How do you cope with a partner with very different political views??

[ToeNailSoup]

I've NC.

Me and DP have broadly the same outlook on life and we're really happy together.

But, we have some fundamentally different political views. For example:

He's voting Tory in the GE. I won't be voting Tory.

He's said he'd have voted Trump if we lived in the US. I physically couldn't bring myself to do it.

He's in favour of a three-strikes and the death penalty approach to justice. I'm not necessarily against this in principle but I think such ideas rest on an assumption of equality of opportunity etc.

He has issues with 'scumbags' who don't work and rely on benefits. I have issues with complete cockwomble cunt billionaires who don't work and get rich off the labour of the working classes and pay no tax. These people don't bother him particularly as they don't affect his everyday life (apparently).

Anyway, I don't want to debate the rights/wrongs of each of our perspectives. My question is how do you deal with this? We try not talking politics but it's unavoidable. Or we talk politics then get annoyed at each other. Or we talk politics then agree to disagree and both end up frustrated.

If you're in this kind of relationship, tell me how you cope!!!

I think it’s almost inevitable that in any partnership there will be differing views. What seems important to me is whether any of these are game changers for you, and how you discuss your differences. Can you agree to disagree? My STBXH is fine just as long as I agree with him, and as sooN as my opinion diverges from his, he gets all upset, won’t even try to see things from a different perspective and wails that I’m criticising him. This is not healthy as it stops me bothering to communicate most of the time. It’s one of the many reasons we’re splitting

I dont know OP.
The voting tory wouldnt bother me.
The complete lack of empathy for people who have fallen on hard times or who have difficult backgrounds, would, though. I'd actually be a bit concerned that if I ever got ill or became disabled he would cut me loose for being a burden or something. He just fundamentally doesn't sound very kind.

I just would never get together with someone with extreme and heartless views like that.

^^this. Your problem isn’t one I can see myself ever having so I’m totally unable to advise, because I would find someone repulsive if they thought like your partner. The kind of ignorance he is displaying is wildly unattractive to me.

And YES to the op who said he sounds fundamentally not kind. Kindness is pretty much the number one quality I look for in a partner. He sounds like he is severely lacking.

I’ve had first hand experience of this as my grandfather was the archetypal working class Tory and my grandmother was a strong Socialist - first female shop steward in her industry etc .
I recall there being many animated discussions but never arguments .
Fast forward - husband working class Tory - me strong Socialist- however these days I find it harder to embrace what the Labour Party now stands for .
We disagreed on Brexit - he voted leave - me remain - which is potentially more contentious at the moment . However we agree to differ after animated discussion.
I know I’d poison his food if he admitted to
an admiration on Trump however .

Agree with what AgeLikeWine said on page 1.

Some people on here remind me of those moronic posts you see on social media where people boast about never ever being friends with someone who voted x as if such intolerance is something to be proud of.

people boast about never ever being friends with someone who voted x as if such intolerance is something to be proud of.

Agreed! It IS intolerance of a self-righteous kind. It also doesn't make sense as how are you going to convince people to change their views if you won't ever talk to them! Give them some sound reasons to change their opinions and they might listen.

If they won't/don't, they may have other traits that you like or even love. I don't spout politics all the time with my DH.

I don't spout politics all the time with my DH. hmm

You might not go round spouting which party you vote for or specific leaders, but do you ever talk about crappy public transport - it's politics. He cost of fuel - it's politics. Your kids schooling - it's politics. Your wages - it's politics.

You get where I'm going with this.

Politics is in everything in your day to day life.

If my husband thought people who claimed benefits were leeches, or misogyny was okay, or that the Tories were THE party to vote for, he would not be someone I chose to share my life with.

It is not intolerance. It's called having the same fundamental values.

Only on Mumsnet would it become a divorcable offence to have a different opinion to your partner. Op, I bet you’re sorry you asked 🤣

Tolerance implies a non agreement or distaste for the other view if you can respect /agree with it there is no need for tolerance
Tolerance seems to be in very short supply I feel people are getting less and less tolerant of what are simply differences of opinion, increased diversity doesn't appear to be leading to increased tolerance at all n fact there seem to be increasing attempts just to stifle different opinions by no platforming, ridicule, name calling etc rather than rational debate

Op, I bet you’re sorry you asked

Not at all

It's been really helpful actually even if it's just shown that these differences in opinion are really of no consequence like they would be to other posters (most definitely not divorcing or LTB issues).

@DBML

Been watching Fox news again?

It was trump who passed a zero tolerance immigration policy and deliberately separated children from parents and made them live in appalling conditions.

I couldn't be in a relationship with anyone who supported that.

Only on Mumsnet would it become a divorcable offence to have a different opinion to your partner. Op, I bet you’re sorry you asked

I think there was a thread last year when someone found out their husband voted ukip and she was devistated. All sorts of twats were wading in telling her such antics were deal breakers and they would end the relationship, never mind breaking up the family or that the DH in question up to that point had been a good father and partner, nope, LTB as live in righteous smug reduced circumstances.

@TurOlive

Well I hope you feel the same way about a person who supported Obama. Since detaining people at the boarder was in place before 2015.
And if you look at official statistics (and not Fox News) you’d see that the majority of detainees are released the same day.
In fact you’ll be pleased to hear the the human rights lawyer who complained that there were over 100,000 children detained in the US, has had to apologise as that number quoted was in fact from 2015.

But don’t let facts spoil your fun. I don’t like Trump, but I don’t like him for the right reasons...not the wrong ones.

I couldn’t be married/in a relationship to someone who held those views as I view them as immoral.

@PanGalaticGargleBlaster

It’s the high of lunacy honestly. And most posters haven’t got an opinion of their own anyway, they just follow the ‘righteous’ crowd.

Agreed Andso it's a get out to say it's politics-as though that isn't about morality,
I don't hang out with people who hold views I view as abhorrent.

Me and my DP are similar to you except I'm less left wing than he is. I work in the NHS and it's not that I'm trump level right wing, I'm just much less left wing and he's really quite radical.

On the whole we agree some things we don't need to discuss. He does attempt to teach me about the NHS which i find insulting and mostly annoying but it's sometimes amusing.

I think the thing I worry about the most is if it will affect how we raise future DC. I'm not against private education for example whereas he speaks of it as though it's for etonians and posh twats (he doesn't know anybody who went to a private school except my sister -she had learning difficulties and thrived there- so I do find this rude)

Honestly? I'm having serious doubts about my relationship at the moment so I don't know if I'm the best person to talk to. I don't think the political differences are our issue though, it's more the mansplaining and lack of respect for my views that's slowly driving me away.

It is, however, nice to know some couples can rise above these differences so thank you for posting!

One of my pastimes is winding up men on the local Spotted Facebook page, which seems to be modded by a man with similar sorts of views add your husband. I couldn't spend all day arguing with them though. There's no way I could put up with it. DH has always had slightly differing opinions to but we argue constructively.
I know I'm being rude, but either your DH isn't all that bright (can't argue with stupid) or you need to hone your debating skills.

See, l wouldn’t be with someone who didn’t share my views. Life is tough enough without another thing to argue about.

I’m quite political though

Divorce 😂

My husband is a Tory Brexiteer. He describes me as a 'liberal lefty remainer'. (I would actually put myself as 'centre left').

I avoid discussing politics because he tends to get irate and start ranting

When I first met him he was a Labour voter and had even helped in the local Labour MP's campaign, leafleting and door knocking - so all this 'I'd never get together with someone who held different views' isn't always applicable, because people change.

Only on Mumsnet would it become a divorcable offence to have a different opinion to your partner

A 'difference of opinion' is him wanting to watch the joker at the cinema, but you want to watch the Irishman. Or you like EastEnders, he thinks it's shit.

It's not thinking that trump is a great president or that people on benefits are scroungers, or that Tories are fab.

They are fundamental differences in your beliefs.

It is NOT intolerant not to want to be with someone who has a completely opposite belief system about how humans should be treated.

I couldn’t be friends with a trump supporter let alone married to

'I'd never get together with someone who held different views' isn't always applicable, because people change.

Well of course. But just as I would not have begun a serious relationship with someone whose political views were significantly different to my own (and I don't just mean voting differently, but having a totally different outlook), I would probably also end my relationship should DH become someone who held political views I genuinely despise. Just as if he took up Scientology or became a Flat Earther- it would reveal something about him that would make him incompatible with me.