How do you cope with a partner with very different political views??

[ToeNailSoup]

I've NC.

Me and DP have broadly the same outlook on life and we're really happy together.

But, we have some fundamentally different political views. For example:

He's voting Tory in the GE. I won't be voting Tory.

He's said he'd have voted Trump if we lived in the US. I physically couldn't bring myself to do it.

He's in favour of a three-strikes and the death penalty approach to justice. I'm not necessarily against this in principle but I think such ideas rest on an assumption of equality of opportunity etc.

He has issues with 'scumbags' who don't work and rely on benefits. I have issues with complete cockwomble cunt billionaires who don't work and get rich off the labour of the working classes and pay no tax. These people don't bother him particularly as they don't affect his everyday life (apparently).

Anyway, I don't want to debate the rights/wrongs of each of our perspectives. My question is how do you deal with this? We try not talking politics but it's unavoidable. Or we talk politics then get annoyed at each other. Or we talk politics then agree to disagree and both end up frustrated.

If you're in this kind of relationship, tell me how you cope!!!

@PositiveVibez

So what if it’s a parent who has a different view? Or god forbid your child ends up with a different political standpoint?
Do we disown?

If your boss is a Tory supporter, should you just quit your job on the spot, because surely you couldn’t work with such a monster?

@DBML

Do you have any figures to back that up?

@TurOlive

They’re not hidden, I’m sure you can google them.

I would probably also end my relationship should DH become someone who held political views I genuinely despise.

Yes, I can understand that - but how far apart do your views have to be to consider them as a valid reason for a divorce? Have there been any divorces between Brexiteers and Remainers so far?

I think divorce would be an overreaction to a Tory vs Labour divide. It might be appropriate if one spouse joined an extremist party, though.

It doesn’t sound like you have anything in common, to be honest.

DH’s and my political views have moved apart a bit since we got together. We met through the Labour Party, and were both lifelong labour voters as well as being party members. I resigned my membership a couple of years ago as I loathed what Corbyn and his acolytes were doing to the party. DH however is still a Labour member and active campaigner. He feels moderate members staying is the only way to ensure the party survives; I on the other hand just couldn’t bear to be part of it anymore. It has caused some friction but we haven’t had any major fights as we both understand where the other is coming from.

I think at this stage in my life I could be in a relationship with a moderate Tory; a Trump supporter on the other hand would be an absolute deal-breaker.

My husband will vote labour and I will vote consertative. We just don't discuss it much if I'm honest and at election time it's a bit of an elephant in the room.

So what if it’s a parent who has a different view? Or god forbid your child ends up with a different political standpoint?

I can't speak from experience sorry. My dad has been long gone from this earth, but I inherited some of my views from him (union man) and I share the same political views as my mum and the rest of my family.

I can't see our only daughter growing up to have differing views from both us parents. It's highly unlikely don't you think? Surely your views and ethics are passed on to your children if they have been brought up in that household.

Of course there are some exceptions to the rule.

@Positivevibez

I don’t think that’s true. My parents both vote differently to me and my sister votes differently again. My grandfather votes similarly to me, but his other children and grandchildren all vote the opposition. Between us all, we are talking votes for four different parties...so I’d imagine that different political views are very possible within one family.

So should my parents disown me? Perhaps my grandad should disown them? What if I disowned my parents?

Of course we shouldn’t start disowning people over a difference of Political opinion, so why would you treat a spouse differently. It’s insane thinking and shows just how mad this country has gone.

I think for every young person who follows their parents' voting choices, there'll be another who reacts against them on principle.

Of course we shouldn’t start disowning people over a difference of Political opinion, so why would you treat a spouse differently. It’s insane thinking and shows just how mad this country has gone

So it works great for you and your family. That's good for you. As I stated, I have never experienced it so cannot comment.

But people are allowed to not stay with a partner for any reason they want.

For me, someone I chose to share my life with, based on similar values, who's values changed fundamentally, to the point where it seeped into our every day lives, then if I want to leave them because we are no longer compatible, then I will jolly well leave them, if that's okay with you?

The OP was about her husband having differing views and was asking for people's opinions.

She wasn't asking about her grandads views, or aunties views, or children's views, or cousins views. She was asking about her life partners views. And my answer was that once you're not compatible in fundamental beliefs, then I would call it a day.

@Positivevibez

And that’s all good. If you want to leave partners over differing views that’s your right. But in the interest of balance, I’m challenging people with these views as to how far they would go and who they’d be willing to disown. Just as you have the right to think it’s perfectly acceptable, I have to right to think it’s utterly bonkers.
Good luck to you. Here’s hoping you always have the same views as your loved ones.

Well the OP was just talking about her husband, so I gave my views on that.

If you wanted to know how people would act with family members who have differing fundamental values and what they would do in that case, maybe start your own thread?

And thank you for your wishes of good luck. Unnecessary, but still appreciated.

Best of luck to you also 😉

I just couldn't be with anyone who disagreed on things that were really important to me. Political views are essentially about what you value and I need my partner to value the same things as me. I can have friends with different views and just not talk about it but partners are different. I could never be within anyone who considered voting Trump at all with his disgusting attitude towards women and his racism.

@DBML

I did. I couldn't find anything about Obama putting children in cages.

@TurOlive

And that’s because that particular phase has only been used in association with Trump.
Where do you think Obama kept 3,000,000 illegal immigrants, including children, detained before they were deported? In the same ‘cages’ or do you think he had a few manor houses built along the Mexico boarder?

Phrase not phase. Autocorrect

So why don't you provide the evidence them since apparently I'm googling the wrong thing?

@ TurOlive

Official statistics from 2015. Knock yourself out.

www.dhs.gov/immigration-statistics/visualization/2015

@TurOlive

Extra instructions- Obama was president for 8 years, so you can look at and do the math for the Alien removals for those years. Additionally compare Obama’s numbers with Trumps and I think you’ll be surprised.
Now really, feel free to do your own research.

It is entirely possible to respect people's different opinions if you are both basically decent people who differ on things like the ins and outs of certain policies or what would be best for the economy, but your partner's views are less to do with politics and more a sign of a general world view that is very black and white, uncompassionate and unforgiving.

I would be fully expecting him to carry that attitude across into his personal life and relationships and agreeing on the easy, obvious things like how much you like to get out and about or what area you'd like to live in is too superficial to be any kind of indication that he is a better person than his views seem to suggest.

If people's basic values in life - how you treat the poor and the vulnerable for example - aren't something you consider seriously when choosing a life-partner, what is? Taste in films? No wonder divorce rates are so high.

If your husband is racist are you supposed to say "well we are all different and we like the same indian take out and want our children to go to school X so we're cool"?

Character matters in marriage. Values matter in every intimate relationship. I'm not saying someone who thinks the poor are poor because they are lazy shouldn't find a life-partner but it is more likely to work out if they share those values with their spouse. OP, if you honestly feel differently then you should think hard before procreating with this man - he will be imparting these values to your children.

And DBML is right - and devious in her/his replies. Obama was very tough on illegal immigration - many liberals didn't like it. Most conservatives ignored it. What he didn't do was separate infant children from their parents. But you know that, DBML.

Separation was a side effect of a zero tolerance policy. Illegal immigrants were arrested and detained as criminals. Children did not go to prison with the criminal adults who brought them over the border (sometimes with drugs, weapons etc) but were detained in camps until a relative could collect them or foster care found for them. Trump acknowledged this was an issue and perhaps due to social pressure ended the zero tolerance policy that was responsible for separations.

Anyway my argument is not that Trump is a good person and Obama bad, I like neither. My point is that every president, every political party come with their good and their bad and even Obama, who few (compared to Trump) complained about, did some awful things. Therefore, who can righteously say that their Political opinions or leanings are better or more virtuous than others. We set ourselves standards and we have for the most part honest beliefs. Why should others say ‘you’re wrong...either agree with me or it’s divorce’. That I find ridiculous. But hey, it’s just my opinion.

Say you are right. separation was a side effect.

Does that matter? he separated infant children from their parents.
You happy with that? Says a lot about you. I wouldn't want to be friends with you if you think that is ok. That is how people work - they make friends based on shared beliefs and values and interests.

Bizarre that you think someone should ignore politics - which is basically about how we live our lives and how we treat other people - when picking a life partner. I don't care what anyone else believes. But it is perfectly reasonable - and not ridiculous at all - to say "well if you believe this you aren't the person I want to spend my life with"

What do YOU use as criteria for picking a partner - taste in food or football? Like what IS actually important enough to matter?

If you're happy being with someone who supports president grab-em-by-the-pussy then fine. Other people have a right to not want to spend their life with someone who supports a misogynistic narcissist.