004 08:04

Can you get your Doctor's appointment brought forward to today, I reckon they should see you immediately.
Please try and get an emergency appointment,and get help prior to weekend.
Also, I don't know if anyone has suggested calling The Samaritans? At least there would be someone there to listen to you, and your fears etc.

gothicmama · 01/10/2004 08:39

Titannia - hope you can get some help today the Sams are very good details here you can email them as well
My msn has been sorted and I am on all morning

gothicmama · 01/10/2004 09:05

Just because it has all come to the surface again doesnot mean that you are not dealing with it ( I have flash backs still about a situation I thought was over and done with ) it is strange what can trigger it but you must remeber you are agreat mum to your kids and you are to my mind very much in control of your life - if it os painful for you to have contact with your mum then don't just check the mail so your children don't know I will have to explain somethings to dd when she is older but why hurt me and possible her until I can explian to her

cab · 01/10/2004 09:16

Titania I can't believe any human being has been through what you have. On behalf of the human race here is a massive apology and huge hug. xxx

While you decide what help to get or otherwise how about starting to write a book so you can get it all out and perhaps achieve some closure on a few issues?

This might also help you work out what you need or do not need from your mother. Whatever you need if she cannot supply it then I would cut contact.

Twinkie · 01/10/2004 09:59

Honey ring a helpline when you have a moment - they also may be able to give you some pointers as to what to say to your docvtor to get the appropriate help.

You can do this - you have to I am afraid you have no choice - you have to break this cycle and be the best mummy for your little ones that you can.

Please Honey - I know you can do it - I have thought sometimes that I would step infront of the next bus that passed me but I couldn't imagine letting DD grow up without me - I had no support growing up and I didn't want her to have to grow up lacking the same.

Lonelymum · 01/10/2004 10:14

Hi Titania. Thinking of you and sending you all my love. Don't let that awful woman who was never any mother to you get the better of you. Do what you have to do to make your life a success (and dh's and the childrens's). Wish I could be there with you right now to give you the hug she never did.

MTS · 01/10/2004 10:17

hi there titania. i agree with twinkie that it would be helpful for you to call a helpline before going to the docs - even if you don't feel ready to talk about any details of what you have been through, you could keep the conversation on the level of - what sort of counselling would help somebody in my situation, and how do you deal with the initial pain with counselling. just take it day by day, hour by hour at the moment; whatever you need to get you through the day. once you do start to get the right help with dealing with what has happened with your family, it will help you so much with getting through things day to day - what I am trying clumsily to say is that although it feels like the end of the world everything coming up to the surface like that, it will get the poison out all at once, rather than it seeping out gradually, making you fearful and anxious in your everyday life.

best wishes

gothicmama · 01/10/2004 10:30

remember the darkest hour is only 60 minites long do it bit by bit -

MTS · 04/10/2004 15:35

how was the weekend titania?

cat82 · 04/10/2004 15:43

Honey-just spotted this, i'm here if you need to talk.

xxx

Caribbeanqueen · 04/10/2004 22:00

How are you Titania?

essbee · 04/10/2004 22:05

Message withdrawn

Original poster
Titania · 05/10/2004 09:18

sorry.....I have had a really bad few days. DH didnt go to work yesterday cos he was so worried about me. I was asleep when you MSNed me Esbee....sorry....hope you didn't think I was ignoring you

OP posts:
MUMINAMILLION · 05/10/2004 09:27

Hi Titania. How are you today?

Original poster
Titania · 05/10/2004 09:33

feel pretty rough actually.....DH didn't want to go to work today and leave me but I told him to go. We had an arguement this morning anyway so I didnt really want him here bugging me anyway.

OP posts:
MUMINAMILLION · 05/10/2004 10:03

Oh dear . Hope we can cheer you up a bit?? Are you still worried about seeing the doc on Wednesday?

Original poster
Titania · 05/10/2004 10:03

very.....i dont even want to go.......

OP posts:
MUMINAMILLION · 05/10/2004 10:05

Would it help if you could take someone with you - dh even?

Swipe left for the next trending thread