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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I thought I had severed ties with my mother..........

145 replies

Titania · 27/09/2004 12:55

but a card has just come through the post for my dds birthday with £10 in it...........now dd is asking why she doesn't see nanny anymore.......I am feeling so bad as I don't know what to say to her........oh why did she have to do this to me.........I don't know what to think now or what I should do........

OP posts:
Twinkie · 28/09/2004 14:50

aest.org.uk - logonto here and have a look - I got all of these as I do not know where you live.

Abuse Not ( Dunfermline ~ Scotland )
4 Victoria St
Dunfermline
Fife
Monday to Thursday 10am to 5pm
Friday 10am to 4pm

We offer support to anyone over the age of 16, male or
female, who experienced sexual abuse in childhood. We also offer support to non-abusing parents, partners and others who support survivors. We offer one to one, group work when funds allow and we also offer an Outreach counselling service in the West Fife villages and in East Fife.
website www.abusenot.org.uk

----------------

Adult Survivors of Childhood Abuse (North East)

Adult Survivors of Childhood Abuse (North East)
2nd Floor Clayton Chambers
59-61 Westgate Road Newcastle-upon-Tyne NE1 5SG
Tel 0191 221 1919
weekdays 10am to 6pm
email [email protected]

----------------

Basingstoke Rape & Sexual Abuse Crisis Centre

Tel 01256 840 244
Tue, Wed, Thur 7pm - 9.30pm
e-mail [email protected]
----------------

Black Women?s Rape Action Project

PO Box 287
London
NW6 5QU
Tel: 020 7482 2496
Fax: 020 7209 4761
web site www.womenagainstrape.net/

----------------

Breaking Free

Breaking Free, Suite 21-25 Marshall House
124 Middleton Road, Morden, Surrey SM4 6RW
Tel: (Voice & Text) 020 8648 3500
fax: 020 8646 5794
support to women survivors of child sexual abuse

----------------

CARELINE

CARELINE
Tel 0181 514 1177 (LONDON)
Mon. to Fri. 10AM. to 4PM. and 7PM. to 10PM.
For all adult survivors of childhood sexual abuse
----------------

Child Abuse Survivors Network

Child Abuse Survivors Network
Offer a counselling pack, a news letter, a local referral service and, for members of the mailing list, a pen friends service.
To receive the counselling pack and further details send an S.A.E. to
Child abuse survivors network, PO Box 1, London, N1 7SN
----------------

Childline

Childline, London N1 0BR., Freepost 1111
Tel 0800 1111
24hrs 365 days per year.
(or for children in Care 0800 844-444 6pm to 10pm)
Childline is a free confidential counselling service for children in the U.K. Will help point adults in the correct direction. Are able to link with authorities (with child's ok only) to protect a child. (please note, 0800 numbers will not show on UK land line telephones.
website www.childline.org.uk
----------------

Choices for Women ~ Cambridge

Contact Jean, Lesley or Val.
7c Station Road,
Cambridge CB1 2JB;
Tel: 01223 314 438.
They offer a free and confidential counselling service for those whose lives are affected by child sexual abuse. There is a telephone helpline (01223 467 897) and support/self help groups for survivors and carers. Information/supervision group for workers and training on the effects of sexual abuse. There is a comprehensive library on the effects of child sexual abuse and recovery. All books, articles and videos are available on loan. The office is open Monday, Wednesday and Friday mornings. Women can refer themselves.

----------------

Colchester Rape Crisis Line

Colchester Rape Crisis Line, PO Box 548
Colchester, Essex, CO3 3JX
Helpline - 01206 769795
Wed. 7.30pm - 9.30pm
Sun. 2.00pm - 4.00pm
Or leave a message on the 24 hour answer phone.

CRCL is a confidential and non-judgmental support service for women and girls who have been raped, sexually abused or assaulted either recently or in the past and could involve a stranger, friend or family member Reg Charity No. 802162
Email Admin at CRCL [email protected] Email Support at CRCL [email protected] Website www.crcl.org.uk/

----------------

Cornwall Rape & Sexual Abuse Centre

Area Health Office, The Leats, Truro, Cornwall, TR1 3AH
Offers one to one counselling, support and advocacy for men, women and children who have experienced sexual abuse or rape no matter how long ago. Also runs survivor groups from time to time. Ring for details.

Tel 01872 262 100, Mon to Fri 9am-5pm
E-Mail Enquiries and Support [email protected]

----------------

Derby Rape Crisis Group

Derby Rape Crisis Group
PO Box 142 Derby DE1 2HF
Tel 01332 372 545
Monday: 10am - 12pm & 6.30pm - 8.30pm
Tuesday: 10am - 12pm & 7.30pm - 9.30pm
Wednesday: 12.30pm - 2.30pm & 6pm - 8pm
Thursday: 5.30pm - 9.30pm
Friday: 10am - 12pm & 1pm - 3pm
[email protected]
-------------

Family Matters - Kent

Family Matters, Head Office, 5, Manor Road
Gravesend, Kent DA12 1AA
Tel: 01474 536661
Our counselling, group therapy, outreach support and helpline services are resourced to respond to the needs of victims.
Web site www.charitynet.org/~family-matters/

----------------

Gay Switchboard UK

----------------

Grimsby & Scunthorpe Rape Crisis

We offer a free confidential listening service to any female or male adult affected in any way by rape, sexual abuse, sexual assault or sexual harassment no matter how recent or long ago. Clients have the choice of talking to someone on the telephone or to a volunteer on a face to face basis.
Grimsby Help Line: (01472) 322111 on Tuesday 6.30pm to 8.30pm or Wednesday 7pm to 9pm
Scunthorpe Help Line: (01724) 853953 on Monday and Thursday 7pm to 9pm
website beehive.thisisgrimsby.co.uk/default.asp?WCI=SiteHome&ID=6822
----------------

HEAL (Helping Everyone Abused Live) ~ Colchester ~ Essex

Tudor House, St Helen's Lane, Colchester, Essex, CO1 1TY
HEAL operates an informal and confidential support group with arts and crafts, and discussion groups, also offers advice and support for the partners and carers of abuse survivors.
The support centre is open to any adult survivor regardless of sex, gender, sexual orientation, race, colour, creed or religion.
For further information, Tel: 01206 505560
Answer phone only outside of Heal opening hours.
Open: Tuesdays 10.30am-4.00pm, Thursdays 6.00pm-9.00pm
Saturdays 10.00am-1.00pm

----------------

Independent Care after Incestuous Relationship and Rape (ICAIRR)

ICAIRR, Gatehouse, Whiteways, Great Chesterford,
Essex, CB10 1NX.
Tel 01799-530-520.
Support adults and children in their recovery, providing counselling and therapy sessions either in person or on a distant basis.

----------------

ISAS (Nottinghamshire)

85 Millgate, Newark, Nottinghamshire, NG24 4UA
Help women and men over the age of 18 regardless of race, class, sexual orientation, disability and special needs. Telephone help and 1 to 1 Counselling
01636 610313
Tuesdays - 09.30am to 12.30pm, Fridays - 1.00pm to 4.00pm
Website www.isas85.fsnet.co.uk/

----------------

----------------

Kingdom Abuse Survivors Project ~ Fife ~Scotland

29 Townsend Place, Kirkcaldy, Fife, KY1 1HB
01592 646644 Monday to Friday 9 am - 4 pm
Kingdom Abuse Survivors' Project offers free and confidential support services to adult male and female survivors of childhood sexual abuse, in Fife, Scotland.

----------------

Life Centre ~ Chichester ~ West Sussex

PO Box 58, Chichester,
West Sussex, PO19 8UD

Thursday & Sunday 7:30-10pm on 01243 779196
Male and female rape / sexual abuse for people aged 18 and above. Also offer one to one (male counsellor available) and support group for friends & relatives of survivors of abuse.
[email protected]
Website www.lifecentre.uk.com

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Young people aged from 10-18 years.
Tuesday & Wednesday 3:30-5:30pm and Thursday 12:30-2:30pm on 0800 2797273
[email protected]
Support for Young people of both genders who have been raped / sexually abused. (We work within the guidelines of West Sussex Child Protection Policy). Face to face counselling is also offered and a support group for friends / relatives of survivors.

----------------

Lifeline

Lifeline, The Old Bakehouse, Main Road, Hulland Ward,
Ashbourn, Derbys, DE6 3EA
Tel.01262-674-505.
Help for Victims of violence, sexual abuse and incest. Offer support, advice and counselling according to client's needs: one-to-one, by correspondence or by telephone.
----------------

London Rape Crisis Centre

This helpline close April 2003 CLICK HERE for details

P O Box ##, London W#####. 020 7837 #### (Crisis line)

----------------

London Women's Aid Society Domestic Abuse Helpline

Phone: 0171 392 3092
Free, 24-hour help line for domestic violence victims. Support and information, referrals to refuges, counselling, and services for children

----------------

Luton and Districts Rape Crisis Centre
(incl. the Sexual Abuse Helpline)

12 Oxford Road, Luton, LU1 3AX
Opening hours: Mon. - Thurs. 10 am - 4 p.m.
Fri. 10 am - 2 p.m.
Office: 01582 733246
Helpline: 01582 733592
24 Hour Answerphone
Any male or female over the age of sixteen
Any victim who has suffered sexual abuse i.e. indecent assault, rape, child sexual abuse. etc. Telephone counselling. Face to face counselling. Family Counselling. Self Help/Support Groups (on a need basis only).

----------------

M.A.S.A. Scotland (Mothers Against Sexual Abuse)

M.A.S.A. Scotland (Mothers Against Sexual Abuse)
44 Bathgate Street, Dennistoun, Glasgow G31 1DU
Scotland. Phone 0141 402 8349.
An organization which works with adult male survivors, their partners, and their families. Has a help line, one-to-one support, one-to-one counselling

----------------

Muslim Women's Help Line

Unit 3, 1st Floor, GEC Estate, East Lane
Wembley HA9 7PX, U.K.
Hotline: 0181 904 8193/908 6715
Hotline for Muslim women and girls in the U.K. dealing with domestic violence, sexual abuse, and other problems

----------------

Nightline

Nightline - Various local numbers in university towns. Ring telephone operator for details. Run by students, Open night time (usually 8pm to 7am) during student term time. Mainly for students, in most University towns. Have good lists of local area groups etc. A cross between Samaritans and an information service. Will not usually turn you away if you are not a student, and they do not usually ask. Most have a choice of a male or female to talk to. They also have lists of local groups that run in their area, and are thus a good source of information for tracking down support groups.

----------------

Northern Ireland Women's Aid Society Domestic Abuse Helpline

Phone: 01232 33 1818
Free, 24-hour help line for domestic violence victims. Support and information, referrals to refuges, counselling, and services for children

----------------

Portsmouth Area Rape Crisis Service

PO Box 3, Portsmouth
A free and confidential counselling service is provided, by women and men (for women the service is provided by women only), for men and women who have been raped or sexually abused, regardless of how long ago the event took place. The service is available to men and women aged 17 years or over, in the Portsmouth, Havant, Petersfield, Fareham and Gosport areas.

Men's Crisis Line
023 9266 9516
Wednesday & Friday 19:00 - 22:00
(24-hour answerphone at all other times) Women's Crisis Line
(023) 9266 9511
Wednesday & Friday 19:00 - 22:00
(24-hour answerphone at all other times)

----------------

Rape and Sexual Abuse Support Centre - Guildford - Surrey

Tel: 01483 546400 7.30 pm - 9.30 pm, every night except Saturday.

A confidential telephone helpline for anyone (16+), male or female, who has been raped and/or sexually abused. One-to-one support is available, by appointment, at the centre in Guildford. A donation is requested, no matter how small, for this one-to-one service

----------------

Rape and Sexual Violence Project - Birmingham

PO Box 9558, Birmingham, B4 7QE
Tel 0121 233 3818
A charity supporting female and male survivors of rape, sexual assault and childhood sexual abuse: offering information, telephone support and face to face counselling (7 days per week). Both male and female counsellors available

----------------

Rape Crisis Federation Wales and England

Rape Crisis Federation for details of all affiliated rape crisis centres in the UK. If you are looking for details of your local rape crisis line the links below are the place to look.
Text list www.rapecrisis.co.uk/aboutgroups.htm
Location on UK map www.rapecrisis.co.uk/ukgroups.htm

----------------

Rape & Sexual Abuse Support Centre
Warrington & St Helens ~ Cheshire and Merseyside

PO Box 35
Warrington
WA1 1EH
Helpline Tel. 01925 245444 Mon and Thur 6.30 to 8.30pm
Office Tel. 01925 245445 Mon to Fri.
service is free and offers support and counselling to men, women and young people who have been affected by any from of sexual violence. We also offer support to non abusing family members or partners.
website www.www.rapecentre.com

----------------

Relate

Relate - See yellow pages for local details. Can help if your past is causing problems with your relationships, or lack of them. Several run survivor groups though usually mixed sex (mainly female). May have details of other local groups etc, so may well know what groups are running in your local area.

----------------

The Haven - Camberwell - London

(20) 7346 1599 between 8:30am and 5pm Monday to Friday
The Haven - Camberwell, King's College Hospital
Denmark Hill, London, SE5 9RS

Anyone living in south east London who has been sexually assaulted is welcome at The Haven. We provide our services especially for the men, women and children living in Bexley, Bromley, Croydon, Greenwich, Lambeth, Lewisham, Southwark and Sutton.
Medical help and advice; counselling; practical and emotional support.
Web page www.met.police.uk/thehaven/haven.htm

----------------

SAFE

PO Box 1557, Salisbury SP1 2TP

01722 410889

Times of help line vary, please call for recorded details of opening times.) National helpline for people who have been abused in a ritual setting. Offers support and information.

----------------

Safeline Warwickshire

Safeline Warwickshire,
01926 496911
(help line - mainly Mon, Wed & Fri eve but often other times - ansafone gives next weeks times)
01926 408315 (office - often someone there to talk to)
run by counsellors and offering free services to both male & female adult survivors of sexual abuse
www.safelinewarwick.co.uk/

----------------

SHE - SURVIVORS HELPING EACH OTHER

(updated 07th may 04)
PO Box 6743, Newark, NG24 4WT.
Tel 01636 611107
Self help group, creative group, social activities, newsletter, fund raising, new 1:1 befriending scheme.
Although groupwork etc only for women membership open to partners/supporters newsletter articles and artwork welcomed from male survivors.
website www.sheuk.org

----------------

South Essex Rape & Incest Crisis Centre

Telephone Helpline - 01375 380609
Wednesdays 10:00am - 12:00pm
Thursdays 12:00pm - 4:00pm
Saturdays 10:00am - 1:00pm
Answerphone at all other times. See website for full details www.thurrock-community.org.uk/sericc/counselling.htm

----------------

Southampton Rape Crisis and Sexual Abuse Counselling Service

PO Box 50. Southampton. SO15 2QX
telephone 023 8063 6313
Sun & Mon 7 -10pm. Tue 10am - 1pm . Thur 1 - 4pm
We offer a face to face counselling service to any male or female, aged 12 or over, who has experienced rape or sexual abuse at any time in their lives. Counselling can be arranged by calling us on the helpline number above. All counselling is completely free of charge and can be short or long - term as appropriate. We are able to provide a Punjabi speaking counsellor and a counsellor who is also a qualified signer.
Website www.southamptonrapecrisis.org.uk/

----------------

Survivors of Sexual Abuse ~ Feltham

Feltham open Door Project
The Debrome Building
Boundaries Road
Feltham
TW13 5DT
Helpline: 08 890 4732 (24 hour answerphone)
Provides services to males and female survivors of sexual abuse, offering face-to-face counselling.

----------------

Survivors West Yorkshire

Survivors West Yorkshire, C/o Bradford CVS
19/25 Sunbridge Road, Bradford
Help Line ( Voice Mail 07950 263 975 ) Aim to return calls within 24 hrs
Deliver support services to adult survivors of childhood sexual abuse their partners and supporters regardless of gender. Via the provision of workshops, user led self help projects, information and support across west Yorkshire. Monthly mixed gender self help group. Group workshops running once or twice a year.
Website: www.survivorswestyorkshire.org.uk

----------------

Voice UK

Voice UK, PO Box 238, Derby, DE1 9JN.

Work as a support and action group for people with learning disabilities who have been abused.

----------------

Woman's Aid Foundation of England, Scotland and Ireland.

Woman's Aid Foundation of England, Scotland and Ireland.
PO Box 391, Bristol, BS99 7WS
Help lines are :- 0345-023-468 in England,
0131-221-0401 in Scotland,
01232-331-818 in Northern Ireland

For confidential help and support for woman experiencing violence in the home, and 214 local refuge projects

----------------

Women Against Rape ~ London

King?s Cross Women?s Centre
71 Tonbridge Street
London
WC1H 9DZ
020 7837 7509
Counselling, legal advice and support for women and girls who have been raped/sexually assaulted

alicatsg · 28/09/2004 14:59

Titania - I wish I had a magic wand but I don't but I do sort of know where you're coming from. Its really tempting to "go back" to having mum around but the problem is she isn't ever going to be the mother you want, and she won't be the grandmother you want either. You made a really tough decision in breaking contact but honestly, unless she gets herself some major help and admits her problem, then its the right one. If you reopen the door then you're putting yourself in the victim role again, and you're better than that.

Don't feel guilty about looking after yourself - your kids need you to do just that. Your mother will find someone else to bully, don't let her guilt trip you.

Try to get some counselling - it does honestly help you understand the relationship if not why they do it.

Titania · 28/09/2004 16:08

thanks everyone.....I just feel like I am moaning now really.......I am sure there are people in worse situations than me......but atm life just seems so pointless.......the only thing keeping me going is my kids.....if it weren't for them......

OP posts:
Twinkie · 28/09/2004 16:11

No no moan away - it is what you need to do you need to speak about it and get some help - did you get my email and have you looked at the list I posted below??

MTS · 28/09/2004 16:11

Titania - whether there are people in a worse position than you is irrelevant - its how you feel that counts. and in terms of your childhood experiences, i have to say it sounds pretty damned awful. i do think you would benefit from ADs (sorry) as you do sound so low. i know they are not a magic bullet, but they are very helpful

Titania · 28/09/2004 16:13

MTS......a magic bullet is what i need atm.........

OP posts:
agy · 28/09/2004 16:16

Titania, I really think you NEED ADs now. I know you don't want them but they could make a big difference to how you feel. I'd say ring the doctor, any doctor. Just get the appointment made. They will start you on a low dose, something like Prozac which is easy to come off.

Titania · 28/09/2004 16:28

ive been on ADs before and hated them.........

OP posts:
MTS · 28/09/2004 16:29

why do you hate them? the concept of being on them, or the side-effects.

at its simplest, look at it biologically - depression/anxiety = seretonin deficiency. now if you were short of vitamisn or in you would take tablets for that, so why is depression different?

Titania · 28/09/2004 16:45

both.....they make me feel as though i am incapable of being in control of my own body

OP posts:
alicatsg · 28/09/2004 17:39

I know what you mean - but don't you need to feel in control of your life and using a ladder to get out of that black hole makes a lot more sense than trying to claw your way out without help. At least go see your GP and insist on taking it through - or call one of the orgs on the list.

Hate to sound all nanny-ish but what would you tell me to do if I were in your shoes? good luck sweets.

Titania · 28/09/2004 17:40

i DO need to feel in control of my life......thats the trouble

OP posts:
Blu · 28/09/2004 17:41

Titania - I have recently been on AD's and see it exactly as MTS describes taking vitamins. Do you see catching a cold as being unable to control your body? We can't control our bodies - but I can see why the feeling of control over your body is important to you, I really can.
Do you take excercise? Something very upsetting happened to me once and i felt i needed to regain control over my body - I did it through a rigourous excercise routine, which also lifted my mood and self-confidence enormously. It also put a stop to my insomnia. But not for everyone, I am sure!

SecondhandRose · 28/09/2004 18:22

Hi Titania, if your Mum will not accept what she did to you then there is no way you can move forward at the moment. If she was abused by her father why on earth would she send you to the same fate.

Let her send money to DD and DD can send a thank you but that's as far as it should go.

Move forward with your family and friends they and you are most important.

Titania · 28/09/2004 18:56

yes blu i do......about 3 times a week.

If i cant control me then i cant control anything can i?!

OP posts:
MTS · 28/09/2004 19:08

but control isn't all or nothing - because you have had such horrible experiences that were out of your control, you think that you have to be "in control" to stop anything like that happening again - but that's overcompensation. ADs shouldn't make you feel out of control. If they do, then you should most probably try something else. ADs are more subtle than that - when they work they up your mood - so at first you have less "bad" days/feel less hopeless, then after a few months you start to feel a lot more positive.

whymummy · 28/09/2004 19:32

titania i don't know what to say,i've only just seen this thread,i'm so sorry,you're getting a lot of good advice on here,it's so heartbreaking to read what you went through
do you feel that having a relationship with your mum now could help you deal with the past?do you think she has changed?can she offer you the love that you craved so much as a child? if the answers are yes then try one more time
lol xx

Blu · 28/09/2004 19:33

Titania - good for you re excercise! Wish I was still at it.
I felt more like me on AD's whereas before I felt as if my emotions and thoughts were in the control of some scary monster alien. I was on low dose cipralex - no side effects, just me-ness back.

aloha · 28/09/2004 19:55

FWIW, I think you should seek counselling (maybe cognitive behavioural therapy), and stop all contact with your mother, who has brought nothing but pain and damage into your life. Possibly she was abused as a child too, but frankly, that isn't your problem.
You say, "if I can't control my body, i can't control anything". Like Blu, after your horrific experiences of feeling helpless and with no control, I think that is a natural and understanable way to think, BUT it's not true. Look at Stephen Hawking. No control over his body at all, but with a full life. Look at all those amazing people in the paralympics. It is not a sign of failure to be ill, or damaged in some way. You are amazing because you have survived what would have broken many people. Truly amazing.

Titania · 29/09/2004 07:45

whymummy....no...i dont think she will change.

I long for her just to put her arms around me and just tell her that she is sorry and that she loves me, and for everything bad thats happened to just go away.

I am such a mess ATM.....I don't even think I can get through the day.

I kissed my children goodnight and tucked them in before I went to bed last night.....then hoped as I was falling asleep that I wouldn't wake up again............

The first thing I thought when I woke up this morning was 'oh Im still here.....'

OP posts:
whymummy · 29/09/2004 07:56

titania
i'm so sorry
titania your children want you to be here,please don't think like that,they need you,you can't change the past but you can be a good mum and really enjoy your future with your children,they're childhood would be ruined too if you weren't here,you don't need anybody elses love you've got plenty in your own home
lol xxx

lulupop · 29/09/2004 08:03

OMG Titania, have just skimmed this thread and am sitting here crying for you, ahving just posted pathetic selfish msg on my thread about DH forgetting our anniversary.

You must find some help resolving your feelings about your mother - counselling or pyschotherapy. You will not be able to move on in your life if you don't "sort out" these painful emotions. I cannot imagine how you must feel inside, but I think I would find it impossible in your position to ever want ANY contact with her again. Life is too short to bend over backwards trying to find forgiveness for people who have hurt you so badly, family or not. Perhaps that's not very Christian of me, but you have your own family now and you owe it to yourself and to them to resolve your feelings to the point where you can be a happy mother to your precious babies.

Your own mother is manipulating you and acting in the most selfish way imaginable by sending this card to DD. I think the best response is no response, and in future intercept all communications and destroy them. When DD is old enough (eg adult) you can explain why she has no relationship with her grandmother. I have no relationship with mine, after she tried to destroy my mother's life, and although I sometimes feel regret that she;s now a lonely old woman on her own, I wld never seek contact after the way she crushed my mother.

Please see your GP as a matter of the greatest urgency. ADs can lift you out of the immediate blackness you feel as a temporary measure and may help you to view the whole psychotherapy route with more clarity. Your GP should be able to refer you to someone.

I am thinking of you and just sending a big hug - pls take the first step today...

dejags · 29/09/2004 09:18

Titania,

I haven't read this thread from top to bottom so forgive me if I am repeating things others have said.

I can really identify with what you are saying - in a normal family children can rely on their mother to love them and protect them. When this goes wrong it is so very traumatic for a child and I know how difficult it can be to come to terms with this as an adult.

I don't know you so I don't feel that I can really give you any pointed advice - my thoughts are that it would probably be best to give yourself as much time and space as you can by not communicating with your mother in any way until you have had chance to reconcile yourself with your childhood. My therapist told me that I needed to accept first and foremost that I was not responsible for my mothers actions and that I should not feel guilty for my anger and negative feelings now that I am adult. He was also really strong in pointing out that I should accept that it may never be possible to have a relationship of any sort with my parents and that in order for me to get better I should deal with this first off then look at the detailed in's and out's of my upbringing and the aftermath.

My parents (I won't go into details) also strongly deny that they ever did anything wrong. The last time I heard from my father he told me that I had serious psychological problems which were causing me to make up stories about him and my mother. I now see it for what it was - his last ditched attempt at control.

Try to let yourself heal - don't try to pscyho-analyse your mothers parenting ability too much, it's something which is never ending and I know I have rarely come up with any answers.

If you want to CAT me I would be more than happy to talk to you more about this.

Take good care of yourself
Love
Dejags

Titania · 29/09/2004 10:47

I'm sorry everyone......bothering you...i just needed to get it off my chest. Bet you think I'm a right pain now hey?!

OP posts:
lydialemon · 29/09/2004 11:01

Titania you are NOT A PAIN!

That woman might have given birth to you, but she was not a mother.